I've always struggled with social anxiety, I was an outgoing person as a child despite having some minor social anxiety but I was just never capable of starting a friendship let alone maintaining one to my best ability... I tried a lot but later I just lost hope, like everything in life.
I even developed selective mutism at some point in my life, which arguably made it harder to befriend someone by tenfold… And quite frankly, I don't mind it that much and I do believe I am perfectly fine as a solitary person but that's maybe my mind playing tricks on me because according to psychology, humans need companionship..
I think it's possible that your mind isn't playing tricks on you and that you may actually simply like, or not hate, being alone which is valid. The "humans need companionship" statement is based off the general trend and not every single human that exists. Some people genuinely do like or prefer being completely solitary which most people can't understand as, once again, the majority do prefer companionship and they assume that everybody is identical, or not too different to them, because.. I honestly don't even know why.
And I don't think someone who runs away from social interactions as soon as possible would be someone fit for socialization…
I don't even get into social interactions in the first place though I'd run away if I ever did get into one. I have no idea how I'm still alive.
You're not alone; I've lived for over two decades now without making a friend or acquaintance. Surely, being a hermit with overly-niche interests hasn't helped.
About a year or two ago, I actually began seeking out online friendships, but it was a waste of time.
It doesn't make me suicidal since I don't even like talking much, and having a friend would be a commitment, I imagine. I prefer being in my mind and zoning out, only talking when a family member asks a question or when I have to step outside my room for once and reluctantly initiate a half-assed conversation, so as not to make my parents think I'm socially maladapted.
I see. I feel like I would also prefer being alone had I actually had a friend as, like you said, it would be a commitment but, for now, I wish I had one. Also, I'm not suicidal by that too as ignorance is bliss and I don't know anything about friendships other than that it makes people have fun at school or university and that friendships are beneficial as you have people to rely on for various things in life. But damn did I wish to find somebody who I could relate to as to say that it's completely painless for me is just a lie
I often see self-identified loners maintaining robust online lives and I just don't get how they do it.
Me neither
Regarding your quest to find folks who can relate, you won't find many online. There're few individuals like you and me who openly share or complain about it; it's just a fact of life. My online presence is almost nonexistent, and you would never find me recording a video for YouTube because my level of inhibition is high.
I see. That makes sense actually. Those with the unique stories like these are unlikely to document it anywhere. Not to mention at how there's most likely some selection bias going on here. Those who never made a friend in their life are either dead due to the pain it gives them or they're enjoying life as they like being alone and got no need to be online and share that or they're simply too asocial to be online in the first place. All of which are valid.
As for my quest to find somebody to relate to, I'd say that my quest has now ended. Thank you
