Lucifer'sRight
Experienced
- Feb 4, 2020
- 256
just wondering how does it feel, does it make the decision more difficult and is your option range wider... ?
I am not rich. If I was tho I don't think anything will change. Money can't fix genes.just wondering how does it feel, does it make the decision more difficult and is your option range wider... ?
Agreed, like money can buy you things to mask ypur mental illness with, or an actual break from life...Not rich either but if I was, I wouldn't want to ctb as much. It would mean I'd be able to get out of the situation I'm stuck in, pay off crippling debt, start over and if I did chose to ctb I'd have more options available to me like N. Money doesn't buy happiness but it can be a huge help.
SO TRUE. i bet if you have over a million in european/american currency you can coerce someone to help you die easily and as you said, with dignity.Advantage of being rich is, except for health you can still chose to live with dignity. Plus, money can even buy you peaceful death.
SO TRUE. i bet if you have over a million in european/american currency you can coerce someone to help you die easily and as you said, with dignity.
Or if you know a vet...that almost sounds like a plan..If you have lot's of money and influence you meet people with connections so easy to acquire a bottle of N as they probably know a few dodgy people who don't mind robbing a vets.
I'm not "rich" exactly, but i live in Brazil, where most people live in misery, and i live in a nice house, with both of my loving parents, and my sister.
I go to med school (the most expensive course mostly) in the most expensive college in my town, why? Because it's the only one where i've passed the entrance exams, due to a lot of people passing but quitting due to not being able to pay, or because they've passed in another place, cheaper probably.
So i'm what a lot of people would consider "rich", in more ways than one as well.
Tbh, my suicide ideation, in parts, is due to this, like, my parents CAN pay my college, which i guess makes me rich, but they somewhat struggle to do so.
I'm not "rich" in the sense that i can pay for anything, no matter how expensive, with ease, if that were the case i'd still be fucked, but more at peace than i am now.
An example of how it's hard for them to pay is my sister, which helps them pay for my college, telling me that if i ever killed myself, they would "revive just so they can kill me themselves".
Also, they've been very clear when i mentioned dropping out, "It's not gonna happen, we've spent too much money already", i'm fucking trapped.
And even if i dropped out it wouldn't help much, it's not like i have any direction in life at all, i'd have nowhere to go anyway.
So when i look at myself, in the 3rd year of college, having learned nothing in the first 2 years, being worse than everyone in my class, and not being able to help a single patient in any way, failing miserably in exams and setting myself up for being a dropout, due to various reasons, but mostly me not having any dispostion for any of this, especially for dedicating myself in studying all of this stuff i don't care about 24/7, cuz i'm a lazy spoiled whiny bastard, i feel guilt in a way i can't even describe.
It's even worse when i look at many people here, that are in a terrible financial situation, and i see how it screws them over, i can't help but think that i don't have the right to be depressed, i literally have no problems, at least compared to most people alive in the world. I'm such a spoiled cunt...
Firstly I like your parents sense of humour if you kill yourself they will revive you, so they can kill you, haha secondly why not think about changing your outlook don't be lazy study hard and get a good job in the hospital pay them back and then later if you want to ctb you know where all the good drugs are,
I nèver understand why these rich people dont just apply to dignitas they can obviously afford it .why take risks when there money can buy them surety .I find it really interesting when multi millionaires or billionaire ctb look at Kate Spade but mental illness is a killer, you always think they have it all, but sadly looks can be deceiving Google billionaire commits suicide you will come a cross a few stories.
That joke wasn't made by my parents, it was by my sister during a somewhat serious conversation that we had, and even if it was a joke, i could tell (due to her tone, and me knowing her well) that she meant it.
Now, would my parents hate me the same way she would? I don't know, but as loving as they are, we've had problems before.
They're muslim, and i gave up on the religion years ago, today they're kind of used to it (tho, sometimes it's clear they still hold a bit of a grudge about it), but when they first found out, the atmosphere at home was garbage for the longest time.
This situation i'm in right now is much worse, since it involves quite a bit of money to say the least, so while i like them, and they like me, i can't say that i trust them 100% when it comes to not treating me like garbage if i dropout, since they've already betrayed my trust before.
Now, about your advice, my friend, i wish it was as simple as "changing my outlook, not being lazy, studying hard, getting a job, etc", but i can tell you that, as much as i hate myself, and can't help but think i'm just looking for excuses for being a piece of shit, it's much easier said than done.
If it were simple, i would have done all of this already.
But it isn't, i could write many paragraphs about why that's the case, and why i'm so fucked in the head, but i don't even have much energy to do that at the moment.
just wondering how does it feel, does it make the decision more difficult and is your option range wider... ?
I agreeNot rich either but if I was, I wouldn't want to ctb as much. It would mean I'd be able to get out of the situation I'm stuck in, pay off crippling debt, start over and if I did chose to ctb I'd have more options available to me like N. Money doesn't buy happiness but it can be a huge help.
Yes I'm with you on that I have no energy to do anything I'm sorry your situation sounds bad, was it your choice to study or your families all I can suggest if you are going to drop out is to have an action plan the trouble unskilled workers are low paid unless you have an excellent business idea so your parents and sister will be disappointed and you are in for a hell of a ride.
You situation isn't unique every Country in the World there are parents who persuade (force) there children the best thing is to follow in there footsteps as a career unfortunately I met a young American guy on here we became good friends he told me his mum was a lawyer and very stern paid for him to attend college and university to become a lawyer but he dropped out and moved to the UK, he liked London but hated his work he said it was unskilled and low paid was treated like crap and well you can guess what he chose in the end.
So my friend I hope you have a excellent action plan to get your sister and parents of your back.
Sorry I couldn't be more help, I wish you all the best.
Cheers
Geo