It's over.

[Avril]

So today my mother found out about my real gender and threatened to disown me. She threw away my clothes and cosplays, and threatened to separate with my father if I didn't act "properly".

My past 2/3 attempts were failures, most of my close friends know that. But I will make sure the next one will be my last. I will leave this Sunday forever. At about 10 PM GMT, on April 10th which is 6 am April 11 my time, I will jump to my death from the location I planned. I am now in the process of disabling all my social media, as well as planning my final meals, spending time with my online friends, I will make sure to disable my SS account so no one can trace it.

Also, my past attempts were due to bad breakups but looking at them now seems small compared to the problems I am facing today. I have an identity crisis. My family won't accept me for who I truly am. The reality is, that there is a chance I will get kicked out for just being myself.

I want to die with dignity. And I am well aware of my actions. My parents will be fine after my death. My sister will be fine. Life will go on.

 

[LucieInTheDark]

I hope you'll be able to rest, and I'm saddened that it had to come to this.

 

[its-about-time]

I got kicked out by my dad and disowned not long after when I was 15 for being gay, don't think he ever found out I'm nonbinary. Ignorant and phobic people suck especially when they're your parents. There are huge communities (physical and online) who can relate to exactly what you're going through and guide you through it, if you can last long enough to get out of your parents house. I won't pretend that's a simple or easy task. If you decide to leave life, I'm sorry. It makes me very sad to see a fellow queer leave life because of trans and homo phobias. Your parents are significant but they're still only two people in your life compared to endless people who understand and could support you through it. The queer community knows that kind of pain well and will always be there for you. Whatever you do, I just wish you the best. Sending you my love.

 

[Avril]

I hope you'll be able to rest, and I'm saddened that it had to come to this.

Thank you. I will be able to rest, for sure.

I got kicked out by my dad and disowned not long after when I was 15 for being gay, don't think he ever found out I'm nonbinary. Ignorant and phobic people suck especially when they're your parents. There are huge communities (physical and online) who can relate to exactly what you're going through and guide you through it, if you can last long enough to get out of your parents house. I won't pretend that's a simple or easy task. If you decide to leave life, I'm sorry. It makes me very sad to see a fellow queer leave life because of trans and homo phobias. Your parents are significant but they're still only two people in your life compared to endless people who understand and could support you through it. The queer community knows that kind of pain well and will always be there for you. Whatever you do, I just wish you the best. Sending you my love.

I've accepted that death is my only logical option at this point. My mom doesn't love me anymore. I have weighed the pros and cons. Pros: my family wouldn't have to worry about me or bills, they could concentrate on my sister, they wouldn't be yelling at me anymore. Cons: nothing tbh.

 

[Cathy Ames]

So... if this came as shocking news to your mother, she is not at her best right now. That is not to excuse her behavior, it's just to explain it. It is possible that she will come around. It also seems like it might possible for you to TEMPORARILY do what you need to do (by which I mean "act properly" ) to stay alive until you are old enough to live on your own, at which point things would likely get a lot better. There are lots of people in the world who WOULD support your true identity, even if your parents don't.

This totally sucks right now, and that is for sure! But I would sure hate for you to miss the part of your life when things can start to get better. That's a down side. Please reconsider.

 

[Avril]

So... if this came as shocking news to your mother, she is not at her best right now. That is not to excuse her behavior, it's just to explain it. It is possible that she will come around. It also seems like it might possible for you to TEMPORARILY do what you need to do (by which I mean "act properly" ) to stay alive until you are old enough to live on your own, at which point things would likely get a lot better. There are lots of people in the world who WOULD support your true identity, even if you parents don't.

This totally sucks right now, and that is for sure! But I would sure hate for you to miss the part of your life when things can start to get better. That's a down side. Please reconsider.

Sorry, I'm done with life. I can't go on like this.
You have to understand that also live in a homophobic country with no trans rights.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that it has come to this. It must be so unbearable what you are going through. I hope you find peace and relief from suffering in whatever happens.

 

[rabbitlinnt10]

Your feelings are valid and you deserve so much more than what your life is right now. I hope you get peace soon I'm sorry you've been treated so poorly and having you true value seen and deserve to respected for whatever you feel is best for you.

 

[Zugade]

Good luck on whatever you end up doing, I'm sorry that your family won't accept you for who you are.

 

[wljourney]

Oh Gabby,
I'm so very sorry to hear this.
As others have mentioned: in many western countries there are amazing support networks for LGBTQ kids and young adults.

Obviously it's a terrible and exhausting path to leave home and rely on others. But it MAY be an option.

Think of it this way:
if you moved out and lived with other LGBTQ people who support you, you could possibly find your true identity and live the life you were supposed to live.

Your parents could still stop worrying, caring, focus on your sister… whatever. It doesn't matter what they do or don't do.
But YOU would have a chance to live your true life.

Of course this all depends on where you live. But please know that even if you live in a massively anti-LGBTQ country there are ways to get you out.

Move to the US or Canada?
Apply as refugee and connect with a local LGBTQ group? It's not impossible.
Imagine how amazing life with like-minded people could be.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Sorry, I'm done with life. I can't go on like this.
You have to understand that also live in a homophobic country with no trans rights.

What 'rights' would you need as a trans person, that you wouldn't get from the 'human rights' that your country provides?

There are things about me that I never tell anyone about. Sexual fantasies and desires I'd never share with anyone, as they're too sordid and socially unacceptable. I will keep these things a secret to my grave, and never act them out. It doesn't bother me enough to cause me any great distress. We all have things about us that we keep secret. Most people have a side to them that only they ever see. Don't let 'activists' convince you that you NEED to be exactly who you are, and EXPRESS yourself freely, in public, all the time, by waving some flag about with all of your identities or expressions listed on it for everyone to see. It's not important for everyone to know everything about you. Get away from unsupportive people, and go live your life around people you choose to be around.

 

[BrokenBliss]

You haven't said where you live. Can you try to find a way to move to a country that would be more accepting of you? There are places, and you may have a chance at the life you want. I know how trapped and oppressive it can feel being stuck in your parents' home, but that is just temporary. There are places where you can experience a wealth of support and the freedom to be your true self openly. If you are young as it sounds, you don't yet know how different life can be and what is possible.

 

[summers]

@Gabby we can figure this out

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Maybe it would be better to just leave your parents' house, even if it means couch surfing and/or living rough for a while.

There are people and groups that can help, even in repressive societies.

If you give us more info, we may be able to help.

You have nothing to lose by trying. You will always have the chance to ctb, but maybe there is a chance that things could get better.

 

[Worndown]

Sorry, I'm done with life. I can't go on like this.
You have to understand that also live in a homophobic country with no trans rights.

I am sorry you live in a homophobic country. That problem is growing globally. I am more sorry you family is so unsupportive that exiting is the solution. I hope you find peace.

 

[allesistgut]

it saddens me to hear you're planning on leaving so soon… but whatever you choose i hope you find peace. and i'm very sorry you've been/are being treated in that way, you don't deserve it at all. much love and a very big hug.

 

[sad_koala]

we can help you, you have the right to live the life that really belongs to you

 

[BrokenBliss]

we can help you, you have the right to live the life that really belongs to you

Yes, please let us try to help you before taking a step you can't come back from.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

It sucks for those of us who came from families who were overly concerned about where you stick your pecker !

The sign of a good family is if they care about HOW you stick your pecker. The answer is : condom only !

 

[sealbabies]

My heart goes out to you Gabby, may you find peace in whatever you decide ofc.

 

[OldDrummer]

Sorry, I'm done with life. I can't go on like this.
You have to understand that also live in a homophobic country with no trans rights.

So sorry you're going through this. If you were my kid, I'd be proud of you for just wanting to be yourself.

Thankfully in Ireland, we're very pro-LGBT. We were the first country in the world to introduce same sex marriage and to have an openly gay Prime Minister.

 

[Avril]

I'm sorry everyone. I've thought about this deeply. I'm moving my death date to a Wednesday since my aunt has asked to come see me (some errands because she is too old) and because I want to spend my final moments with my SS friends. That's the best I can do.

So I will be leaving at April 12, 10 PM GMT which is 6 am my time on April 13.

 

[Huntfish34]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this situation,. You deserve better. My brother is gay and I've honestly never agreed or liked his lifestyle But..... I still love and respect him. Much like our parents do I suppose. He's just a person like I am,. Trying their best to live life.

I wish you the best in whatever may happen,. Thoughts and prayers.

 

[LucieInTheDark]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this situation,. You deserve better. My brother is gay and I've honestly never agreed or liked his lifestyle But..... I still love and respect him. Much like our parents do I suppose. He's just a person like I am,. Trying their best to live life.

I wish you the best in whatever may happen,. Thoughts and prayers.

What do you mean with "not agreeing" to his lifestyle? Is the truth he's living, you cannot "agree" or "disagree" with something like that

 

[summers]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this situation,. You deserve better. My brother is gay and I've honestly never agreed or liked his lifestyle But..... I still love and respect him. Much like our parents do I suppose. He's just a person like I am,. Trying their best to live life.

I wish you the best in whatever may happen,. Thoughts and prayers.

Yeah, maybe there is a miscommunication here. Like if he engages in very risky or self-destructive behavior - ie multiple partners and doesn't use a condom. I can understand that.

It certainly doesn't read that way. Would appreciate if you can clarify.

 

[Why Me?]

So today my mother found out about my real gender and threatened to disown me. She threw away my clothes and cosplays, and threatened to separate with my father if I didn't act "properly".

My past 2/3 attempts were failures, most of my close friends know that. But I will make sure the next one will be my last. I will leave this Sunday forever. At about 10 PM GMT, on April 10th which is 6 am April 11 my time, I will jump to my death from the location I planned. I am now in the process of disabling all my social media, as well as planning my final meals, spending time with my online friends, I will make sure to disable my SS account so no one can trace it.

Also, my past attempts were due to bad breakups but looking at them now seems small compared to the problems I am facing today. I have an identity crisis. My family won't accept me for who I truly am. The reality is, that there is a chance I will get kicked out for just being myself.

I want to die with dignity. And I am well aware of my actions. My parents will be fine after my death. My sister will be fine. Life will go on.

Thank you for expressing yourself. I'm curious on why you think the other side will be better? Have you ever been happy? Do you really think there is no chance for you to build a happy life for yourself apart from your family, and help others do the same? Have you really given life a fair chance? I want to CBT too, but to actually do it, I don't know if I can...

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I'm sorry everyone

Absolutely no need to apologize. Move back as far as you want, cancel it, or continue. It is all sanctioned here. And no specific option is encouraged. If it is, then report the comment.