It’s the final countdown…

[wiltedLotus]

I'm in my final week before ctb and am so grateful to have found this site! It's been so alienating getting to this point. But anyways, I'm just enjoying the final days as best as I can, kind of existing in this vortex where time isn't real.
My plan is set and researched, it'll succeed. I do have fear of failing or getting stopped but not of dying. I'm so fucking ready. Force shut down this brain that's tortured me my whole life.
Also wondering what I should do about leaving notes, my method will probably make so I'm not found and idk how to settle that I guess it isn't my issue? Idk that could be a whole other thread.
Very thankful to have found likeminded individuals

 

[Euthanza]

Good luck, I wish you peace and dignity

 

[Nirrend]

Wishing you the best sweet @wiltedLotus

To me, each time someone ctb is sad, but I guess that when everyone here, will meet up there, we will all be happy

Love ❤

 

[LaVieEnRose]

If you haven't really discussed this with your loved ones, you should leave some kind of message. Otherwise, they will always wonder.

 

[ShuttingDown]

Good luck, hope u get the peace u need

 

[wiltedLotus]

If you haven't really discussed this with your loved ones, you should leave some kind of message. Otherwise, they will always wonder.

Thank you! I was thinking either a generalized note to whoever may care or just one to each of my parents trying yo explain my philosophy and reasoning for this choice

 

[bipolar22]

Thank you! I was thinking either a generalized note to whoever may care or just one to each of my parents trying yo explain my philosophy and reasoning for this choice

I wouldnt. i mean they should have noticed and know what is going on. having someone close miserable to the point of loosing them. its up to you of course.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I wouldnt. i mean they should have noticed and know what is going on. having someone close miserable to the point of loosing them. its up to you of course.

I mean, that would depend on how much OP has let them in. If OP has completely hidden it from, as some people do, then how would they know?

 

[makethepainstop]

Yes there is always that time when we as individuals decide we have had enough and the wretched lives we have are just too painful or unsatisfactory to continue. Most of us here are always on a razor blades edge of letting go and leaving. Much love to you.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing can certainly be painful and torturous for so many who exist in this world and your feelings of wanting to end all the suffering are understandable. It must be a relief having a reliable plan. I wish you freedom.

 

[wiltedLotus]

I mean, that would depend on how much OP has let them in. If OP has completely hidden it from, as some people do, then how would they know?

Yeah I've kept it top secret from everyone because you know how people traditionally react to any kind of ideation. So yeah I'll leave a note of some kind

 

[A simple aid]

Well goodluck man....im here for if or when it fails....and you wanna consider other stuff

I'm in my final week before ctb and am so grateful to have found this site! It's been so alienating getting to this point. But anyways, I'm just enjoying the final days as best as I can, kind of existing in this vortex where time isn't real.
My plan is set and researched, it'll succeed. I do have fear of failing or getting stopped but not of dying. I'm so fucking ready. Force shut down this brain that's tortured me my whole life.
Also wondering what I should do about leaving notes, my method will probably make so I'm not found and idk how to settle that I guess it isn't my issue? Idk that could be a whole other thread.
Very thankful to have found likeminded individuals

 

[wiltedLotus]

Well goodluck man....im here for if or when it fails....and you wanna consider other stuff

Thank you my method is fool proof I just need to get the timing right so I don't get stopped…but i will keep that in mind in case this method fails, as I don't plan to give up if it does

 

[A simple aid]

Thank you my method is fool proof I just need to get the timing right so I don't get stopped…but i will keep that in mind in case this method fails, as I don't plan to give up if it does

no prob bro....we can talk while you prep attempt 2

 

[GasMonkey]

What's your method?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thank you! I was thinking either a generalized note to whoever may care or just one to each of my parents trying yo explain my philosophy and reasoning for this choice

Firstly, I'm sorry life has brought you hear.

Not that I want to worry you but I have heard that written notes are not always passed on to family members. I have heard horrendous stories of them being confiscated permanently as 'evidence.'

I think, if I ever have the guts to do it, I will send out delayed emails with the notes attached as documents. (I've also heard that email providers scan emails for keywords like 'suicide.') Anyway- just something to look into. I wish you all the best.

 

[hunterfla]

I'm in my final week before ctb and am so grateful to have found this site! It's been so alienating getting to this point. But anyways, I'm just enjoying the final days as best as I can, kind of existing in this vortex where time isn't real.
My plan is set and researched, it'll succeed. I do have fear of failing or getting stopped but not of dying. I'm so fucking ready. Force shut down this brain that's tortured me my whole life.
Also wondering what I should do about leaving notes, my method will probably make so I'm not found and idk how to settle that I guess it isn't my issue? Idk that could be a whole other thread.
Very thankful to have found likeminded individuals

It's a very personal decision, and I don't judge anyone for their choice, but for me, I've decided there will be NO notes left. I decided this for a few reasons.

No matter what a note says, it will not bring anyone comfort or closure - regardless of what you might have heard. There has been a history of ctb in my family, and I can say that not once has anyone read a note and felt any sort of relief or less pain over the loss. Anything you can say in a note will still leave the readers wondering why (even if you clearly state your reasons), or what they could have done different, or if they should have x y or z to try to help. Maybe they should have, but it's obviously too late so what's the point?

Also, in the rare/slim/off/unlucky chance that you are not successful - you'll have some 'splainin to do. Especially if you are intending for it to be perceived as impulsive, accidental or anything other than a planned and intentional event. Good luck not being involuntarily committed if you survive and leave notes. And if you aren't committed, you'll be judged until you succeed.

Just my .02 but again, to each their own. xoxoxo

 

[wiltedLotus]

Firstly, I'm sorry life has brought you hear.

Not that I want to worry you but I have heard that written notes are not always passed on to family members. I have heard horrendous stories of them being confiscated permanently as 'evidence.'

I think, if I ever have the guts to do it, I will send out delayed emails with the notes attached as documents. (I've also heard that email providers scan emails for keywords like 'suicide.') Anyway- just something to look into. I wish you all the best.

Thank you for that tip! I was thinking about that earlier…it may be best just to mail letters I guess

It's a very personal decision, and I don't judge anyone for their choice, but for me, I've decided there will be NO notes left. I decided this for a few reasons.

No matter what a note says, it will not bring anyone comfort or closure - regardless of what you might have heard. There has been a history of ctb in my family, and I can say that not once has anyone read a note and felt any sort of relief or less pain over the loss. Anything you can say in a note will still leave the readers wondering why (even if you clearly state your reasons), or what they could have done different, or if they should have x y or z to try to help. Maybe they should have, but it's obviously too late so what's the point?

Also, in the rare/slim/off/unlucky chance that you are not successful - you'll have some 'splainin to do. Especially if you are intending for it to be perceived as impulsive, accidental or anything other than a planned and intentional event. Good luck not being involuntarily committed if you survive and leave notes. And if you aren't committed, you'll be judged until you succeed.

Just my .02 but again, to each their own. xoxoxo

I had thought about that too…what if I mail letters but before they even get delivered I've been intercepted…and I hadn't thought about that either with getting involuntarily committed if you leave notes…my method is pretty air tight it's just getting spotted before I can take the exit that's got me rattled