
SinisterKid
Visionary
- Jun 1, 2019
- 2,113
I have official diagnosis of severe depression and anxiety. OK, thnx doc, appreciate it. Now I know that, we can fix it right? Well, err, no, because it transpires that what they told me is a lie, a fabrication, not based in any fact, past, present or future.
I have had physical disability for 11yrs now. Its there, for everyone to see. Its not something I can hide and pretend doesn't exist. Its irrefutable, its a fact, as clear as the nose on my face, or yours for that matter. But there is nothing can be done about said disability because it stems from brain trauma and that dear folks, they cant treat.
Before that moment in time 11yrs ago, I did not believe in stress, anxiety, depression or any other so called Mental Health issue. It was all in the mind and the mind could conquer anything if you only applied it correctly. I was physically fit and active. I had stamina to burn. Sleep was for dead people.
So fast forward and to accompany the physical disability, slow decline into mental disability came about, unbeknown to me as I did not believe in such crap. After my first suicidal episode, thats when the diagnosis was made about my mental ILL health. So what could be done about it? Well, because the said depression and anxiety was caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, we could take some pills that would correct that and make me feel better. FUCKING MYTH!
After writing something on this very forum, and someone pointing out that chemical imbalance is not measurable, I did some reading, well, a lot of reading. And yes, its true, there is no way to measure the alleged imbalances that supposedly occur in our brains due to mental illness. They are in a state of flux, constantly, so any attempt to measure them is always going to be inaccurate because of such flux. So why tell me this in the first place I ask? The answer is, I have absolutely no idea. There is not one shred of medical evidence to support such a claim. They know what these chemicals are, they know what they do and dont do, but they dont know how much or how little of them we each possess. So why throw medication at something you dont even know exists? Again, I have absolutely no idea. If, what they told me were true, why the flying fuck, 3 yrs down the road I am in a worse state than I was at the point of diagnosis?
There is, without doubt, a genetic misdemeanour in our family. My mother, uncle, sister and myself have all been, at some point or other, depressed to differing degrees. We also suspect, that if it were looked at today, my Grandma was also a depressive at points in her life. So that would explain something. There are without doubt environmental issues that contribute to my depression and anxiety. Disability being one of them. Lack of money, another. Lack of friendship. Lack of purpose. All contributing factors that no amount of medication can fix.
During the diagnosis period, therapy, group and otherwise, was helpful. Once that stopped, the slow descent back to my own personal void began. No amount of pills have been able to prevent it. But what I never got was convinced that I had the abilities to stop that descent or the tools. I am overly critical of myself. Can medication stop that? The medication to control heart rate and BP when in anxiety mode works, but it doesn't prevent my mind going into overdrive and over thinking the ins and outs of a fart.
So my conclusion is. I have been lied to and probably so have you. Medication is about as much use as a sore arse in treating matters of mental health. The stories you and I both read about anti psychotics having the reverse effect are all probably true. But why lie? thats the part I dont get and the part that really boils my piss.
I have had physical disability for 11yrs now. Its there, for everyone to see. Its not something I can hide and pretend doesn't exist. Its irrefutable, its a fact, as clear as the nose on my face, or yours for that matter. But there is nothing can be done about said disability because it stems from brain trauma and that dear folks, they cant treat.
Before that moment in time 11yrs ago, I did not believe in stress, anxiety, depression or any other so called Mental Health issue. It was all in the mind and the mind could conquer anything if you only applied it correctly. I was physically fit and active. I had stamina to burn. Sleep was for dead people.
So fast forward and to accompany the physical disability, slow decline into mental disability came about, unbeknown to me as I did not believe in such crap. After my first suicidal episode, thats when the diagnosis was made about my mental ILL health. So what could be done about it? Well, because the said depression and anxiety was caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, we could take some pills that would correct that and make me feel better. FUCKING MYTH!
After writing something on this very forum, and someone pointing out that chemical imbalance is not measurable, I did some reading, well, a lot of reading. And yes, its true, there is no way to measure the alleged imbalances that supposedly occur in our brains due to mental illness. They are in a state of flux, constantly, so any attempt to measure them is always going to be inaccurate because of such flux. So why tell me this in the first place I ask? The answer is, I have absolutely no idea. There is not one shred of medical evidence to support such a claim. They know what these chemicals are, they know what they do and dont do, but they dont know how much or how little of them we each possess. So why throw medication at something you dont even know exists? Again, I have absolutely no idea. If, what they told me were true, why the flying fuck, 3 yrs down the road I am in a worse state than I was at the point of diagnosis?
There is, without doubt, a genetic misdemeanour in our family. My mother, uncle, sister and myself have all been, at some point or other, depressed to differing degrees. We also suspect, that if it were looked at today, my Grandma was also a depressive at points in her life. So that would explain something. There are without doubt environmental issues that contribute to my depression and anxiety. Disability being one of them. Lack of money, another. Lack of friendship. Lack of purpose. All contributing factors that no amount of medication can fix.
During the diagnosis period, therapy, group and otherwise, was helpful. Once that stopped, the slow descent back to my own personal void began. No amount of pills have been able to prevent it. But what I never got was convinced that I had the abilities to stop that descent or the tools. I am overly critical of myself. Can medication stop that? The medication to control heart rate and BP when in anxiety mode works, but it doesn't prevent my mind going into overdrive and over thinking the ins and outs of a fart.
So my conclusion is. I have been lied to and probably so have you. Medication is about as much use as a sore arse in treating matters of mental health. The stories you and I both read about anti psychotics having the reverse effect are all probably true. But why lie? thats the part I dont get and the part that really boils my piss.