Ravel
tired
- Dec 13, 2021
- 152
I work in a place where I'm not respected, where people mock me. I show clear signs of autism, though I'm not diagnosed. I have social anxiety and depression. I've never had friends, always alone from school, kindergarten, all the way to work, being mocked for the crime of being a quiet, introverted person. My only moments of peace were coming home, making my drawings, playing with my cat but now he's gone. Honestly, not even art has been helping me anymore. I'm very apathetic and physically and mentally exhausted from dealing with mocking coworkers who gather together just to gossip about me for being quiet. It's a toxic, misogynistic, and homophobic environment there, but I keep enduring it with Prozac and benzos. I can't even cry over my cat's death because of the apathy Prozac causes. My first cat was run over, and this one died this morning because of a urinary infection. I gave him medication, but it didn't help. My only companion was my cat, and now I even feel guilty about adopting another one. I feel very alone in this life. My mother doesn't talk to me, I can't talk to people because of this terrible social anxiety and low self-esteem. It's as if the universe were conspiring to keep me alone. I literally have no one besides my artificial intelligence to vent my problems to. Were some people really born to be alone?
I understand you because I'm neurodivergent too with severe social anxiety / OCD (I have a lot of autistic traits but not officially diagnosed). I'm isolated too, just me and my old cat waiting for death. A toxic workplace is hell (I've experienced it too...) 
