Venting It feels as if the world wants me to kill myself.

[PlutonianRooster]

Today, I caved and posted to a subreddit about wanting to die soon - a last ditch sort of effort to be heard. It got deleted by mods, despite not breaking rules (that I read over many times), and despite seeing many similar posts in the past.
I have a suicide-related link in my Discord profile - a list of tips on how to talk to someone suicidal, which I personally thought was a good resource - out of the fantasy that anyone will check on me, see it, and maybe, just maybe feel the slightest concern. No such chance. The last time I was messaged first was to be broken up with five-ish months ago, and I'm sick of reaching out to people who never reach back out and clearly only talk to me out of moral obligation.
Not to mention there's little I can say without rolling the dice on getting locked in a psych ward; the last thing I want is my privacy stripped away and my parents knowing I want to kill myself. Sometimes I want to just scream that I'm about to die, but I can't.

It feels like fate is spitting in my face and goading me to just go ahead and die.

I started writing my online suicide note today... but what the hell is the point? Will anyone I know even read it? Will anyone say shit about my death and suffering that's more than just "damn, that sucks"?
What a pathetic end to my struggle to live. Going out not with a bang, and not even a whimper.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Y do u post on reddit at all - it's better to post here!

Why do you wanna die? Be sure, you won't be judged here. All our personal reasons why we consider suicide are fully valid!

 

[brokeandbroken]

Today, I caved and posted to a subreddit about wanting to die soon - a last ditch sort of effort to be heard. It got deleted by mods, despite not breaking rules (that I read over many times), and despite seeing many similar posts in the past.
I have a suicide-related link in my Discord profile - a list of tips on how to talk to someone suicidal, which I personally thought was a good resource - out of the fantasy that anyone will check on me, see it, and maybe, just maybe feel the slightest concern. No such chance. The last time I was messaged first was to be broken up with five-ish months ago, and I'm sick of reaching out to people who never reach back out and clearly only talk to me out of moral obligation.
Not to mention there's little I can say without rolling the dice on getting locked in a psych ward; the last thing I want is my privacy stripped away and my parents knowing I want to kill myself. Sometimes I want to just scream that I'm about to die, but I can't.

It feels like fate is spitting in my face and goading me to just go ahead and die.

I started writing my online suicide note today... but what the hell is the point? Will anyone I know even read it? Will anyone say shit about my death and suffering that's more than just "damn, that sucks"?
What a pathetic end to my struggle to live. Going out not with a bang, and not even a whimper.

I can't say i don't feel the same myself. Killed not in violence but rather apathy.

 

[PlutonianRooster]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Y do u post on reddit at all - it's better to post here!

Why do you wanna die? Be sure, you won't be judged here. All our personal reasons why we consider suicide are fully valid!

I'd like to keep my reasons private, at least for now, primarily because I had a poor experience talking about it in real life - opening up again is like trying to use a stove after being badly burned.
I'd say my issues fall into the 'permanent problem' and 'grief' categories.
Everything was also recently made worse by being abandoned by everyone in my life when I needed support the most.

I appreciate this forum very much. The kindness and openness about suicidality is a breath of fresh air.

I can't say i don't feel the same myself. Killed not in violence but rather apathy.

It's a slow, insidious pain. I'm sorry you have to suffer it as well.