Venting It's almost like the universe is playing a game

[AsTheWorldCaves]

I set a date to ctb over a year out since I have some projects I want to see to fruition, and every so often I'll think to myself, "you know, life isn't so bad. There's some cool stuff scheduled for after X day, maybe I could stick around. I'm just gonna die anyway, why rush things?" but then I will experience within 24 hours an acute reminder of why I'm doing this, somehow more painful and more intense than any preceding it. Even just contemplating pushing the date back by a couple months has the same result. If I were a more paranoid person I'd think I was living in a Truman Show-esque simulation.

Anyway, I'm nearing the one year anniversary of when I decided to ctb, and there's less than six months to go. I can at least be happy about that.

 

[NaturalSelection]

Would u do it if it was right now ? Like RIGHT NOW at the second u see this ? Probably not, setting date is not very usefull most of the time u can't go through. But if u are happy with yours well thats fine.

 

[AsTheWorldCaves]

Would u do it if it was right now ? Like RIGHT NOW at the second u see this ? Probably not, setting date is not very usefull most of the time u can't go through. But if u are happy with yours well thats fine.

Wow. Called out on SS. That's a new low.

Thanks for the motivation!

 

[NaturalSelection]

Wow. Called out on SS. That's a new low.

Thanks for the motivation!

No you didn't understand me or (likely as am not native speaker) I didn't express myself well. You are probably not ready to do it. I don't know u but it seems like you should probably seek to solve the problem that bring u to the ctb solution. And you sound like a women and most of u have no real problems I am sory to say it out loud.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence really is so cruel to me but anyway I wish you all the best.