Venting It’s too early for this shit

[byebyered]

Sooo it's 8:12 am , I was watching YouTube videos then started talking to myself because I like to vent to myself sometimes. Mom comes in asking me if I'm on the phone , who I'm talking to…I say myself. She starts going crazy asking if I hear voices in my head blah blah (I do not hear voices in my head) she mentions what I was talking about and told me to get over it. Idk how the fuckkkk this turned into a big ordeal I honestly can't remember what happened and it JUST HAPPENED lmao. But I was screaming , crying , & hyperventilating. We argued of course. I literally can't remember a thing I said. I feel really good though. I don't usually express myself to her but it felt really really good to scream at her for a change. She hasn't got a fucking clue about what I've been dealing with inside of my head so yeah I went tf off. Fuckkkk I feel bad but she's been driving me UP THE WALL!!!!! She told me she's gonna leave me alone and let me figure out what's going on about myself. She doesn't know how to help me anymore (not like she ever really did anything). She said she feels like she has to walk on eggshells around me. I told her everyone does. Everyone feels hopeless with me at some point. I said everything's my fault & I don't know what to do anymore either. I'm the only one who can fix myself and I have no idea wtf to do. I'm driving myself & everyone around me crazy. This is the worst feeling ever. I just want to die. I feel insane. I hate crying infront of others. I hate opening up. Ew I feel gross WELP *claps hands* time to go smoke some weedddddd & contemplate life
All I want to do is contact my ex and hug him. It would make me feel so much better. But that's the PROBLEM. I can't be happy by myself and I'm always dependent on others :D that's why he's my EX ! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAMYSELFCONCEPTISSOBADHAHAHAHAH I PUSH EVERYONE AWAY & SABOTAGE EVERYTHING I HATE MYSELF I DONT HAVE ANYBODYS SHOULDER TO LEAN ON BUT SPICY LETTUCE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME ALL HAIL THE SPICY LETTUCE

 

[CowsAgainstCapitali]

Ugh..... I'm sorry..... your relationship with your mother sounds very similar to my own. Especially the "Why/how did this argument even start!?" bit. I see nothing wrong with being dependent on others, like an ex. Cannabis will always be there for you.