pain in my head, physical tension and fatigue. crunched. feel all over the road. i just can't get anything right. nothing has ever worked. i try to get on, people are hard on me. same pattern generally all through my life. that being said, people who complain about my attitude are generally just scum to me, they have probably had an easy life, they are probably completely detached brats. i don't know any more, all i know is i am dead, flat on my back, ive lost everything, everyone is dead. my parents and my sister will miss me but i truly don't care about people any more, fed up of being demonised or blamed or having suffer other people being hard on me, fed up of the implication i don't pull my weight enough in life, i wanted to do my best, i always wanted to get on, i was never entitled never expected people to just give me whatever i wanted, maybe there were times i pushed but doesn't everyone? why do i have to be nice to people who don't give a fuck about me? why do i have to make the effort for everyone, why am i expected to make the effort? i can't do anything any more, if i stay alive i will end up on the streets, in a wheelchair, brain damage, probably end up in prison. don't have a life worth living any more, i didn't get anything right in my life and i'm too worn out, too knocked out to feel any joy or hope or optimism or love or happiness, just pain. endless fucking pain. it's just too much and i can't hold it together
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