PROJECT: Extase
Starlit
- Jan 11, 2024
- 64
Hi everyone,
As some of you may know, my life has been pretty tough to the sensitive person i am and, it's been almost exactly three months since i've promised to myself to ctb before july but i think it is gonna happen much sooner. The memories just won't leave me away especially at night and it causes me to be extremely tired. Its very hard for me to just go and sleep when i know that it will take me, at best, 3 hours of depression and painfull memories before i can finally fall asleep. I always have to resort to that fake universe i made up in my head where i would live as someone else named Extase, (hence my username. Also aknowledge that she looks pretty much the same as my profile picture). To be honest, i think it might also be part of the reason why i always feel so bad. It's been years since i created Extase and i've lived as her for thousands of hours now. How could i enjoy life, the same life that hurt me so much and sometimes made me sad that i was unable to cry when i could be Extase, be happy ? Every single time i think about the fact that Extase doesnt exist and that i'm stuck down there on earth, that i'll never be able to be here and that there isn't anyone to hug me i just get so desesperate. Why do i have to live if i am not Extase? Maybe I wouldn't feel that way if i didnt suffer so much in life but now it has became a part of me. I need to be Extase. But I know i can't. I'll just keep fantasaizing until i can finally die and be free from this reality. Maybe Extase is waiting for me, up here with the stars. I strongly hope so. But no matter what, I need to die. Because i can't take it anymore.
As some of you may know, my life has been pretty tough to the sensitive person i am and, it's been almost exactly three months since i've promised to myself to ctb before july but i think it is gonna happen much sooner. The memories just won't leave me away especially at night and it causes me to be extremely tired. Its very hard for me to just go and sleep when i know that it will take me, at best, 3 hours of depression and painfull memories before i can finally fall asleep. I always have to resort to that fake universe i made up in my head where i would live as someone else named Extase, (hence my username. Also aknowledge that she looks pretty much the same as my profile picture). To be honest, i think it might also be part of the reason why i always feel so bad. It's been years since i created Extase and i've lived as her for thousands of hours now. How could i enjoy life, the same life that hurt me so much and sometimes made me sad that i was unable to cry when i could be Extase, be happy ? Every single time i think about the fact that Extase doesnt exist and that i'm stuck down there on earth, that i'll never be able to be here and that there isn't anyone to hug me i just get so desesperate. Why do i have to live if i am not Extase? Maybe I wouldn't feel that way if i didnt suffer so much in life but now it has became a part of me. I need to be Extase. But I know i can't. I'll just keep fantasaizing until i can finally die and be free from this reality. Maybe Extase is waiting for me, up here with the stars. I strongly hope so. But no matter what, I need to die. Because i can't take it anymore.
