Is this the first place you were open about wanting to kill yourself?

[wait-for-the-bus]

Is this the first place -SS- you were open about wanting to kill yourself?

How important was that to you?

It is for me.

Never have I ever told anyone about my attempt to kill myself when I was 15. And I have never told anyone before that CTB was in my future.

 

[motel rooms]

No. I've discussed it with many other suicidal survivors of CSA over the years, but the other person always broached the subject.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I started out with reddit suicide sub but then moved to here. I think being able to express and connect with others going through similar things as myself allowed me to feel some sense of community and relief. It took the edge off and i no longer feel i have pressure to commit suicide because I have my method ready and i could go when the time is right for me

 

[Bleak]

No I used to post on alt.suicide.holiday... there's been a few different forums like this over the years too. Kind of embarrassing that I've posted all these years yet haven't attempted again. Wish I had somewhere I could talk about it irl.

 

[Tomoko]

No. I remember being honest to my friend about it since I was close with him, but it turned into virtue signal city and he angrily told me I was wrong for thinking about that stuff. So I went on DuckDuckGo and searched "suicide forum" when I got off of work and made my account the same exact day.

 

[aprilshowers]

No. I have a friend I talk about this kind of stuff with just because we are like minds on the matter.

 

[erdbeeren]

Is this the first place -SS- you were open about wanting to kill yourself?

How important was that to you?

It is for me.

Never have I ever told anyone about my attempt to kill myself when I was 15. And I have never told anyone before that CTB was in my future.

Around 18 months ago, I was active on depression subs on reddit as well as r/SuicideWatch. Once I discovered this site in October, I stopped being active on reddit because the subs were full of pro-life optimists and idiotic mods.

I ended up getting permanently banned on all my accounts (basically ip banned) for "encouraging suicide" when I was trying to answer a question about hanging without getting into too much detail.

 

[greyautumnsky]

No.

 

[whywere]

No. I have told various folks throughout the decades about my mental health. I am what I am, and I have always thought that people will think what they want.

I try my best to be very nice, kind and helpful towards everyone and after that I cannot change a person's ideas and/or thoughts.

Walter

 

[VKVK]

No. I've told many people before when I get close/more acquainted to them. It was almost always a mistake, yet I did it anyway.
Also browsed some other forums/social media apps related to mental health/this sort of thing, so I suppose I'm used to writing about it even if 'semi'-anonymously.

 

[little helpers]

yes and no. I was honest about my suicidality to the people who were once close to me. but I could never be "that" honest. if I barely crossed their pro-life line, it's an endless stream of "temporary solution" and "don't you wanna try A, B, C, and D?" BS thrown at me. well, I've prolly tried more shit than you can ever mention.

and too much ableism. "other disabled people did blah blah and you're a piece of shit for lack of will and not trying hard enough." thanks, you put in one portion of effort and get that much in return. we put in a hundred only to be asked why we can't just accept getting the "same" one portion back. the most outrageous one I've seen, he said, "well, how do you know *I* am not disabled? I've had a bit of back pain for a while."

man, it's too much for me to not magnificently explode in front of their eyes. or take the window exit before they can stfu.

 

[Sister of the Moon]

I've never really spoken to anyone about it properly, but when people have said to me they wish they were dead, I have held their hands and said that I understand because I often feel that way too. I have not gone into further details than that. Sometimes when being assessed in therapy I have ticked the boxes that ask about suicidal thoughts, but been careful not to make it look too serious, as I don't need sectioning or being deemed an unfit mother.
I have been on this path for many years and am nowhere near carrying anything out, it's mostly just ideation and somehow I know deep inside, things will all get too much and I will die by my own hand. I hope it's not yet, but things are getting crazy.

 

[Julgran]

I have told both a doctor and my boss - they both were understanding, but were also concerned about me and don't want me to hurt myself, of course.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes. I have never told anyone that I want to ctb, in real life people would not understand and accept my decision, they would selfishly expect me to suffer for decades. I wish we lived in a world where suicide was not so stigmatised and then I can tell others that I plan to ctb and then just exit peacefully because after all it is my life, my decision.

 

[Myl]

No.
I have told people online before starting in 2017 but it's always the same generic responses you get no matter where you go.
"Don't do it" "You have so much to live for" "You're so young"
I don't even bother posting about it anywhere anymore becuase I know i'm always going to get the same responses no matter what.

IRL my family already knows due to failed attempts sadly. They are extremely pro-life and say I'm just doing it to get attention because I wouldn't have failed if I was serious. They don't understand SI or how hard it actually is to kill yourself.

 

[Sky66]

No, I have talked with my therapist about it and it went really bad. I feel really bad for everyone who is here but I think this site is a blessing and it makes me feel less alone.

 

[redd1993]

Yes and no. After multiple failed and rather poor attempts a couple years ago it's become very clear for my family that it's something that is often on my mind. I don't think I have ever honestly spoken to them about it though. I think they perceive it as some failure on their part. They seem to take the blame for my suicidal tendencies when it really has nothing to do with them. I also never really opened up about it to my best (and really only) friend because I don't want to be a bummer all the time. So the internet it is!

 

[AllMyDreams]

Yes and no. First time it came up I told a bunch of people, and ended up being hospitalized. I felt better after that for a while, but tbh there just isn't enough in life that makes me want to stay. I can't bring myself to tell family or friends I'm feeling like this again, because it was hard enough for them the first time, and if I told a doctor I'd be institutionalized which is a big no-no.

 

[RedPanda]

Actually, yes, nobody and I mean absolutely NOBODY knew I was suicidal, even though I was like this for 15 years. SS gave me a platform to vent. Bottled up emotion for 15 years, spilled out into written text. It felt liberating.

 

[Callie Arcale]

Yes.
I told someone once.
They immediatedly suggested I go get checked in to a psych ward.

I have held their hands and said that I understand

"I have held their hands"… This right here makes me cry. It's the most beautiful thing. Thank you. I wish I had someone like you in my life.

 

[ket]

i told my psych and DIDN'T get institutionalized, was a christmas miracle.

 

[nowayout*]

Haven't told anyone not planning on it either. Just want to figure everything out and go.

 

[Sister of the Moon]

Yes.
I told someone once.
They immediatedly suggested I go get checked in to a psych ward.


"I have held their hands"… This right here makes me cry. It's the most beautiful thing. Thank you. I wish I had someone like you in my life.

You are more than welcome to message me any time, if you need a friendly shoulder.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Yes, I had never said a word about suicide in person as I was too prideful and feared the consequences of doing so. I do wish I was more open to discussing my problems back in my early 20's, before it would become too late. I'm sure it would've prevented me from doing stuff that would make life intolerable later on.

 

[Justsogone]

Nope the first time I bringed up the topic with someone who used to be a very close person, I didn't say at all what I was feeling, It turned out that person didn't pay attention. I've always been a discreet person and I don't like to tell my personal problems so I started to browse, at the beggining I didn't found out this place untill two months ago, but before this I was surfing on the net reading post from people venting themselves( Pretty common sites to post about suicide as well).
Btw sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Yes, and judging by the current climate it will be the only place where I will open up about my desire.

 

[whywere]

Nope the first time I bringed up the topic with someone who used to be a very close person, I didn't say at all what I was feeling, It turned out that person didn't pay attention. I've always been a discreet person and I don't like to tell my personal problems so I started to browse, at the beggining I didn't found out this place untill two months ago, but before this I was surfing on the net reading post from people venting themselves( Pretty common sites to post about suicide as well).
Btw sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker

HI! your English is better than mine that English is my native language.

I am so sorry that the person that you confided in was so unhuman. Here on SS the folks are so darn nice, caring and thoughtful and you have found an awesome site indeed.

Also, WELCOME!! to SS!! It is great having you here!!

Please take care of yourself and have a great upcoming weekend.

All my best to you, my new friend.

Walter

 

[Justsogone]

---

Thank you so much friend
I really appreciate it.
Take care and have a good journey

 

[Crazy4u]

I'm not 100% sure. I'm active on reddit suicide watch as well. I have never mentioned anything about CTB to anyone I know

 

[Thankyoufortoday]

I've never openly admitted it to anyone before this site. I think I was in denial myself. I used to post about self harm on r/madeofstyrofoam but that's it. I lurked this site for weeks before even having the courage to make an account