Venting It’s getting bad again and I am so tired.

[succor]

I had a few good days. Good enough to take some time away from SS, distract myself with a new video game to take my attention away from my chronic pain, the last week playing has been all I've been doing and it was working for a while.

Now it's falling down again and I'm having difficulty in not impulse CTB or harming myself. My partner is sound asleep next to me. He's one of the only things keeping me here. I feel so selfish. He works so hard to try and give me some semblance of quality of life but I am miserable. Right down to my bones, soaked in it. I'll have a couple ok days mentally and then it'll just crumble again. I always end up back here.

I know when I CTB my mother will lose her mind. I know when I CTB my best friend might follow after me. I know when I CTB my partner will be lost. And yet it's still a matter of "when" and not "if". I am a selfish, terrible person for knowing these things for certain and still planning to proceed.

I can't handle the pain and exhaustion anymore. I'm worn so thin, I have so many holes in me. When I go my method will be partial suspension. I don't mind discomfort or a degree of pain. Every day is painful. What's a little more?

I don't know what to say anymore. I'm exhausted down into my heart of hearts. I feel like there aren't words anymore. Nothing worth saying from me, anyway. Nothing worth hearing.

 

[foxdie]

I'm sorry everything is so rough for you friend, I feel the same right now. Sending hugs and love in this tough time What new game did you get BTW? Only if you feel like talking about it.

 

[succor]

I'm sorry everything is so rough for you friend, I feel the same right now. Sending hugs and love in this tough time What new game did you get BTW? Only if you feel like talking about it.

Hello, friend. My boyfriend got Hades for me and over the last week I've already put 95 hours into it, haha. Granted, some of that was me getting distracted by Twitter and leaving it up in the background, but still.

 

[_Kaira_]

Hello, friend. My boyfriend got Hades for me and over the last week I've already put 95 hours into it, haha. Granted, some of that was me getting distracted by Twitter and leaving it up in the background, but still.

I've been wanting to play that game so badly, but can't afford it.

Sorry you're feeling the way you are :(

 

[foxdie]

Hello, friend. My boyfriend got Hades for me and over the last week I've already put 95 hours into it, haha. Granted, some of that was me getting distracted by Twitter and leaving it up in the background, but still.

Oh nice, I've never been able to get into roguelikes before but I've only heard good things about Hades.

 

[succor]

I've been wanting to play that game so badly, but can't afford it.

Sorry you're feeling the way you are :(

Thank you for your sympathy, it's been terribly difficult.

Oh nice, I've never been able to get into roguelikes before but I've only heard good things about Hades.

it's very fun and honestly very accessible for people even if you don't like roguelikes because it's not as punishing and progress is made no matter how poorly you do, haha.

 

[foxdie]

Thank you for your sympathy, it's been terribly difficult.


it's very fun and honestly very accessible for people even if you don't like roguelikes because it's not as punishing and progress is made no matter how poorly you do, haha.

Ah interesting! Unfortunately I'm a console peasant (PS4) but I'd check it out if I could haha. I'm glad it gave you some distraction, sorry it's not doing the trick anymore. Maybe the spark will reignite eventually. Stay strong

 

[shijsrzh]

I am sorry you have to suffer like that, succor. My heart goes out to you.