Is there something I should hate myself of which I am not aware of?

[noname223]

I asked myself this question a couple of times. Like the STEM professor that disliked my behavior so much, and He only pitied me. He was so smart that He could See something, which I could not See. At the same time that is totally a paranoid thought. People could See through you, notice the truth about you.

I had my self-help group today. And they said they would never gossip about each other. Tbh it sounded like they gossip about me behind my back. All 3 are closer and only me I am not meeting them outside the group.

I wonder what they are annoyed of. There are many behaviors of mine where hate is deserved. I have the feeling I have to hate myself for it before other people can do.

My crush was not at the meeting.

I feel nauseous when I think about their gossip behind my back. Maybe it is paranoid. I even took a benzo not to get paranoid.

Maybe they gossip because I am interested in almost all women in this group thus far. But do they really notice that? I think even the women I Was interested in did not notice that.

 

[qw3rty259]

I would stop ruminating about that. That feeling is very familiar to me. Try to realize that you'd never know for sure, even if you asked them directly. The question "did they tell you the truth?" will haunt you no matter what. In short, it's really unproductive and can make you waste a lot of time, and even go crazy... You can't be liked by everyone anyway, so just be yourself, as long as you don't harm others. You know, they say, gossip is part of human nature... it was - and still is- a part of our survival, sadly. I'm really annoyed by this behavior too, but someone is inevitably talking about you behind your back...