is to CBT in my mom's house acceptable? - Broke and worthless!

[counting-out-time]

Hi all - New member here. I did post a thread about the night night method a few days ago but something i need to ask is as i still live with my mom, dad passed away many years ago, i'm thinking about cbt in bed at some point in the day as i can no longer get by day to day and every day just gets to me. My mom is a good person and i know she will be in tears when she knows i've passed. but i've come to a decision where if i ctb would put me at peace. i have no friends, no job, just had my driving licence taken off me due to me being an absolute pratt! drink driving cause of being unstable.


i just wish that i don't wake up tomorrow morning but due to lack of funds i'm sorta stuck here, i got all the equipment here i need to use to ctb but i know i want to ctb and hopefully not wake up after i do this. i just feel selfish as my mom counts on me to do daily tasks (surviving from cancer).


long story short, i may be going to prison soon for something i didn't do but this world is just getting me down and i just want to be at peace. is it too much to ask for?


I hope someone can help me and give me some idea on what i can do. i've got a ratchet strap and rolled up socks on the right places - if anyone can possibly help me before i tighten the strap before i go then that would be nice.


Thankyou :)

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound like a difficult situation to be in and it must be hard to deal with. I'm really sorry that you are going through all this, this life is just so cruel and wanting peace and to escape from it all is certainly not too much to ask for. I doubt that such a thing as peace even exists in a world like this, at least it could definitely never do to me.
I wish you the best.

 

[counting-out-time]

Thank you for your reply. Sometimes I look up and think that to be away from this life must be better as when you ctb then it's nothing else. Thinking of doing the plan tomorrow evening. I know a lot of people in my family will be hurt but I will leave a note stating why I had to do this, I honestly love SS as I can be my own person and not be judged on what I intend to do with my life

 

[Ticket 2 Heaven]

My mom knows ive been suicidal for about a decade now. Shes tired of my complaining. I told her im going to kill myself. She said ok, but dont do it in the house. We have property so i can rope in a tree away from the house. If you have no other option. Id say go for it.

 

[Lost21]

Does your mom own the house she lives in because this will reduce the value of the house?

 

[almaranthine]

I attempted suicide while living in my mom's house a few years back. My plan was totally ghetto and I had a feeling it wouldn't really work but I still tried. I had a good amount of seroquel and vistaril which I down with a copious amount of alcohol while my bathtub filled up. I was hoping to pass out and drown. Instead, I blacked out, broke the glass bottle of lemonade I was using as mixer, cut myself either intentionally or by accident... and my mom came home from her closing shift to find me whacked out and drawing on the bathroom floor in my own blood. Needless to say I was committed for that. Then my mom proceeded to act like it never happened. Ideally if I were ever in that position again, I would not want to do it in her house or have her first find me. Is there anything you can sell perhaps to get enough money to get a hotel for a night?

 

[counting-out-time]

My mom knows ive been suicidal for about a decade now. Shes tired of my complaining. I told her im going to kill myself. She said ok, but dont do it in the house. We have property so i can rope in a tree away from the house. If you have no other option. Id say go for it.

If I'm honest there is nowhere else to do this + from reading the megathread for the method. it states that it's better to tighten the strap slowly while watching tv and eventually you will just go. yes i't might be a lot for my mom to take in but I think she would understand why I had to do this as couldn't cope anymore.

I attempted suicide while living in my mom's house a few years back. My plan was totally ghetto and I had a feeling it wouldn't really work but I still tried. I had a good amount of seroquel and vistaril which I down with a copious amount of alcohol while my bathtub filled up. I was hoping to pass out and drown. Instead, I blacked out, broke the glass bottle of lemonade I was using as mixer, cut myself either intentionally or by accident... and my mom came home from her closing shift to find me whacked out and drawing on the bathroom floor in my own blood. Needless to say I was committed for that. Then my mom proceeded to act like it never happened. Ideally if I were ever in that position again, I would not want to do it in her house or have her first find me. Is there anything you can sell perhaps to get enough money to get a hotel for a night?

That is something I was not aware of - the cocktail you was using. will have to look into that. on the other issue with a hotel is that I no longer have my wallet containing all my ID - my car is off the road and I do have a iMac I'd be looking to pawn but it's getting it somewhere that will give me some pennies.

@Lost21 - my mum owns the house but mentioned along time ago about leaving it to me and my other siblings. if all goes to plan then maybe I'd become a spirit.


I've decided to do the night night plan tonight when I'm in bed - I can just mellow out to some top gear or family guy and go night night and not have to worry about reality anymore.

 

[FuneralGrey]

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide the moral/ethical implications of CTB in your mother's home. If you choose not to, and can't afford a hotel, there are places remote enough in or around most cities/towns/etc. to follow through without being disturbed. My only worry about the night-night method when you're not alone at home is the risk of thrashing around – from what I've read in hanging, or practising strangulation on myself, people can sometimes kick around in seizure-like jerky movements once oxygen gets cut off, which might alert someone to check on you/rescue you.

If you've decided on a plan, and you're comfortable with following through with this final act, then I wish you well. I hope you find the peace you're after.

 

[counting-out-time]

I honestly feel bad to do it here but I want to be somewhere I know and that is warm and comfy when I go to the other side, I did think about doing this in a forest but its getting quite cold here in the UK - and I'm a wimp when it comes to the cold! but with the method I plan to use, my research I found states that then the arteries in the neck are compressed, you pass out and then if that restriction is still in place after 5-10 mins, that's it! your gone.

it seems similar to someone getting a blood choke in the marines, after 5 seconds they pass out but then once the choke is released, about 5-10 seconds they come round again. after all getting hold of SN or even N is impossible for me and although I did try to gas myself in a car - that failed as me being stupid, forgot that modern cars have cats which filter out the NOx so I was basically in a steam room with windows dripping with brown stuff. not even a cough. after 30mins I gave up and got drunk.

thank you anyway and I hope I find peace next time I go to sleep
also with compressing the neck arteries, after 5-10 mins your brain dead so organs should stop and body shuts down, almost like turning of a light switch

 

[Sad_Sack]

My mom knows ive been suicidal for about a decade now. Shes tired of my complaining. I told her im going to kill myself. She said ok, but dont do it in the house. We have property so i can rope in a tree away from the house. If you have no other option. Id say go for it.

Your mother said ok but don't do it in the house???

I honestly feel bad to do it here but I want to be somewhere I know and that is warm and comfy when I go to the other side, I did think about doing this in a forest but its getting quite cold here in the UK - and I'm a wimp when it comes to the cold! but with the method I plan to use, my research I found states that then the arteries in the neck are compressed, you pass out and then if that restriction is still in place after 5-10 mins, that's it! your gone.

it seems similar to someone getting a blood choke in the marines, after 5 seconds they pass out but then once the choke is released, about 5-10 seconds they come round again. after all getting hold of SN or even N is impossible for me and although I did try to gas myself in a car - that failed as me being stupid, forgot that modern cars have cats which filter out the NOx so I was basically in a steam room with windows dripping with brown stuff. not even a cough. after 30mins I gave up and got drunk.

thank you anyway and I hope I find peace next time I go to sleep
also with compressing the neck arteries, after 5-10 mins your brain dead so organs should stop and body shuts down, almost like turning of a light switch

I get how you feel about wanting to go in your own environment. Just know though that as a parent I can say that finding your kid like that would be beyond painful. I can't even describe how horrible it would be. I'm not trying to change your mind on ctb, just trying to answer your question about doing it at home. It will hurt her either way but she won't have the shock and image burned into her brain if you can manage it elsewhere.

 

[counting-out-time]

Thanks for reply. Won't speak too much as on phone and ended up getting drunk. Will be doing this tomorrow night instead. Too drunk to attempt. Will keep you posted in the morning

 

[makethepainstop]

Sometimes the need to ctb overrides the needs of others. But I have to say you are kindly.
Sometimes the need to ctb overrides the needs of others. But I have to say you are kindly.

 

[counting-out-time]

Hi all

Just wanted to update you on what I just tried out of curiosity and bloody hell it works


A piece of strap and 2 small pieces of pipe insulation on the strap around the neck - just below the Adams apple, found the pulse either side and put the insulation on the points and then hand tightened.


Next thing I know I'm on the floor with a dog licking my face - also if done correctly then you will get no head throbbing ( this happens because of too much pressure on the neck - only need around 3KG )

next time I do this, it will be with a ratchet strap and a vodka'n'coke - I have confidence that if done correctly then it does that it says on the tin

photo attached of what I used - the strap with insulation on is that I used on my neck - above is spare insulation - tried using as a elbow but too soft - and at bottom is spare bits of insulation incase you want to double up on the firmness.

if all goes to plan then tonight is the night and night will be night.