
sadgirl9999
ready to go ♡
- Jan 27, 2019
- 65
i'm not scared of an afterlife anymore, i welcome death and i do not want to be alive. i used to struggle with the permanence of death, but i've accepted it and it's all i want. i need the suffering to end. so why can't i do it?!! because i'm scared or messing up. my method is partial- it's so simple. a slip knot around my neck, tied to a steady ligature, and making sure nobody is around for ~an hour. why am i so terrified of messing up? because i'm incompetent. because i've failed with hanging before (was black out drunk though).
i can't decide on a ligature. i can't decide what type of knot to use on the ligature. i can't decide which room to do it in so i don't wake anyone up, or if i should even do it at home. i can't decide which type of rope. i'm scared my slip knot will come undone.
:( it shouldn't be this hard. if it wasn't for the chance of ending up brain damaged, i would already be gone. this is so awful. i don't want to be in pain anymore but i also don't want it to get worse after a bad attempt. :( :( :(
i can't decide on a ligature. i can't decide what type of knot to use on the ligature. i can't decide which room to do it in so i don't wake anyone up, or if i should even do it at home. i can't decide which type of rope. i'm scared my slip knot will come undone.
:( it shouldn't be this hard. if it wasn't for the chance of ending up brain damaged, i would already be gone. this is so awful. i don't want to be in pain anymore but i also don't want it to get worse after a bad attempt. :( :( :(