Is your life not bad enough to actually kill yourself yet?

[AngelGirl]

The thought just came to my mind. If you are reading this, you are obviously still alive just like me.
I'm pretty sure I'm not killing myself today or tomorrow.
I wonder if being more miserable would make a suicide plan something imminent.
Because I have thought at least several times something like, "if something really terrible happens to me that I feel like I can't take it anymore, I will do it/ /or it will make things easier for me to do it"

Hypothetically, If you were going to lose all your 4 limbs next week and you know it, would you be able to actually kill yourself before it happening? Will you be able to kill yourself this week?
Do you think you would do it after the incident happening? Or do you think you still won't be able to do it, like you can't do it right now for whatever reasons you might have at this moment.

Not what you would want to do ideally, but you will be able to actually do it?

 

[LastFlowers]

If I was going to lose all 4 limbs then yea I would need to fast track things. Right now I have more than enough reason to kill my self but from experience, I know it can always get worse, even at rock bottom. Only things stopping me is fear of failure and ending up a brain damaged vegetable, as well as some things to destroy and put into place as end of life preparation. I also need the other parts of the SN regimen which are ironically proving more annoying to get ahold of than SN itself; because at this point I will have to die by SN..not my preferred method, not sure how I will handle the panic of the waiting process after I drink it..but I am given no other option at this point.

 

[botanormal]

For me personally, I'm waiting for a good time where I'll be able to be completely alone before attempting, so there's no chance of being found before completion. Although, if something terrible happened suddenly like you said, I think it would make me want to fast track the process a bit. If I were to fail and be found, I worry how it would ruin my life, so I don't want to do anything until I'm 100% certain there is no room for failure.

That being said, if I knew specifically my limbs were going to be lost, I'd probably risk it considering I wouldn't really be able to ctb without them anyways lol.

 

[KleinerWolf]

There's the people that say "if it happens, we'll deal with it"
I like to plan ahead, however if I'm being honest that's just the brain's tricks to take control of things and make things manageable.

To answer your question, I believe everyone has different limits to various issues,
you'll certainly know about it if you've exceeded it.

Everyone speculate the future,
but no one can guarantee it.
Life really is kinda random.

 

[imjustanemptyshell]

I'm just waiting to tip over... for me there're moments that I feel "this is it". But there're other moments where I'm like "oh maybe I can try this other thing" It sucks and I'm confused too.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Suicide has definitely moved to something I want to do 'now' rather than 'at some point' so I would say things are bad enough for me to go

 

[Sensei]

Not yet. I'll take the final step If things get significantly worse or something terrible happens. It will probably be a pre-emptive strike, so to speak.

 

[sadworld]

I can't ctb right now but if things don't randomly get better I'll do it the next time I can.

 

[illbeinthegarage]

my reasons for killing myself are pathetic compared to others but goddamn they make me feel like the world is ending

 

[ecmnesia]

I'd like to think that I'd be able to do it, after all, losing all four limbs would significantly make it harder to cbt later.

Personally, i feel like there is always going to be something on my way to cbt, SI will always create a non-existent obstacle in order to delay my departure, there is always going to be another ice cream flavor i want to taste one last time, another song, another dish, another book, another daily life problem that combined with the inconvenience of my death would make things harder for my loved ones... i think, that for me at least, i just have to let those things be, detach from them and carry on. I don't know if I am ready, but i want to do it, so whatever.

 

[MrBlue]

I think if I was going to lose all 4 limbs then I'd be able to ctb pretty easily. One of the reasons I'm basically just seeing how long I can survive while 'living' the way I do is the knowledge that ctb doesn't stop being an option. Hell I know I will kill myself eventually, it's just an endurance game for me at this point. Imminently taking away that option by losing mobility would force my hand out of neccessity.

 

[Kramer]

Problem is people adapt. There are people with Parkinson's, etc who keep living. It's bearable enough for them to stay alive even though someone watching them spill their food time and time again would probably reach for a gun if that were them.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Ready to go now, anything that happens in the next two weeks will only add to my desire. Been ready for as long as I can remember just failed to many times before. This time I hope it's for real and I can go towards the emptiness of nothing

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

In my opinion my life is bad enough to ctb though I'm sure anyone else who isn't a dumb pos like me would be able to turn it around if they were in my shoes. I know it could be a lot worse for me but it's definitely not getting any better in the next couple years so that's when I'll do it.

 

[LooksAtMoonDog]

My intention to kill myself is based on the inevitable decline in quality of life, at some point as I age I will reach that point but I am not there yet. Another factor is a risk analysis; how likely am I to be put in a position where I would not be able to make the decision for myself, for instance getting in an accident that paralyzed me or having a debilitating stroke. But I'm not ready to CBT yet.

 

[the_final_countdown]

It is uncomfortable and painful enough that I would like to die.

I just can't overcome SI.

It's kind of surreal to realize there's something stronger than the worst torment I've ever experienced.

Whatever pain I've felt pales in comparison to SI.

I'm not sure how I'll be able to overcome it.

It's what keeps me going most days.

Living seems unbearable but suicide is so difficult to overcome I can't even process it.

Maybe after a couple decades of suffering I'll be able to prepare my mind for that journey.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I always wanted to die via CTB since I formed mature thought patterns but this was more so due to wanting to avoid the BS associated with old age. However the CV19 crisis has severely reduced my quality of life and I think if a vaccine was very far off I would likely have CTB already .

 

[WOODESITY]

I Think i get your point, when i Lose all my income from work and bills are due, rent, phone bill, etc.. my response is to map the place where I'll go and off myself, and assuring myself that life is what it is.. that everything is already lost, although there is nothing to be gained from this life, in long term, we all die one day, either natural or intentional, when things go bad and wrong or when i predict enough, there's no point to having a hope, because that worst is to be disappointed with my own hopes and then it gets worse, if i know I'll be in situation soon that i can't handle I'll just work on my CTB plan asap, it's comforting and nothing else can make me feel better personally than knowing how I'll die and for what

 

[BandAddict]

I was actually thinking about this for a large portion of today. It's fucked and probably sounds awful, but I sometimes wish something bad would happen that would put me over the edge and "justify" CTB.

My mom occasionally mentions things to keep in mind in case something were to happen to her, i.e. where money is etc. And I just think... I wouldn't be prepared for that no matter what so I don't really worry about what I'd do afterwards. I'd just CTB, I wouldn't have to think too hard about it.

But for now, I have too many doubts and anxieties to go through with it.

 

[nora.]

The thought just came to my mind. If you are reading this, you are obviously still alive just like me.
I'm pretty sure I'm not killing myself today or tomorrow.
I wonder if being more miserable would make a suicide plan something imminent.
Because I have thought at least several times something like, "if something really terrible happens to me that I feel like I can't take it anymore, I will do it/ /or it will make things easier for me to do it"

Hypothetically, If you were going to lose all your 4 limbs next week and you know it, would you be able to actually kill yourself before it happening? Will you be able to kill yourself this week?
Do you think you would do it after the incident happening? Or do you think you still won't be able to do it, like you can't do it right now for whatever reasons you might have at this moment.

Not what you would want to do ideally, but you will be able to actually do it?

i cant do it now, but if i can do it i would do it in a heartbeat. i live with my parents and i dont have the power to move out, and because of the pandemic i cant get out of the house. soooo i would do it haha
SI is a pain in the ass tho

 

[Tmaista]

It is but dying isn't as easy as i thought.

 

[signifying nothing]

My desire to ctb has been waning lately. Cannot say why exactly, but things seem to be shifting, which in time might make my life more bearable. Might.

 

[Lupgevif]

No, it is not bad enough yet, but I won't wait for it to become either.

 

[Mentalmick]

I'm waiting on a reliable, pain free, peaceful method. I'm sick of the the violent hack and slash methods I usually use. I would also like a partner because I don't want to die alone.

 

[Querlista]

If I knew I would loose all my limbs I would kill myself in a heartbeat. I'd be the absolute worst to want to ctb but not being able to.
As for now, I am preparing as much as possible and just waiting for this feeling that it's the right time, as I did before. When I have an impulse to do it there will be less doubts and fear. But this time I will make sure nobody will interfere.

 

[HopelessBorderline]

My moods alternate between really super-fucking amazing and really down-in-the-dirt fucking kill me now. "Borderline". When I'm good I'm good. When I'm bad it's a difficult situation to "snap out of". But it's a fine line on actually deciding to commit to suicide because I know that after a few hours/a day or two I'll snap out of it again. The trouble is I live every single day with the fear of when that next episode is going to happen, because it is just that awful to live with. I don't think I'll ever fully live my life free of my own mind. I question daily what we exist for and why I'm stuck in this dull routine. My life itself isn't "bad". People probably envy my me, I don't know. I probably make it look like rainbows from the outside when I am on my happy cloud. But climb inside my mind and you'll be in hell. I can just about cope with it, but others wouldn't. The day I take my life is when something major pushes me me over that edge that I won't be able to get over. No amount of therapy can fix a broken person.

 

[Barteljaap]

I'd say it is bad enough. Just a matter of when I can put together a good plan and overcome SI.

Losing all 4 limbs is quite extreme, I definitely wouldn't want to live like that. But losing only 1 or 2 limbs would honestly be a neutral for me (as crazy as that sounds). I find a lot of suffering comes from the pressure/expectations set by other people. Having less function from losing 1 or 2 limbs would be counterbalanced for me by a feeling of lower pressure. People would not expect as much from a cripple.

Not to diminish their suffering, but I think that's why a lot of people with severe injuries or illnesses are able to find happiness. The odds are stacked against them, society doesn't expect anything from them, so if they do manage some success it's something they can really be proud of. Meanwhile, anything I ever achieved felt like I was barely living up to expectations lol.

 

[Nexol]

I was thinking about this since quite a while now. My pressure to ctb is pretty high but SI and just the idea of something could went wrong always backs me off. If i knew i would loose all my limbs, im pretty sure i could overcome myself. Lately i had the thoughts off doing things which could help me to overcome those things, but still worried about that.

 

[Spiral]

The thought just came to my mind. If you are reading this, you are obviously still alive just like me.
I'm pretty sure I'm not killing myself today or tomorrow.
I wonder if being more miserable would make a suicide plan something imminent.
Because I have thought at least several times something like, "if something really terrible happens to me that I feel like I can't take it anymore, I will do it/ /or it will make things easier for me to do it"

Hypothetically, If you were going to lose all your 4 limbs next week and you know it, would you be able to actually kill yourself before it happening? Will you be able to kill yourself this week?
Do you think you would do it after the incident happening? Or do you think you still won't be able to do it, like you can't do it right now for whatever reasons you might have at this moment.

Not what you would want to do ideally, but you will be able to actually do it?

For me, the only reason i didn't do it yet is because i want to get my affairs in order before i go. For example i had a small amount of debt that i didn't want my family to have to deal with so i have spent a few months clearing it. Next month will be my last payment and i will use this last month to clear out belongings and give things to charity etc to make sure there is very little to do once i'm gone. Then i will make my exit peacefully with my chosen method.
If I had pressure of time and i had to do it quickly i would not have the chance to exit peacefully, i would end up panicking and going for a quick and messy alternative that would be unpleasant for everybody, including me.

 

[muffin222]

My life is always bad enough to kill myself. I'm just choosing, for now, to try to persevere through the pain and sorrow and see where recovery may lead me. I've accepted that this or ctb are my only real options at this point.