NSFW its my birthday and somehow its gotten worse

[reese in pieces]

I thought I could get better, I thought everything was getting better but I am constantly reminded that I am in a random fucking school in the middle of nowhere then the nicer schools where I used to live near the beach. I hate how my mom had to find my ctb notes to realize that I need a session with a psychologist and somehow it has not fucking happened. my peers are stealing my food and drinks and clothing that I have purchased myself without consequence. I am only friends with a small few at school and no one would even give me a slight chance to even befriend them. My moms husband jumps into every conversation. I had especially a person I used to have a crush on later to find out he was a predator and raped his baby sister, and how I was in the wrong for telling him white lies. or how I looked like a person that was at his old school that "died in a fire" but it was a lie he made up. I thought new year new me, I made new years resolutions I was on a new diet for a bit but succumbed to hunger at any given second now, I thought I could try new coping mechanisms but I having cut myself this much since last year. I hate my life and it feels like I'm never going to be getting out of school or my moms dickhead husband that she's probably going to cheat on like the rest of her husbands/boyfriends. I'm failing every single class and might actually have to repeat it because they don't my family to pay for tutoring anymore because im "to smart" for tutoring and dont want my dad to send me money because they feel like its damaging the relationship between me and them, or how im not allowed to visit my other side of the family near the beach because theyre "bad influences". I miss my family and I'm not allowed to go back. I'm stuck with a bunch of people who are a far different race then I am and treat me different for that. I feel like im dissociating from reality and I cant stop it. I hate school, I hate the family I am forced to stick with. If I ctb and survive would I have a better chance with living people I want to live with? ctb and dying seems better but both ways seem great, it looks like this is my only way out.

 

[Gangrel]

First of all, happy birthday, you survived another year and that is one amazing feat, second of all i am sorry it was hard to survive, i don't have much to say other than i wish i could hug you mate

 

[billie]

 

[Phantomygg]

I understand your experience with school it can be hell and only really gets better once u graduate. I hope you are able to find peace

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm failing every single class and might actually have to repeat it because they don't my family to pay for tutoring anymore because im "to smart" for tutoring

Some schools offer peer tutoring which is usually free. You can try looking into that and seeing if your school offers it. Both my university and high school offered it. Basically, they have students from higher grades tutor and help those in lower grades. For example, having someone in grade 12 tutor someone in grade 9.