L0nelyTaff07
Member
- Jul 29, 2025
- 5
I don't think it'll ever get better. People always tell me "ohh things will get better" it never does. I've been in a perpetual cycle of addiction, self harm, and depression for at least the last 5 years. PTSD is too much for me to handle now. I don't want to talk about exactly what happened, but basically it was very frightening and traumatic. I was only 14 and it's pretty much ruined my life since. When I try to sleep, I just get constant nightmares about what happened. In the daytime I get terrible flashbacks, so much so I can't even do the most basic day to day activities.
I've been acting like such an aggressive anti-social asshole recently. I don't know if it's from the PTSD, the drink, or the drugs, but I just can't control my temper and emotions. It just makes me even more suicidal. I just want to hide from everything at this point, even if it's making me extremely distant from other people. It's probably better for them, I don't think people like me very much.
People tell me suicide is "a permanent solution to temporary problem" but I don't think my problems are going away, I need something permanent. I've tried therapy, CBT, etc. and none of it works. Drink and drugs work pretty well, but it only makes it go away for a few hours. Suicide seems like the only way to solve this problem, I want to stop existing completely. I wish I wasn't such a pussy and could firm it while I hang myself. Genuinely wish I could get hold of a shotgun or something and just blow my head off.
I might go write a suicide note now; for when I get the balls to actually end it all (If anyone's got any advice for writing one I'd appreciate it.)
P.S. sorry if I sound like self absorbed prick writing this, I just wanted to put my feelings out.
I've been acting like such an aggressive anti-social asshole recently. I don't know if it's from the PTSD, the drink, or the drugs, but I just can't control my temper and emotions. It just makes me even more suicidal. I just want to hide from everything at this point, even if it's making me extremely distant from other people. It's probably better for them, I don't think people like me very much.
People tell me suicide is "a permanent solution to temporary problem" but I don't think my problems are going away, I need something permanent. I've tried therapy, CBT, etc. and none of it works. Drink and drugs work pretty well, but it only makes it go away for a few hours. Suicide seems like the only way to solve this problem, I want to stop existing completely. I wish I wasn't such a pussy and could firm it while I hang myself. Genuinely wish I could get hold of a shotgun or something and just blow my head off.
I might go write a suicide note now; for when I get the balls to actually end it all (If anyone's got any advice for writing one I'd appreciate it.)
P.S. sorry if I sound like self absorbed prick writing this, I just wanted to put my feelings out.
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