a.n.kirillov
velle non discitur
- Nov 17, 2019
- 1,831
-
Hey Guest,
We wanted to share a quick update with the community.
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Finis Autem Spero
- Dec 30, 2019
- 260
Plenty of LGBT folks apparently.
+1 for bi
I learned to hide my powerlevel at an early age thanks to a homophobic mother (who beat me for experimenting with a boy but was all smiles when it was a girl) so I'm not really open about it but I won't deny it if it comes up and it amuses me to subtly allude to it with people who don't know.Last edited:
Do you have any possibility to escape your homophobic environment?
As for unrequited love, I've been there so many times, but trust me, over time it does get better... You just need to give that wound some time to heal. Distance helps enormously. Don't keep opening your emotional wounds over and over again. Sending you a big virtual hug
Me! I feel disgusting it made me suicidal I was bullied terribly being bisexual this is the main reason of my fucking depression!
BPD Barbie
Visionary
- Dec 1, 2019
- 2,359
I see myself as bisexual, I've had relationships with men and women. Never had any problems with it though.
Scooby-Doo
Student
- Oct 10, 2019
- 133
I'm lesbian and it's absolutely ruined my life.
PoisonedJuliet
You saucy boy!
- Feb 12, 2020
- 1,191
Perfectly PANtastic! (Sorry that's a terrible pun)
Merith
Member
- Oct 24, 2019
- 97
No one really has an issue with me being gay, which is surprising. The only issue is not being able to relate to people/guys in regards to interpersonal relationships, or when they automatically assume I have / am looking for a girlfriend.
The worst is dealing with old people who ask questions like that, since they may not be used to the concept of guys being with guys.
Sabriel
for in that sleep of death what dreams may come
- Jul 23, 2019
- 209
The most accurate description would probably be bi, with more heterosexual leanings. But I feel like I've been persecuted for it my whooole life, as being some terrible "lesbo dyke" (oh highschool, what fond memories), told that being bi basically means that you're promiscuous, that I'm not gay enough, not straight enough, that I'm twice as likely to cheat in a relationship, that I'm just experimenting for fun, that I need to broaden my horizons, etc etc etc. I'm actually comfortable with my sexuality, it's others who've always seemed to have a problem with it as being too vague or something. It seems so natural to me to find both genders attractive, but healthy relationships in general are difficult for me to find/actually maintain. Due to past traumas I've begun to harbor more distrust for men, so my attraction varies. Or is just nonexistent at times.
Sometimes I wish I lived in a society that was androgynous or completely without gender.
Lethe
Fey
- Sep 19, 2019
- 670
Surprised I haven't posted here already. I'm mtf trans, yes. In the closet probably forever, eh, but I don't really care. I'm on hrt, currently getting laser/electrolysis, and will probably be getting ffs next year or so, which is more than I ever thought I would be able to accomplish. So I try not to complain.
Backwoodsqueer
Member
- May 27, 2019
- 57
Friendly neighborhood trans guy, checking in! I'm also gay.
None of that relates to my reasons for ctb, though. My gender identity and sexual orientation are the least of my problems, honestly.
The Warm Industry
It's still raining, up here
- Jan 26, 2020
- 52
I'm gay.
And it does play a part in my ctb on the topic - Loneliness. Where I live, it's very hard to find someone who doesn't want you just for sex, and male friends tend to avoid me if they find out I'm attracted to males, something about fear of turning gay or something.
EDIT: wow, everytime I say "I'm gay" it feels like I'm taking a thousand pounds from my back. i love that feeling.Last edited:
Brink
Exhausted. RadHomo.
- Feb 11, 2020
- 625
I'm in a gay marriage! I internalised homophobia growing up and struggled with gender performance most of my life.
Emergency Exit
Member
- Mar 5, 2020
- 5
marcusuk63
CTB
- Mar 24, 2019
- 1,735
I relate to you so much, no guy wants to befriend a gay guy, they auto assume I want to fuck, didn't happen to me but I just hear everyone else say that, so I am in the closet, forever...
lucid
antinatalist specialist
- Jun 29, 2019
- 177
I'm trans MtF. It feels like a nightmare having to wake up in a male body, with male features and male everything. I absolutely hate it. I don't want to go for HRT for a few reasons, mainly being that I might go back on my decision. Asides from that, the area I live in probably isn't the best place to "express" myself physically, so I'm stuck inside until the day I can have the confidence to try and look past it.
I'm also a little bi, though that doesn't seem to be much of an issue in any way which I'm glad.
d34d3nd
New Member
- Mar 25, 2020
- 1
yeah. i'm a trans guy and also bi (mostly homosexual so i prefer identifying as gay). the fact that I belong to the g and the t is constantly torturing me.
being trans is probably the first and the main reason of my depression. i truly hate being in the body i am right now and realizing i'm not able to change anything soon, because i have to wait and i can't wait in the transphobic community where i belong. also i am kinda feminine and most of the time i'm fine with it but sometimes it makes me doubt whether i am trans at all and because of this i want to cbt so much ahhaha.
and surprisingly i don't have any problems with being gay most of the time though i understand i will hardly ever find a partner as i am trans. so i feel really lonely as i don't have many supporting friends irl.
my love and support for every person related to the lgbt+ community here. you are super strong.
(also off topic: i am new here so i will be glad if someone chats me with me or/and explains me how to use the forum)
PoisonedJuliet
You saucy boy!
- Feb 12, 2020
- 1,191
Hi and welcome! I'm pan if you didn't see my response. Of course I'll welcome you to the forum. Once you get your PM abilities just click on my username and press start conversation. I'm always up for a chat
BPDbitch
Experienced
- Nov 10, 2019
- 248
I'm gay. I've been out for 30 years. The only reason I want to ctb is because of the heartbreak of my partner leaving me and the way he did it.
SuicideGrandEst
On LITHIUM,less suicidal,no rush.Telegram:@Lezlina
- Jun 17, 2023
- 32
I can't say I want to ctb because of homophobia or because of my homosexuality (female here, lesbian).
I have a mental disorder.
But I guess being a minority (and belonging to many of them simultaneously doesn't help). Yes it makes you feel not normal, excluded etc.
Still, the biggest problem I have with being a lesbian is the extreme small dating pool (not to mention that you end up dating your ex's ex).
But just in terms of opportunities there's nothing to compare. When you're a woman, almost every man wants something with you. Literally every single day you could have an opportunity (now, obviously, most of that attention is just for sex).
Still, most straight (or bi) women I know are married. Some for the second time. Some even for the third time.
Sometimes quite quickly. Not even one year after the relationship started; about 1 year and a half, 2 years.
Talk to me about a female homosexual being able to have multiple girlfriends like that in her teens (2, 3, 4), then marrying a woman at age 25, then another one at age 35. And then another one at age 50.
Well, I'm not trying to make it sound like it's desirable to just keep marrying and divorcing.
I'm just trying to make a parallel, so one can understand that the struggle is real: that is to find a woman who is into women. Who wants to date. Possibly for something serious, long-term. And then getting married.
Actually, I am also struggling with the fact that many people who were known (and described themselves) as lesbians end up transitioning i.e.: claim they are NBs (this one can still be ok maybe for a female homosexual) but sometimes it's just man's identity. So you have to refer to them as such, talk about them in society as such. This does have an impact on your sexual identity. You said you're a female lesbian. How can you come to terms that you're supposed to be in a relationship with a man, now?
The dissonance can even be greater if the medical transition is present and goes stronger. T shots, facial and body hair, lowering of voice, mastectomy and so on.
While I have no problems with transmen and could be friends with anyone (it's personality that matters), I do think it's problematic both for that person and for me if we do date.
Problematic for me: I explained why but problematic for them because: well, if you date a female who says she is into women, what does it tell about what she considers you as? Does she really see you as a man?
Well, so yes... I am talking about this because multiple lesbians I knew (they called themselves that and some continue... puzzling) just "became" NBs or transmen (I recall 5 just now and I was attracted to part of them prior to all that and for one of them, I almost dated them, distance was the problem). I recall one additional person, who's nothing less that my ex.
So yes, for me it does bring me some confusion. And I do acknowledge that I am worried to be in a relationship with someone who decides to transition. I sure will support them. Love is love <3
I'm just saying it makes me anxious because this messes with my sexual identity and my orientation.
I certainly do not want to discard the anxiety transpeople feel, I know it's super hard. I would support a friend no matter what. But sexuality is something very intimate and attraction is what it is. It's difficult to expect (I guess most?) lesbians to still be into it when it's a fully-blown man lying next to them.
So yes, for me the fluidity of sexual orientation, multiplicity and fluidity of gender is a source of discomfort and anxiety. I guess I have a more rigid mind and I need some certainties or at least stability. It's a source of anguish knowing something I put care, energy and commitment in can just be shattered just like and that it can happen in just any area to the same extent and probability. We do need some sense of stable self, we need those healthy expectations about the people we're supposed to know. That's supposed to make us feel secure.
It's a problem if you do not know if you're just going to lose your job like that (having no security), if the landlord can suddenly tell you to clear off (and you have no guarantee), if you're partner can just leave you like that without giving any signal.
I guess that's also the kind of things that make us ill. We always need a kind of safe haven. Now many got rid of God, so what is left.
Ok, so that was just my 2 cents. As I said, I do not intent to hurt anyone. Take this post for what it is: a single person's viewpoint, who is not claiming to have the ultimate truth. I wouldn't be here otherwise looking for methods and/or a partner to end it.
My life is a misery and maybe it's also because I do not think right. So there may be many errors of judgment in everything I laid down here. Maybe a certain amount of lack of open-mindedness is killing me. I don't know. But hopefully, the end is near.
Also, thanks for asking that very useful and helpful questions.
Yes we have higher rates of suicide. We should love on and care for one another.
Zulu
Member
- Aug 10, 2022
- 55
It's one of my top three reasons for wanting to end it. Trans and bi, though really it's the trans part that fuels the ideation. I've transitioned, but I still don't truly feel real. I've only lived about a year and a half as my true self, but I'm discovering that I'm largely stunted emotionally and mentally. What I mean by this is, I struggle expressing my gender identity in public, even if I pass now. If I try to, I literally have an impulsive urge to want to light myself on fire. When I look inwards, I see nothing but a void. I have extremely low self-worth and self-confidence, and it sometimes shows as a weakness in my work, and something I worry about being fired over. Regardless, it feels like I never had a childhood, teenagehood, or a young adulthood. No pictures of the real me. I'll never get to experience life milestones that almost everyone else has had. I'll never get to start a family of my own. I'll never get to be a parent. I'll never really be anything besides a workaholic machine.
It really hurts seeing everyone else around me being able to celebrate things I know I'll never get to touch. Not having childhood or family pictures at my work desk. Not being able to start a family while I see other coworkers my age becoming parents and celebrating with the office. Not having external friends and family to go to parties with or share life events with. Half of my own blood relatives actively wish for my death. I've been mentally and physically abused, received death threats, and shamed just for being trans, just for trying to be me, even by my own flesh and blood. My work is accepting, and while I have a life of my own now, I still feel so empty and alone. I don't feel like I'm living. Just going through the motions motivated by my survival instinct. Plus seeing all the hate in the media and in the US in general over trans people and with wanting to have our rights stripped away, I mean fuck...why even bother trying?
I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. All I see is a shooting range target akin to something like this:
