NotToBe
Member
- Sep 28, 2023
- 7
Hello people of SS~
I've been a lurker here for the past couple of months now and I'm excited to finally express my feelings on here-
Mental illness is a bitch. I can't really describe with words just how isolating and painful it is. Most people in my personal life already know that I have issues, but as of lately I've been in a very dark place. So dark that I can't really bring myself to talk about it with them. A lot of things have gone sour in my life recently and I feel like I'M LIVING IN MY OWN HELL. And I really think it's a shame since I'm still in my early years of adulthood, so I feel like this is when I'm supposed be thriving and looking forward to things, but I just don't really see the excitement or opportunity that other people see in existing. I just don't feel the obligation of giving myself hope anymore. I have a lot of people in my life who I love so dearly- so many relationships that have had ups and downs- If I told them how I really feel about being alive and existing on this floating rock I feel like it would just break their hearts, and I don't want anyone to worry about me anymore. I've definitely considered CTB for most of my life but as of lately I've been more serious about the prospect of it. I've done extensive research regarding it. It's gotten to the point where I don't really care what my friends and family would think. It's not that I'm apathetic towards them. I love my support group more than anything. I know that it would probably devastate them if I left permanently. But at the same time I just want to take agency over my own life for once- I never asked to be here and I never asked to be in such an unstable headspace and I feel like I deserve peace. I have a feeling that it's going to happen sometime soon- I'm not really sure when as there are still a couple of things I want to do before I'm gone.
There are a lot of things and a lot of reasons that have contributed to the current situation I'm in and I anticipate that I'll be making more posts on here going into more detail as I can't really fit everything in here. But for what it's worth I just wanted to say that I'm really happy that I found this community. From what I've seen here there's been so many people and so many situations that I can empathize with and relate to, and I don't feel like I need to worry about expressing any taboo thoughts when I'm in this space. I'm really happy to be here.
I'm aware that I'm not really the center of attention on here lol, but I guess that my goal for while I'm in this community is to just express my true feelings while I still can so that maybe someone on here can understand me, and to also make others feel less alone as well.
If you've made it this far thank you for reading :)
I've been a lurker here for the past couple of months now and I'm excited to finally express my feelings on here-
Mental illness is a bitch. I can't really describe with words just how isolating and painful it is. Most people in my personal life already know that I have issues, but as of lately I've been in a very dark place. So dark that I can't really bring myself to talk about it with them. A lot of things have gone sour in my life recently and I feel like I'M LIVING IN MY OWN HELL. And I really think it's a shame since I'm still in my early years of adulthood, so I feel like this is when I'm supposed be thriving and looking forward to things, but I just don't really see the excitement or opportunity that other people see in existing. I just don't feel the obligation of giving myself hope anymore. I have a lot of people in my life who I love so dearly- so many relationships that have had ups and downs- If I told them how I really feel about being alive and existing on this floating rock I feel like it would just break their hearts, and I don't want anyone to worry about me anymore. I've definitely considered CTB for most of my life but as of lately I've been more serious about the prospect of it. I've done extensive research regarding it. It's gotten to the point where I don't really care what my friends and family would think. It's not that I'm apathetic towards them. I love my support group more than anything. I know that it would probably devastate them if I left permanently. But at the same time I just want to take agency over my own life for once- I never asked to be here and I never asked to be in such an unstable headspace and I feel like I deserve peace. I have a feeling that it's going to happen sometime soon- I'm not really sure when as there are still a couple of things I want to do before I'm gone.
There are a lot of things and a lot of reasons that have contributed to the current situation I'm in and I anticipate that I'll be making more posts on here going into more detail as I can't really fit everything in here. But for what it's worth I just wanted to say that I'm really happy that I found this community. From what I've seen here there's been so many people and so many situations that I can empathize with and relate to, and I don't feel like I need to worry about expressing any taboo thoughts when I'm in this space. I'm really happy to be here.
I'm aware that I'm not really the center of attention on here lol, but I guess that my goal for while I'm in this community is to just express my true feelings while I still can so that maybe someone on here can understand me, and to also make others feel less alone as well.
If you've made it this far thank you for reading :)
