Is your mental state partially caused by past bullying?

[AgathaChristieLover]

Back in high school, I was bullied relentlessly. I don't blame them, I suck. I was tripped, I was laughed at, I was excluded, I was called a faggot a retard. This, along with my mom's hatred of me, is my main reason for my choice to CTB. Does anyone have similar experiences?

 

[dragonofenvy]

Not the sole reason, but if it hadn't happened I think my life would've looked a lot different. I wouldn't have viewed the world as a place hostile to me.

 

[alphabetsoupz]

I hate to admit it, but yes. I was bullied throughout school although it now feels like "the least of my issues" and irrelevant. Most of the severe bullying that occured and traumatised me was during my later years (late teens to early 20s).
It involved a lot of psychological abuse following a spiking incident.

 

[vitbar]

Yes. I was ostracised at school since I started. It caused a sense of inadequacy and shame. I still find so many things difficult because of being mocked. Anything I perceive as containing the threat of more mistreatment.

It's a major, though not total, contributor to who I am today.

 

[cheaptrick]

Yes. I was ostracised at school since I started. It caused a sense of inadequacy and shame. I still find so many things difficult because of being mocked. Anything I perceive as containing the threat of more mistreatment.

It's a major, though not total, contributor to who I am today.

Yeah that's eerily similar to how I would describe my own situation.

 

[TwistedNightmares]

Yeah, bullying did affect my mental state quite a bit. The emotional bullying I had to endure from some people was awful. Being excluded from things didn't help either.

 

[HappyPotato69]

i feel like bullying didnt affect my mindset directly at the time, because i was actually completely clueless as a kid (socially) so i didnt even perceive it as bullying and it made splashes later on in life which affect me but its not that big as other things tbh

 

[ForeverOutcast]

Yes.

 

[deadofdespair]

I have thankfully never been bullied. My heart goes out to those who have experienced it. (I like Agatha Christie aswell, whats your favourite book?)

 

[darksouls]

yes,
some classmates really loved to beat me up after school whenever I got better grades than they did,
I still suffer from the effects of that

 

[suncide10]

Yes, it was the first time I had suicidal thoughts.

 

[luna674]

Yes not just partial it's fully affected me there's so many fake rumors out there about me anywhere I go I can't get away from it even the jobs I've had.people think they know me and it sucks im really a good person I wish they would ask me instead of running with the rumors I have no support system

 

[pk@2001]

Surely, since I have faced bullying till the age of 14-15 and to go with constant scars and relentless beating which I suffered from my dad has surely undermined my confidence. If you go through these conditions there are only 2 ends to it, either you develop a rebel personality where you're constantly whining, fighting or you develop a shell around yourself and the more you're sucked in it, the more it undermines your confidence.

 

[Die.A.Ria]

Definitely

 

[NutOrat]

So sad reading all of these stories... Very sorry y'all, this shit isn't your fault. People never realize just how much they can screw someone's entire life over just with some words, not even talking about physical bullying. Especially kids. Some regret it later, feel tormented themselves, others don't seem to even remember or care...

My brother was my first and biggest bully. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that half of my problems with confidence and self esteem were planted in me by him in our childhood. He was the older one, parents were rougher with him, and he was a natural aggressive bully. With me parents were much gentler, I was a crybaby and always went to them for protection against him, which of course agitated him even more. He bullied me for my looks, my weight, called me a girl, a sissy, etc etc. Later at school I found a friend, my best friend - he was almost a complete copy of my brother, and so he became my second personal bully. I don't think I would drop art if he wasn't making fun of it so much, among so many other things...

My brother regrets it deeply, and still tries to make up for it, but his methods are borderline the same, or even worse. There's no one in the world who makes me want to die more than him. He loves me, and thinks that he's helping, which is why it hurts even more. Essay over.

 

[thelostautistic]

I'm sorry you had to go through what you did. You didn't deserve that

This is partially my reason for wanting die but not the main one. I worry that I'll always be treated badly in some way because I'm Autistic and an easy target. I don't understand why people hate us so much. I'm not a bad person but sometimes I question whether I am.

 

[+lostdog+]

from other kids? no, i was a troublemaker, so its awkward to think about, but not traumatic.
from """trusted""" adults when i was kid? yes. very much so.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

yes, i think that is what started me feeling like this, although i dont remember that time in my life so i dont know, maybe it was something else that started it. but being bullied is definitly part of it.

 

[Szarur-abi]

Yea I attended one school for 10 years of my childhood till I went to highschool... And yea given it was the same people who bullied me and spread the rumours for most of these years I experienced bullying from people I even didn't know cause rumours spreaded so wide. I was ostraticized and everyone had negative opinion on me... I was deeply unhappy, and hated every second in school.

It was mainly vocal bullying, people calling me dumb idiot and a ape and making weird sounds at me etc. And generally making my life miserable... Throwing things at me, pointing lasers in my eyes, pushing, stealing things. even after I went to highschool I couldn't feel safe since I took the bus with the same ppl which on ocassion I got called names too. It wasn't that often tho compared previously. I'm 24 now but im still afraid of strangers and people in general, and their perception of me in public spaces meaning I think they laugh at me and insult me in their conversations

It generally made me feel as a weirdo who can't be accepted by anyone.

 

[starboy2k]

do pigs shit?

ofc bullying stunted the fuck out of my development.

my mother was my first bully, then the kids at school, then some teachers who intentionally turned a blind eye or even abetted it.

and worst of all… never being taught to defend myself because when you're bullied for being a fag, apparently you have NO REASON to defend yourself.

don't get me started on the bullshit i had to face in my past jobs that very much mirrored the shit i went through during school.

i loathe people who think bullying is "character development" because they're the same people who shit bricks when that supposed "character" brings guns to school or becomes the worst kind of abuser in their adult lives.