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Apr 7, 2018
One of the reasons I want to die is primarily how I find society too restrictive. People say we have so much control of our destiny but I don't know about that. Especially when it comes to drugs. I find it ridiculous that I pay €60 to go to a G.P only for the fucker to deny me benzos when they've helped me in the past.

I just envy seeing people on forums like Bluelight who constantly get all these drugs from psychiatrists and physicians. As well as that, I would wager a bet and say most of them don't have parents that are completely anti-drug.

I am not implying at all that those people have a good life just because they can get drugs (I know a lot of drug users have been seriously suicidal) but honestly nothing beats having the choice to take what drug you want when you're feeliing shitty, sure it might just be a 'crutch' but it's better than f*cking nothing.

I had an especially bad experience with my father when travelling to New York over Christmas. Despite being 19, I couldn't get any alcohol or antihistamines (even though he said he'd buy them to help me sleep before we boarded) and as a result, I took some left over Abilify (anti-psychotic) which I thought would work. Bad idea, I've never felt so lethargic but unable to sleep and restless in my legs. So much for the 'benefits' of being sober when you're suffering

The only thing that's motivating me to get a job is to get drugs (legal pharmaceuticals and recreational ones). I don't know why my parents can't understand that I just don't think life without drugs is worth living.
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^best order at Micky-D's ever
Apr 27, 2018
I just don't think life without drugs is worth living.
I gotta say that I agree. Going through life sober is excruciating. I wish I had access to something stronger than alcohol. It doesn't even need to make me feel good, just knock me out on demand. I don't have Ambien anymore, just some shitty psych substitutes that require supplementation with alcohol. In the good old days, I could sleep up to 20 hours a day. Those were the days. Instant death without the commitment - death as an FWB booty call on speed dial.
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Life sucks

Apr 18, 2018
Life and society is all about restrictions. You are born and forced to follow countless rules without questioning. And you don't choose to be in this life anyway.

I don't think this is an usual one. I think many people have things they need or want but society prevents them. Life sucks specially with those shitty humans who try to control us like if we are some programs.