Venting It hurts

[MidnightCat]

It does hurt a lot.

I try to keep myself alive altought I don't want to be around anymore.

I have no good reasons to ctb, nontheless it's something that my mind cannot scape from.

This last 2 years it's been a constant thought and the failed therapy, treatments and so on it's starting to make a dent. A big one.

I'm confused, I forgot where I end and where depression ends. I'm not even sure I'm in full control of my mind.
And I miss self harming, I miss the peace of the sharp blade over my skin.

I hate to "keep resisting" I just want to surrender already. On days like today, even my old scars hurt as if they're on fire. I do understand it's psicological, some of them have 15+ years. But still...


I've got a pension for depression for a year. I do try to think that I could at least stick around for this year and try to do things I like or that may make living a little better for me.

But I just can't...

 

[FuneralCry]

Your wish to leave this world is understandable as it really can be so tiring feeling trapped here when you just want to be gone. But anyway I wish you the best.