Venting It's tearing me apart

[solaceshoes_.]

December 28th 2022: You took me out on a date at that coffee shop. You held my hands when i got onto your motorcycle, telling me to hold on to you so i don't fall. You held my palms bc i said they were cold, and put them into your pockets. You laughed when i accidentally placed them near 'that' part, teasing me through the side view mirror as i turned red from embarassment. I kept getting nervous as i breathe in your cologne, just for you to pull me in closer to keep me safe.

You healed me. Your scent still lingers on my mind from time to time. I'm sorry, i need to kill myself. You were the best thing that ever happened to me in 2022, also the worst thing i lost on the 1st of January 2023.

I miss her. I might do a love spell, blood magic, rituals, whatever to bring her back. Normal life starts tomorrow and i genuinely don't see how i'm gonna do better—no, i'd just go back to being a shell of a person rather than an actual human being with feelings. She taught me so much. I can't do it. I hate my family. Fuck all of them. If they push me one more time then it's gonna be the end of it.

There, sorry, i'm sorry. I... i'm sorry. No matter how much i cry, it's done. I'll try everything i could to bring us back together, if we're meant to be. Like i said, it was never your fault. Maybe one day, long after my early death, you'll come across this post and see what i meant. Thank you. I love you.

Sincerely,
Nara.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like it must be so painful what you have to experience, I believe that it's true that if something seen as being positive exists, it's just something to be lost and inevitably lead to more suffering being experienced. Existence is undeniably so cruel and there is simply nothing fair about any of this. But I do hope that you find what you are looking for.