Venting It is impossible to live.

[hellno]

I just can not do this anymore. This sober life is impossible, today I am 90 days clean from all kinds of drugs (mostly benzos and ketamine) and I know that the way my sober brain works will never change. It is so fucking painful, I will try to explain it but it's hard to bind words to it. I feel deeply ashamed about almost everything I say and do, I literally hate myself for breathing. Things I have said at any point in my life fucking haunt me, and I'm so stressed about this all the time. I've never told anyone this, because I don't even know what"s going on. Anyways I'm either gonna relapse or ctb, I know that if I relapse this will stop, but at some point I will have to get clean again because someone will probably find out. If I ctb it will all be over, forever. I guess I'm stuck between these options. If anyone can idk give any advice or something I will really appreciate it, thanks.

 

[theboy]

i advise you to reconsider ctb. i know life can become very difficult and hopeless but i hope you find peace. anything pm :)

 

[hellno]

i advise you to reconsider ctb. i know life can become very difficult and hopeless but i hope you find peace. anything pm :)

Well I haven't made any choices yet. But I think a lot about it, I guess I'll see where it goes, thank you though :)

 

[theboy]

I hope you make the best choice for your life :)]you're welcome.

Well I haven't made any choices yet. But I think a lot about it, I guess I'll see where it goes, thank you though :)