It's a Freaking Miracle, A Miracle I Tell You.........

[locked*n*loaded]

On more than a few occasions, I have posted about reasons I need to ctb versus reasons to not ctb. I wasn't able to come up with ANY reasons to stay and finish out my miserable existence. My family is all gone, no friends, all that. Anyway, I came up with nine or ten reasons to go ( I stopped tallying) and zero reasons to stay. Well, today, just now, I came up with something, and although it's not really a reason that will make me stay, it is something I am going to miss. I had forgotten all about it until I went outside to retrieve my garbage can and put it back. That's when I noticed I had a red, vine-ripened tomato on one of my plants just calling for me to pick it. I did just that, brought it in and washed it, sliced it up, put a little salt and pepper on it, and proceeded to devour the entire plateful in something under 5 seconds. There isn't anything quite like a vine-ripened tomato, especially when all you've had for the better part of nearly a year, are those no-flavor imposters at the supermarket claiming to be tomatoes. What a farce. It may have even tasted a little better than normal, since it came out of the last garden I will ever plant. No, good tomatoes are not enough to keep me here, but I will miss them, that's for sure. I couldn't even think of anything I'd miss when I was tallying my reasons for staying or going. Wow, one thing. What a hoot.

 

[Dried_Ink]

My one thing is Hope Sandoval. 56 years old. She will probably never perform live again, but I cherish in my heart the one time I saw her. In the front row, inches away from my idol, listening to her melodic voice in the flesh, for about an hour and a half — I can ctb peacefully with this single poignant memory.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

My one thing is Hope Sandoval. 56 years old. She will probably never perform live again, but I cherish in my heart the one time I saw her. In the front row, inches away from my idol, listening to her melodic voice in the flesh, for about an hour and a half — I can ctb peacefully with this single poignant memory.

You never know, her official page says she's back in the studio working on some new tunes. She does say she's shy and doesn't like to perform, but one never knows.

As much as I like tomatoes, I highly doubt that they'll be in my mind at the time that I go. Most likely I'll be thinking of my family who is no longer here.

 

[Dried_Ink]

You never know, her official page says she's back in the studio working on some new tunes. She does say she's shy and doesn't like to perform, but one never knows.

You're right! "March 17, 2022 - Hope's back in the studio…" That puts a smile on my face.
How cringe would it be to delay my ctb just to listen to one new song by my favorite artist?

 

[Jrmull1993]

@locked*n*loaded

I hope you have many more of these moments before you CTB. I enjoy reading your posts.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

@locked*n*loaded

I hope you have many more of these moments before you CTB. I enjoy reading your posts.

Well, thank you so much. That's very kind of you. And that's a very wonderful sentiment, but being the realist that I am, I doubt there will be many more, if any, as time is winding down for me, quickly. I guess that's coming from the realist, and pessimistic, side of me, which is where I am in life. But, hey, who knows? Thanks again.

 

[tser1073]

You're right! "March 17, 2022 - Hope's back in the studio…" That puts a smile on my face.
How cringe would it be to delay my ctb just to listen to one new song by my favorite artist?

Not cringe at all!

 

[Euthanza]

I imagine my self drinking wine and smoking marijuana fresh bud from my own pot, that is a miracle too, considering I'm living in a third world shit hole that prohibits cannabis and doesn't have much that manners, I am an alien in my own home country.
No, it won't change my suicidal thoughts too but it must help me sober with time. Btw glad you still can enjoy foodies.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

Isn't it funny how when you're depressed and lost interest in 99% of things the world has to offer, you sometimes find joy in the silliest of things. Mine is ordering food online -- the quality of the food doesn't matter and is actually pretty shit here. But the process itself, the little tracker that moves on the map. Lol. But exactly as you said, it's not reason enough to continue. Because outside of this little joy is an endless, dark void.

 

[Hiraeth Grimoire]

I totally feel you fellow sufferer. I've got nothing to live for, and many things to die for. Ending it seems to be the best option for me as well. Hopefully you may also find peace.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I know what you mean about that tomato… I feel like there's so many amazing things in life… Too many if they're financially out of reach… Glad you are able to experience such pleasures ….