Discussion Is there anything that would stop you ctb

[ashwin]

I have to win a lottery if i wants to stay alive.. lost everything and nothing more to expect also.

 

[Deathbydemo]

I don't think there's anything that would make me want to live at this point. I could say a million things that are all impossible to achieve and even at that, I'm not sure it would really be enough to make me stay.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

My wife's death. Maybe.

 

[highlyvolatile]

But if you do that. Is it possible to make even worse choices?

Yes, but honestly id be willing to go back in time to fix my mistakes. Ask for forgiveness. Try to be a better person. Hug my mom a little more. I don't think its anything that would completely stop it but id feel so much better with ctb if i could make amends with everyone ive hurt.

With who I am? No. If I was in some alternate reality and I happened to be someone who had aspirations, motivation and belief in myself then maybe. Maybe I would have a reason to keep going. I have never had any real goals/passions or knew what I wanted to do with my life hence why I am stuck. I do not see any future for myself and truly I cannot fit into the way this world works. It all just mystifies me. I just want to be gone from here.

This. All of this also...

 

[Deleted member 1496]

Someone to go through life with instead of having only myself to rely on and being able to interact with them at a slower pace.

The areas in life that require finance, technology, or medical knowledge, I can usually figure out good enough. But socially, I don't know how people figure any part of that: how to connect with people, how to play, how to have sex without flashbacks, how to express via art. "Fake it 'til you make it" or "Practice, Practice, Practice!" doesn't seem to work for me. after awhile, travel or shows or whatever is no fun, and everything in life becomes a lonely, purposeless, never-ending struggle. I feel like some Smiths. :)

 

[OneBigBlur]

-Having my basic needs met for the rest of my life: food, shelter, clothing, etc. I wouldn't mind winning the lotto of course but those things would be good enough.
-Cure for my Fibro, cure for my trauma symptoms.
-Spending my life with someone I love.

 

[Cave Johnson]

The laws that govern reality bending and folding to make me wake up female and without a constant migraine. I could deal with all the rest of this bullshit without the constant pain and self-loathing.

 

[justfloating]

So I'm just curious if there is anything that could change in your life that would make you want to live?

The person I love loving me again, I can't live feeling the pain of living without him. Its actually whats stopping me from CTB now, its a wait and see game and what he does next will unknowingly decide my fate

 

[Lunaloveflood]

Being able to work in a field that I like Like music or something But I'm not sure it would solve everything it's more like a dream

 

[Rome Horseman]

What would help me is SSI so I can go to therapy.. I think I can restart myself if I had the money.. I dont know

 

[hunthunt]

maybe have 10.000 dollars to pay scolarship and have a little business.

 

[sadgirl2002]

I know it seems silly but, the person I love deciding to give me a chance.

I hope the person you love gives you a chance, I'm in the same situation myself. I also hope you get all the other things you'd love to have.

 

[elacnt]

I hope the person you love gives you a chance, I'm in the same situation myself. I also hope you get all the other things you'd love to have.

Thank you! But he already told me he won't ever give me a chance. Which destroys me every single day and makes me so confused and I don't understand, because he's my best friend, we went through so much shit together. We have everything to work out and be together but he simply doesn't want to and it's killing me.
And everyday that passes I feel and I know it's more and more impossible to have the things that could make my life less unbearable.

But I hope it works out for you, I really do

 

[AlreadyGone]

Thank you! But he already told me he won't ever give me a chance. Which destroys me every single day and makes me so confused and I don't understand, because he's my best friend, we went through so much shit together. We have everything to work out and be together but he simply doesn't want to and it's killing me.
And everyday that passes I feel and I know it's more and more impossible to have the things that could make my life less unbearable.

But I hope it works out for you, I really do

This actually breaks my heart because I know the exact feeling. I was told the same thing from someone several months ago. It will be even worst he gets with someone else and you have to deal with that.

 

[sadgirl2002]

Thank you! But he already told me he won't ever give me a chance. Which destroys me every single day and makes me so confused and I don't understand, because he's my best friend, we went through so much shit together. We have everything to work out and be together but he simply doesn't want to and it's killing me.
And everyday that passes I feel and I know it's more and more impossible to have the things that could make my life less unbearable.

But I hope it works out for you, I really do

You're welcome, I'm not sure why he won't give you a chance but I truly hope you can both work things out somehow and one day, he'll decide to be with you. Both of you being best friends and going through a lot together gives more reasons why you should be together. I still hope he'll come for you one day and thank you so much for that

 

[elacnt]

This actually breaks my heart because I know the exact feeling. I was told the same thing from someone several months ago. It will be even worst he gets with someone else and you have to deal with that.

Oh yeah! He's already with someone else and I'm forced to see him being happy with her. They aren't dating officially (it's more of an open relationship and that's why we stay together and sleep together from time to time), but they're going steady for almost a year now. I can't understand why she's better than me, why she deserves more than me. This is destroying me so much, I can't deal with the pain anymore. I was always by his side, I did everything for him, I was his confident, his friend... I know I shouldn't expect someone to be with me just because I was nice to them. But we have EVERYTHING a relationship has, minus his will to give me a chance.
And it infuriates me that they haven't been through nothing together, differently then us both. I simply can't understand why I'm not good enough and I'm tired of not being good enough for nobody. I feel like I don't deserve love, I don't deserve no ones time or attention. It's all too much for me

You're welcome, I'm not sure why he won't give you a chance but I truly hope you can both work things out somehow and one day, he'll decide to be with you. Both of you being best friends and going through a lot together gives more reasons why you should be together. I still hope he'll come for you one day and thank you so much for that

Unfortunately I don't think we can work things out. Everything is getting worse each day. I just want to end it all already so I don't feel any pain anymore

 

[S1mpleme]

Yes, is there anyone who gives a damn?

 

[sadgirl2002]

Oh yeah! He's already with someone else and I'm forced to see him being happy with her. They aren't dating officially (it's more of an open relationship and that's why we stay together and sleep together from time to time), but they're going steady for almost a year now. I can't understand why she's better than me, why she deserves more than me. This is destroying me so much, I can't deal with the pain anymore. I was always by his side, I did everything for him, I was his confident, his friend... they haven't been through nothing together, differently then us both. I simply can't understand why I'm not good enough and I'm tired of not being good enough for nobody. I feel like I don't deserve love, I don't deserve no ones time or attention. It's all too much for me


Unfortunately I don't think we can work things out. Everything is getting worse each day. I just want to end it all already so I don't feel any pain anymore

That's awful, I'm sorry you're in this situation. I'm angry... so angry that he's with someone else when you're the one who's been by his side. I wish he accepted you and stays with you instead of that other bitch who doesn't deserve him. I'm sorry... I don't even know you, him or this other person he's with and yet, I feel this anger. I know what it feels like to have someone choose another person over me even though I've been with them through everything. My honest opinion... that so-called relationship he has with this other person won't last. One day he will realise that he should've worked it out with you... even though it may be too late.

 

[elacnt]

That's awful, I'm sorry you're in this situation. I'm angry... so angry that he's with someone else when you're the one who's been by his side. I wish he accepted you and stays with you instead of that other bitch who doesn't deserve him. I'm sorry... I don't even know you, him or this other person he's with and yet, I feel this anger. I know what it feels like to have someone choose another person over me even though I've been with them through everything. My honest opinion... that so-called relationship he has with this other person won't last. One day he will realise that he should've worked it out with you... even though it may be too late.

If you knew the whole story, if you knew everything we went through together, everything that happened between us, you'd be even more angry for him not being with me. I taught him so many things, we learned so many things together, we grew as person so much together... You'd be as infuriated as I am, every single day for being forced to endure this. You have no ideia what I have to stand. He won't ever realize he should be with me because it seems I'm simply not good enough for him, even after everything... I guess I'm good enough for him to sleep with, as a past time, as someone who'll be by his side always and for every shit, but I'm not good enough to be taken seriously, apparently.

And then this girl comes, and he decides that she's more deserving of his love and attention.

I asked him if he was afraid to wake up one day and see that I wasn't here anymore and he said yes. Then I asked if he was afraid that he'd regret missing the opportunity of giving me a chance after I'm gone, and he said no.
I really don't know what to do anymore, because he's such an asshole but he's been always ALWAYS by my side in every bad situation I've been thought since I've met him, he has helped so so much! I can't stay and I can't get away. This is killing me. He's one of the things that are destroying my life currently

 

[sadgirl2002]

If you knew the whole story, if you knew everything we went through together, everything that happened between us, you'd be even more angry for him not being with me. I taught him so many things, we learned so many things together, we grew as person so much together... You'd be as infuriated as I am, every single day for being forced to endure this. You have no ideia what I have to stand. He won't ever realize he should be with me because it seems I'm simply not good enough for him, even after everything... I guess I'm good enough for him to sleep with, as a past time, as someone who'll be by his side always and for every shit, but I'm not good enough to be taken seriously, apparently.

And then this girl comes, and he decides that she's more deserving of his love and attention.

I asked him if he was afraid to wake up one day and see that I wasn't here anymore and he said yes. Then I asked if he was afraid that he'd regret missing the opportunity of giving me a chance after I'm gone, and he said no.
I really don't know what to do anymore, because he's such an asshole but he's been always ALWAYS by my side in every bad situation I've been thought since I've met him, he has helped so so much! I can't stay and I can't get away. This is killing me. He's one of the things that are destroying my life currently

I know I definitely would feel more angry if I knew the whole story. It's better if I don't know, my anhger tends to get really strong. I just hate it when genuine loyal, kind and good people get treated like this. He's a fucking idiot if he thinks you're not good enough for him, what does she have that you don't?! You're much better and more worthy than this other girl is, I'm sorry for my harsh language. I hope he's not using you like that... ugh, I really hate whoever this girl is. She won't stand by his side like you did and honestly, he deserves someone like that for how much he's hurting you like this. It's always the good ones who are going through this. I'm far from good now but I was and my so-called best friend and sister of 8 years ruined my life to choose some guy over me. In no way am I comparing both our situations but I know what it feels like. Oh my god, what a terrible thing for him to say! Honestly, I simply cannot understand it. He wants you to be here but he doesn't want to give you a chance. I know what you mean, it's hard to leave someone you've shared so much with, I don't know how I did it but it took a lot to push me to the edge of leaving her. Man... I wish things could get better for you.

 

[elacnt]

I know I definitely would feel more angry if I knew the whole story. It's better if I don't know, my anhger tends to get really strong. I just hate it when genuine loyal, kind and good people get treated like this. He's a fucking idiot if he thinks you're not good enough for him, what does she have that you don't?! You're much better and more worthy than this other girl is, I'm sorry for my harsh language. I hope he's not using you like that... ugh, I really hate whoever this girl is. She won't stand by his side like you did and honestly, he deserves someone like that for how much he's hurting you like this. It's always the good ones who are going through this. I'm far from good now but I was and my so-called best friend and sister of 8 years ruined my life to choose some guy over me. In no way am I comparing both our situations but I know what it feels like. Oh my god, what a terrible thing for him to say! Honestly, I simply cannot understand it. He wants you to be here but he doesn't want to give you a chance. I know what you mean, it's hard to leave someone you've shared so much with, I don't know how I did it but it took a lot to push me to the edge of leaving her. Man... I wish things could get better for you.

That's ok, I feel the same most of the time. I feel so angry and I won't ever understand.
But by this point I can only wish that things get better for you.
As for me, I know they won't. I know things won't change as they never did, it doesn't matter what I do. That's why I know it's all over, because I can't fight anymore. I can't keep fighting knowing nothing will ever be different.
And thank you for feeling my pain, that means a lot.

 

[the_inbetween]

have housing needs met with ease, enough money to isolate myself indefintely, proper antidepressant, use some of the surplus money for tutor to bring me up to speed to where I left off in high school mathematics, enroll in college for mathematics, and solve problems for a living, paul erdos' life sounded mighty nice so something like that. If I could have that THEN I would start therapy.

 

[JohnUK]

Rewind 11 years and let me have success at university in the south coast England. I failed completely at the uni course I did back then after successfully doing courses near where I live

 

[sadgirl2002]

That's ok, I feel the same most of the time. I feel so angry and I won't ever understand.
But by this point I can only wish that things get better for you.
As for me, I know they won't. I know things won't change as they never did, it doesn't matter what I do. That's why I know it's all over, because I can't fight anymore. I can't keep fighting knowing nothing will ever be different.
And thank you for feeling my pain, that means a lot.

It's such a horrible situation and thank you so much. I know that deep in my heart, I will keep hoping your situation will change and he'll accept you, it's the least I can do... even though you're feeling despair. You're welcome and just know that I will always keep wishing that for you, no matter where I am.

 

[Dante71]

The person I love loving me again, I can't live feeling the pain of living without him. Its actually whats stopping me from CTB now, its a wait and see game and what he does next will unknowingly decide my fate

This seems to be my fate, i have to leave the only home i have ever had and my children, i have a month

 

[HelensNepenthe]

Sometime around January last year is when I met A* and she honestly made me feel like new again. I had never dated online or even thought of doing that before, yet she was something that I was willing to go that mile for. Our relationship was great, I had decided to grab a ticket to come visit her on Thanksgiving with her family. We talked about it for months, I secured the ticket, and then she suddenly messaged me one day apologizing profusely how she's been feeling out of touch in the relationship. Yet she talked me into buying that plane ticket, seeing her siblings, how much her family wanted to see how good of a guy I was... all of those emotions that you would want to hear from your significant other. This was a month before Thanksgiving. I had already secured a non-refundable ticket with D*A*. She knew that initially since she kept a screenshot of my flight number to track it when I came up north.

Turns out she met a coworker or something and made some excuse of how "she fell out of touch". I guess that was her way to circumvent cheating but sort of was cheating, I guess.

People who are on the autistic spectrum tend to find themselves in situations of abusive relationships. There's something that we are emotionally vulnerable of. I wish I could find someone who would appreciate me without abusing me. I'm very vulnerable.

It is what I would want... it would make me happy again... but it is really hard to find anyone who really genuinely cares. I am very sorry for the other autistic members on here who have encountered or faced similar struggles with relationships. Our innocence with emotions, and sometimes the inability to recognize the red flags in someone, yet you still genuinely care for them whilst they do not care for you.

 

[Backwoodsqueer]

Being able to live my life without pain. Finding someone who wanted to spend their life by my side. Not constantly worrying about how I'm going to afford to feed and house myself for the next month.

Is living comfortably really too much to ask for?

 

[Heart of Ice]

Lots of money and a house that is located near a grocery store and a library.

 

[depressoandstresso]

Not having to go to school anymore would take care of most of my stress tbh. But other than that, either winning the lottery (aka getting a fuck ton of money, less to worry about + no work) or having a well-paying job which I actually enjoy (fat chance, I don't even know what I enjoy).

I think another thing would be being set on a concrete path, y'know? I don't know what I want to do, or what I'll end up doing, but if I knew what I was destined to do I feel like it would be easier to live, knowing you're on the right path.

Hope everyone's doing okay, have a cat.

 

[Deldoesordoesnt]

This seems to be my fate, i have to leave the only home i have ever had and my children, i have a month

Don't mean to pry, but why do you have to leave the only home you've had and your children?