Venting its so diffcult, from mental prepration to technical preparation

[Jumaqt]

I orginally planned to hang myself at home, I had the supplies ready and did my researchs months ago and have been mentally preparing myself since then. I also finished writing my notes during the time, now finally feeling more ready to go, but then I realized that killing myself at the house is gonna bring the house price down and stuff, making life even more diffcult for my family, plus just having my dead body being so accessible is traumatizing too, should probably let the police or doctors access it first. Then I considered hanging myself in nearby forest at night, now there are a whole bunch more things to consider, the forest is pretty developed what if there's a chance I get discovered by someone before I reach full brain death, a person hanging from a tree is a pretty obvious scene, plus I am afraid of the dark, I'm worried about myself freaking out during the process or something else. Then I considred a different method like sodium nitrite or sodium azide, I would probably freakout less if I consume salt as a method instead in the dark... since there are less movement and preparations in order, don't know how I came to that conclusion but I feel like it would be less scary for me if there was less movements. I currently couldn't find anyways to find sodium nitrite no matter how much I try, I've been researching about the ukraine site for a while now but no results, I can currently find a place to buy sodium azide but from what I've read its a lot more painful than sodium nitrite. I would also take a few more insufferable weeks for these item to be delivered to me once I purchased them, or even longer, I would also need test knit on top of that..and what if the ukraine site only accept BTC as payment method.. I have no idea how to buy BTC. If only guns are more accessible in Canada, I can probably afford one if there were.

 

[Terrible_Life]

Hi, I'm sorry no one answered you.
First of all I am sorry that you are at this point and I understand the fear you have of being found in the forest and also I agree with you being there in the forest at night completely dark and very cold is really scary to think about almost like a horror movie given the fact that you plan to ctb there. I know many here did it that way but I just like you couldn't do it that way.
How is now your situation?

 

[Jumaqt]

Hi, I'm sorry no one answered you.
First of all I am sorry that you are at this point and I understand the fear you have of being found in the forest and also I agree with you being there in the forest at night completely dark and very cold is really scary to think about almost like a horror movie given the fact that you plan to ctb there. I know many here did it that way but I just like you couldn't do it that way.
How is now your situation?

thank you for your concern. rn I feel kind of lost and confused. Not really motivated to ctb at the moment. Feel like I'm in a half consious state, which happens once in a while, I would probably feel suicidal again after this phase.

thank you for your concern. rn I feel kind of lost and confused. Not really motivated to ctb at the moment. Feel like I'm in a half consious state, which happens once in a while, I would probably feel suicidal again after this phase.

on you meant the situation. no luck finding sn. planning to buy a new polypropylene rope, the one I bought has been just sitting in the corner for months, worried that it might be less durable after a period of time.