Its so hard for me to connect and understand others.

[frailcoffee]

I can't emotionally connect with people, I can't talk to people. It's so hard and crippling. It's so hard to understand people's emotions, it's so hard to make friends, it's just so hard to speak. I feel so ill trying to seek any sort of relationship. It's always been this way. I try to fit in so bad but I end up being so...robotic, it leaves people unsettled. I hate it so much, I don't feel human at all. Every night I cry myself to sleep because all I want is to be like everyone else. I want to be able to speak like a normal person. It's so difficult to understand people. It hurts me so much, I try so so so hard but I'm so scared and then I feel so sick and nauseous. Hide away and isolate myself. I want to feel human, I want to feel real human connection. I want to be liked, I want to have friends. It's all my fault. I wish I wasn't so ill. I want to sleep forever. The only thing that keeps me alive is my job for my family and my books.

 

[somewhat_damaged]

I know what you mean. I haven't been able to really connect to a single person in over a decade now. ALL of my relationships are very shallow. I hate it.