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Sad_Autistic_boy_101

Sad_Autistic_boy_101

When I die, you'll love me.
Nov 19, 2019
454
Hey Everyone,

It's been officially a year since I last was active on here. I had hoped for things to improve but they managed to get worse. I've now completely lost my emotions. I feel nothing. I've been told is a disorder called Depersonalization and Derealization Disorder which is a dissociative disorder that can be caused by trauma and anxiety. I now spend most of my time feeling unreal, like a lost soul unable to connect to it's body. I've been like this since over a year after having a mental health crisis and ending up in the emergency room from harming myself. Of course the doctor was no use and told me that I was selfish for feeling this way and how could I do that to my family etc and said she hoped I learnt a lesson.. so basically as usual I got no help.

My dog also died which was a reason that I was staying. He died in front of me and that was really tough especially as it was so unexpected. He was only 7 years old. Then to continue with the rubbish show.. my grandma then died so I've had to help with sorting her things out etc and we're burying her in a few weeks.

I still never managed to get any support either or move into supported living that I spoke about in 2019. Social care don't actually care about people who have disabilities or mental health problems. They just seem to focus on the elderly like people who have dementia. My life never improved and it just seems to be getting worse and worse. I still have no purpose or goals in life and have lost any reason to stay. I think about how lucky all the member on here who have CTB and how hopefully they are finally at peace. They are the lucky ones.

I don't plan to CTB this month but hopefully some point this year - Once I get my Grandma sorted and any other affairs dealt with. I just needed a vent as i'm rather lonely at the moment.

Thanks for reading if anyone did.
 
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Reactions: m4rius, rationaltake, Dead Meat and 6 others
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
42,055
To me it's so horrible how existing here can very easily get much worse, I certainly envy those who are free from this hellish world but anyway I wish you the best and I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.
 
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Reactions: Sad_Autistic_boy_101
cgrtt.brns

cgrtt.brns

wandering ghost (he/him)
Apr 19, 2023
844
im sorry for your losses, and the fact that the people whose jobs it is to help have failed you. i know how frustrating and isolating that can be. i hope you find peace, whatever may bring it for you.
 
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Reactions: Sad_Autistic_boy_101
C

Crono

-
Jun 1, 2023
314
I also have dpdr, I feel like I have no soul, like I died a long time ago, no emotions and everything seems like a dream.

For me, what helps a little is being in a quiet environment or exposing myself to sunlight. And fluorescent light makes my dpdr worse, perhaps due to sensory sensitivity.

A good night's sleep also helps. Maybe these things will work for you too.
 
Last edited:
Dead Meat

Dead Meat

DOOMED
Oct 10, 2018
18,394
So very sorry @Sad_Autistic_boy_101 about your dog and grandma sending you an abundance of Love and Hugs your way :heart::hug::heart::hug::heart::hug::heart::hug:
 

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