Its my fault

[goodoldnoname923]

She left because of me,because i was horrible to her and not nice to her but I can't help but think back to her "friend" that convinced her to leave and my gut feeling has always been dodgy about him

And the more and more i think back to certain moves he's pulled and things he's said I can't ever be certain but i feel it's possible he is manipulating her and the worst part is if he is i gave him an easy in and if he does end up hurting her its going to be all my fault…i'm trying to do everything to find out the truth but I just can't and even if i did its not like she's going to listen to me or no one else will thats for sure…

Its all my fault…all of it and i hate myself for it

 

[suicideby]

If you feel guilty or sorry, shouldn't you solve it? You should solve it realistically, not write it on the site. You said real love was 15 years ago, but if you keep writing it doesn't seem like it's him. Then it's not real love, right? I saw a thread earlier that said that you wanted an early death without pain. Then shouldn't we try for that kind of death? I've seen a lot of suicidal thoughts other than on this site. Everyone thinks like that in the beginning of suicidal thoughts, or the real intention or comfortable way is not fast and requires effort. The quick way is painful. At first, I hesitated to kill myself for seven hours. But because there is no way to die, and no one is helping me, I keep trying to die with terrible thoughts. Now I have no survival instinct, and I know that there is pain in dying quickly and reliably. I want to lose everything without getting anything, only psychosis, and pain. I want to keep dying. I do that because the only way for me to be happy is to die. What I want to see before I die is for the person who has ruined my life to die, and I don't think that's possible. That will make my life better It's faster for me to die than that