A little bit of backstory on me...
I'm from Australia in my mid 20's. I joined SS in early 2020. Since 2020, the site has changed a bunch. In 2020, SN was plentiful. You could by 99% pure SN from eBay or Amazon for $10. No silly license needed. If you were willing to spend the money, you could buy N from some guy in Mexico. That's all changed. Sources for N are gone. SN is heavily restricted, and most of the people I met on this site in 2020 are either dead, or have been able to overcome those CTB thoughts.
For me, I was hell bent on CTB in 2020/2021. The only thing stopping me was the pandemic. So I waited and waited until the pandemic ended. However, by some twisted stroke of luck, I developed anorexia. Don't get me wrong, anorexia sucks. It's an awful illness. But if there is one advantage, it nullifies all feelings. Those suicidal feelings I had? Gone. However, a side effect of anorexia is that it will eventually kill you, albeit in a painful way.
In the end, I was forced to recover. I didnt have much of a choice. And with recovery came all sorts of emotions. One of those emotions being suicidal.
It would be nice to not be suicidal. To just be normal. But I'm not made for that life. It's not in my DNA. I have my SN ready to go. I just have some loose ends to tie up.
Some of us just aren't meant for this world. A good friend once said to me: "A tree born crooked will never grow straight"
I'm from Australia in my mid 20's. I joined SS in early 2020. Since 2020, the site has changed a bunch. In 2020, SN was plentiful. You could by 99% pure SN from eBay or Amazon for $10. No silly license needed. If you were willing to spend the money, you could buy N from some guy in Mexico. That's all changed. Sources for N are gone. SN is heavily restricted, and most of the people I met on this site in 2020 are either dead, or have been able to overcome those CTB thoughts.
For me, I was hell bent on CTB in 2020/2021. The only thing stopping me was the pandemic. So I waited and waited until the pandemic ended. However, by some twisted stroke of luck, I developed anorexia. Don't get me wrong, anorexia sucks. It's an awful illness. But if there is one advantage, it nullifies all feelings. Those suicidal feelings I had? Gone. However, a side effect of anorexia is that it will eventually kill you, albeit in a painful way.
In the end, I was forced to recover. I didnt have much of a choice. And with recovery came all sorts of emotions. One of those emotions being suicidal.
It would be nice to not be suicidal. To just be normal. But I'm not made for that life. It's not in my DNA. I have my SN ready to go. I just have some loose ends to tie up.
Some of us just aren't meant for this world. A good friend once said to me: "A tree born crooked will never grow straight"
