Help Is there anyway to make this easier

[LostAllHope7651]

Suffocating in my own thought here

 

[Whitewash11235814]

I want death just as much as you do.

 

[Anon2662]

Know how you feel!

 

[LostAllHope7651]

rope and Xanax... so tempted to give it a try just for an escape of these thoughts

 

[Anon2662]

rope and Xanax... so tempted to give it a try just for an escape of these thoughts

You don't want to do that on an impulse! (I feel like a hypocrite for saying that as I often nearly do!) Maybe venting about your thoughts will help? You're always welcome to PM me if you don't want your story 'out there'. Either way, I hope it starts to get easier for you soon :)

 

[LostAllHope7651]

You don't want to do that on an impulse! (I feel like a hypocrite for saying that as I often nearly do!) Maybe venting about your thoughts will help? You're always welcome to PM me if you don't want your story 'out there'. Either way, I hope it starts to get easier for you soon :)

It wouldn't be impulse it would be a long time coming, getting up lately and only thinking about one thing, spending all day in on my own with the thoughts, no one really cares, everyone would be ok without me and I'm sure no one would miss me either

 

[Anon2662]

@LostAllHope7651 my bad. The way you said so tempted to give it a try made me think maybe you were feeling impulsive that's all. I didn't mean any offence :) I have also been planning for some time now but am fighting the urge to just do it impulsively because I want everything sorted for when I do go.
I know how you feel about waking up with it on your mind straight away. It's horrible isn't it :( I don't know your circumstances, but people definitely care. There are plenty of people on this forum alone who care. :)

 

[bigtasty]

I feel you, I try and escape my own thoughts but no matter what I do they never go.
There's only one way for them to end.

 

[Deathbydemo]

I know exactly how you feel. I am so lost in my own thoughts right now that I can't think straight. Do you want to talk about what's on your mind?

 

[LostAllHope7651]

It's just so hard, hard to pretend u don't have these thought hard to have these thought and not act on them.... life is just so hard and happiness seems to be even harder to find, it's a sad life we live in and been sad all the time is tiring it really is

 

[MysticPerception]

The only thing that ever helped me escape my thoughts was thinking of my happy place. But unfortunately for me it's a bit of a catch 22 as my happy place is an afterlife that may or may not exist so sometimes it just reinforced my urge to die and didn't get rid of the thoughts at all.

 

[LostAllHope7651]

when the future looks so bleak all the time it's hard to think of a happy place , cos a past happy place is only a reminder of what u no longer have if that makes sense x

 

[Anon2662]

when the future looks so bleak all the time it's hard to think of a happy place , cos a past happy place is only a reminder of what u no longer have if that makes sense x

This. Agree 100%. I struggle to think of a time where I was truly happy where i wasn't in the back of my mind battling an invisible battle.

 

[nerve]

I hate that you're going through this. "Suffocating" is a word I use a lot to describe it too.

One of the more unfair things about being suicidal imo is that even if you spend years weighing the pros and cons and making arrangements, the final act itself of ending your life can still be an impulsive one.

A lot of times I look at all the pills on my nightstand and think "you know, if I just swallowed all of these id probably die." But it's just out of my control. There's no way to tell if I'll die, wake up in the ER getting my stomach pumped and have to rely on a feeding tube from fucking up my insides, end up in a psych hospital where I'm more likely to have human rights infringed on, or if I'll just take a nap and throw up a few times.

Anything could happen and so little of it's in our control with a lot of these methods. I obviously can't tell you what to do, but if you can hold on long enough to get through this hurdle, you'd have time to figure things out. Like anything. Even if it's just a better way to ctb. I absolutely detest the thought of people who've suffered enough to ctb dying in more pain than they have to.

 

[LostAllHope7651]

It's a shame this group doesn't do meet ups ... I think that's what a lot of people need to get out and talk more I think it would half the problems

I hate that you're going through this. "Suffocating" is a word I use a lot to describe it too.

One of the more unfair things about being suicidal imo is that even if you spend years weighing the pros and cons and making arrangements, the final act itself of ending your life can still be an impulsive one.

A lot of times I look at all the pills on my nightstand and think "you know, if I just swallowed all of these id probably die." But it's just out of my control. There's no way to tell if I'll die, wake up in the ER getting my stomach pumped and have to rely on a feeding tube from fucking up my insides, end up in a psych hospital where I'm more likely to have human rights infringed on, or if I'll just take a nap and throw up a few times.

Anything could happen and so little of it's in our control with a lot of these methods. I obviously can't tell you what to do, but if you can hold on long enough to get through this hurdle, you'd have time to figure things out. Like anything. Even if it's just a better way to ctb. I absolutely detest the thought of people who've suffered enough to ctb dying in more pain than they have to.

So true, if we had a plan that we knew 100% would work then I don't think half of us would be here, just a switch off button or an injection that made you sleep forever. No one truly understands out of this site, so we spend our life's on the edge been surrounded by people who have no idea...
same as me I've had these for a while but the uncertainty of it makes me doubt it but if I knew it would work I would have used them long ago...
Am guessing from my read ups Xanax will make u go to sleep and with a rope around your neck I'm hoping that would just tip if off all with a bottle of gin, but like u say I don't know if it will work and the thought of waking up stuck on a mental ward with people who have no idea , or people saying your selfish as I've had before.. or even the judgement u get puts me off... but if I knew theyd work I would have done it ages ago when I bought them

 

[AlreadyGone]

when the future looks so bleak all the time it's hard to think of a happy place , cos a past happy place is only a reminder of what u no longer have if that makes sense x

This rings true with me as well. Hopelessness makes it very difficult to be happy.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

This is what helps me, and it might help you too. I try not to think of the future because, it's overwhelming when you're suffering. Every time I start to think about the future, I mentally have to make an effort to stop. Focusing on the past is can be equally as bad because like you said, it can be a reminder of what you no longer have. I have to force myself not to do that either. Instead, I live moment by moment. I try to think of something I can do that will make me feel better like going for a walk or searching the internet. I don't think about what it will be like after that. I just try to live in the moment.