Venting Isolation

[Lostandfound82]

I have isolated to the point of not knowing how to act socially and this has affected me deeply. It feels good to escape society in the moment but now it's affecting me deeply. The second I wake up all I feel is constant anxiety. I just lay there desperately trying to fall back asleep so I don't have to feel every waking moment of pain. i sleep my life away during the day so that I'm always in the comfort of night. I have distanced myself from all of my friends and when I do try to hang out with them I can hardly speak at all. I'm usually a very outgoing person so this is like mental hell for me. I can't take the loneliness anymore. I just want eternal sleep. I have struggled with this for years and each time it lasts for six months and the longest one being a full year. I feel like this time is my breaking point. I don't want to keep going through this. I crave mental stability but I never find it. If I'm not in this mental state I'm extremely manic and make rash decisions. This is my first post so I'm kind of nervous and I hope you all accept me.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you have suffered a lot and it must be so incredibly tiring and awful feeling trapped in that situation. It makes sense to me wanting to spend your days sleeping for as much time as possible and it's completely understandable wishing for eternal sleep.
To me it sounds like the most ideal thing being completely unaware of this existence and being able to rest for eternity, I really envy those who have already left this horrific world. I hope that you eventually manage to find the freedom that you wish for.