Is this it? (catching the bus)

[knowheretorun]

So, I've considered a lot of CTB methods over time, but ultimately they're all either too complicated or too expensive. I'm jumping on the tracks because I'm desparate to end it, this has been going on for too long. Most likely, it will be painful. It will definitely traumatize the driver. But I don't have much else. I'm in a pretty clear state of mind, pro-choice and I've tried reaching out for help, plenty of times. Psychologist didn't help, I can't reach out to a psychiatrist because of family and spending time with friends isn't taking medication, even if it's enjoyable.
Lights out. If I wuss out, I'll write back, but this is probably a final decision.

 

[Huntfish34]

Damn,. I wish you could choose a different method somehow but regardless I hope you can find peace.

Thoughts and prayers to you -

 

[Tonight634]

In the end it's not your fault, society has made it impossible for us to leave in a decent, peaceful way. You wouldn't have to resort to this cruel method if other people didn't feel entitled to have a say whether you can die or not and how. I hope it's quick and you don't experience much pain...

 

[Red Scare]

I can't reach out to a psychiatrist because of family and spending time with friends isn't taking medication, even if it's enjoyable.

What does this even mean?

 

[oziinnz]

I'm sorry to hear the suffering you're in. Surely there's a better way, I know a surviver who lost her legs whatever you choose I hope it brings you more peace than pain

 

[sharky]

There's better ways to go. I'm against anything that can cause harm to others. Don't involve anyone else in your ctb plans.

 

[FuneralCry]

I could never ctb that way, it sounds horrifying, but I know that this life can be unbearable when you are desperate to leave. I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point and I hope you find relief from pain in whatever happens.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

When people say they'll jump in front of a train, do they really mean that ? I always thought it meant laying your neck over the tracks or something.

Either way it sounds like a fucking terribly scary way to go. Out in the cold, knowing you've got to fuck up the day of many people. Shit, even hotel staff finding my body has frustrated me. But that is as far as I can minimize the involvement of others without sacrificing the reliability of my method.

What does this even mean?

I reread it 4 times now and I still do not know.

 

[Red Scare]

When people say they'll jump in front of a train, do they really mean that ? I always thought it meant laying your neck over the tracks or something.

Either way it sounds like a fucking terribly scary way to go. Out in the cold, knowing you've got to fuck up the day of many people. Shit, even hotel staff finding my body has frustrated me. But that is as far as I can minimize the involvement of others without sacrificing the reliability of my method.

I reread it 4 times now and I still do not know.

I had the same thought about hotel staff, it stresses me out too.

i think I am going to get a nice hotel room, where the sleeping area is recessed from the area where you walk in, and am going to leave a note that says "Don't come any further, dead body, call the coroner. I'm sorry, I promise not to haunt the hotel." or something like that. I may even lie under the covers and put the sheet over my head so they don't see my ghostly complexion.

 

[knowheretorun]

Hey there, didn't go through with it. It made me feel wildly uncomfortable doing it in a public place and that's all the reasoning. I've got to think of better locations and plan out my schedule so I don't get bothered with calls of any sort. I'll rest easy soon, just not now.

 

[knowheretorun]

When people say they'll jump in front of a train, do they really mean that ? I always thought it meant laying your neck over the tracks.

I reread it 4 times now and I still do not know.

To answer both questions:
yeah, jumping in front of the tracks will just throw you away injured, so I would lay my neck over the tracks. But I'm not simply going to sit there since I could be noticed, I'll sit down when the train approaches.
About the psychiatrist part - since I live with my family, my father could just simply throw away my Zoloft or whatever prescription I get because he thinks it has more negative effects than positive (he is partially right, but it's still help and depends on the person). He used to take away some of my mother's meds when they just got married as well.

 

[outrider567]

So, I've considered a lot of CTB methods over time, but ultimately they're all either too complicated or too expensive. I'm jumping on the tracks because I'm desparate to end it, this has been going on for too long. Most likely, it will be painful. It will definitely traumatize the driver. But I don't have much else. I'm in a pretty clear state of mind, pro-choice and I've tried reaching out for help, plenty of times. Psychologist didn't help, I can't reach out to a psychiatrist because of family and spending time with friends isn't taking medication, even if it's enjoyable.
Lights out. If I wuss out, I'll write back, but this is probably a final decision.

Better be careful---A guy in NYC tried to commit suicide by jumping on the tracks--But what happened was he didn't die but his legs were cut off by the train(don't feel sorry for him,he had just murdered his wife earlier)