It is hard to muster up the courage to kill yourself.

[FTL.Wanderer]

if it could be an instantaneous thing it would be easier i'm sure . instead of having to time eating, then time in between, then time anti emetics then .time before u take the stuff it's hardly impulsive !!! i'd be able to just take the 2bottles N and drink them if that was all that was required but it's not . therefore you have all this time prior to allow the SI to get to you . my SI kicks in as soon as i think about the regime needed . otherwise i'd be gone asap
I'm sure a lot of us are the same

You hit the proverbial nail on its head. EXAAAAAAAACTLY so! Too much time for the damned SI to kick it. That's why I'm going with a shotgun. Once I have it, it's there, I grab it, walk out to my chosen place, and before I can say a word it's done. ... Best of luck to you--great comment.

 

[angie]

You hit the proverbial nail on its head. EXAAAAAAAACTLY so! Too much time for the damned SI to kick it. That's why I'm going with a shotgun. Once I have it, it's there, I grab it, walk out to my chosen place, and before I can say a word it's done. ... Best of luck to you--great comment.

Thank you and best of luck to you too

 

[MeltingHeart]

I suspect most of us don't actually want to die. That's what holds us back. But we don't want to live either.

I DO want to die now ( I mean as in I didn't previously) - but I'm just distraught that my life has ended up at this point where this is now what I am having to contemplate - it's a hard thing to reconcile with. I've only wanted to die for a year- but in that year I've felt that desire every minute of every single day- I don't think there is any turning back from that- it's not like feeling suicidal for the odd moment or day here & there - I'm talking- it's a constant thought- morning till night.

 

[Hadenuf]

I DO want to die now ( I mean as in I didn't previously) - but I'm just distraught that my life has ended up at this point where this is now what I am having to contemplate - it's a hard thing to reconcile with. I've only wanted to die for a year- but in that year I've felt that desire every minute of every single day- I don't think there is any turning back from that- it's not like feeling suicidal for the odd moment or day here & there - I'm talking- it's a constant thought- morning till night.

I have the same issue every waking minute

 

[Mr2005]

I'm not someone who could do something on impulse but I'm too depressed to put the necessary preparation together. Then even once you have, even if it's fullproof and peaceful the reality is that that's then it forever. Problems over but so is everything else. The knowledge you'll never see that persons face again. That's the reality they will then live with too. Granted you won't care once you're dead but whilst you're still alive it's hard not to. If people treat it trivially I don't think they're serious. It's the biggest decision anyone will ever have to make. Not just life changing but literally life and death

 

[BleedingHeart]

I'm not someone who could do something on impulse but I'm too depressed to put the necessary preparation together. Then even once you have, even if it's fullproof and peaceful the reality is that that's then it forever. Problems over but so is everything else. The knowledge you'll never see that persons face again. That's the reality they will then live with too. Granted you won't care once you're dead but whilst you're still alive it's hard not to. If people treat it trivially I don't think they're serious. It's the biggest decision anyone will ever have to make. Not just life changing but literally life and death

I feel you. I even had the thought the other night that even if promised I would just fall asleep at night and pass away without knowing it and be delivered from my torments, I feel simply having that knowledge would make me an insomniac from knowing it was the last time for seeing anything or anyone. I'm a shell of who I was or thought I was; even so, it's hard to reconcile that and CTB. Hugs to you.

 

[OnlyMercy]

I DO want to die now ( I mean as in I didn't previously) - but I'm just distraught that my life has ended up at this point where this is now what I am having to contemplate - it's a hard thing to reconcile with. I've only wanted to die for a year- but in that year I've felt that desire every minute of every single day- I don't think there is any turning back from that- it's not like feeling suicidal for the odd moment or day here & there - I'm talking- it's a constant thought- morning till night.

I feel exactly the same way. It's all too unfortunate that society as it currently stands isn't very progressive and still views suicide as something that isn't a product of rational thought. It is the stigma and nonsensical suicide prevention policy that make it difficult to execute suicide without fear of failure or misguided attempts to try "save" you, even if such recovery attempts attempts will leave you in a chronic vegitative state with no reasonable prospects of recovering with some decent quality of life.

 

[Hadenuf]

It's just an inbuilt human mechanism - it of course hard to override- especially if it isn't done impulsively in that way and of course it might not be the right time for you, if at all, maybe there are other factors holding you to life for now.

I think SI is the main factor I love my family but don't see me going on

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I don't think there is any turning back from that- it's not like feeling suicidal for the odd moment or day here & there - I'm talking- it's a constant thought- morning till night.

THIS!!!

 

[Girobatol]

The lonliness that you experience when you´re about to ctb is unbearable. I hate the hiding part. Depresses me even more.