Discussion Is next Friday too soon to kill myself? How much longer should I wait for his call? He got Coronavirus :(

[Crushed_Innocence]

Hi SS Fam.

Ive been on this site for over a year. My last planned date was March 13th. But I met someone and had high hopes.... just when things were getting good. The shutdown came & he caught a bad case of the coronavirus & has stopped communicating with me. Just like the lives of hundreds of thousands, the Covid-19 has robbed me. Sure, I was going to CTB before I met him, but it seemed like a dream come true..... the first time in my life it seemed I had a budding true mutual connection..... I haven't heard from him since the 6th & I'm scared to confirm if he's dead or simply used it as an excuse to abandon me. And on top of it all I feel pathetic & demoralized to wait for him. I really want to wait 30 days so that the Covid-19 can be ruled out. But I'm in such psycological & emotional pain I feel like one week is all I have left. Im so tired of making ctb plans & cancelling everytime there is hope from him..... I have my method all ready to go....

 

[BPDbitch]

If you have any doubts I would wait. We will be here for you in the meantime, please don't attempt unless you are 100% sure, and even then wait a few days x

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

If you have any doubts I would wait. We will be here for you in the meantime, please don't attempt unless you are 100% sure, and even then wait a few days x

Thank you...... I agree I want to make sure Im completely at peace.... No lose ends untied. It feels good to know ss fam is here....

 

[Lostandfound7]

Yes honey, u should def wait until ur sure..Here for u

I hope he's ok..Even if he doesn't call, it's all good. Ur too good for him anyway! *sticks out tongue*..♡♡

 

[MartyByrde]

I imagine your love's absence is driving you crazy. There could be any number of reasons for him to have lost touch for now. Please try not to think the worst. It's also awesome you have been able to experience this budding romance. I hope when all the dust settles, that you're able to continue on with him.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Yes honey, u should def wait until ur sure..Here for u

I hope he's ok..Even if he doesn't call, it's all good. Ur too good for him anyway! *sticks out tongue*..♡♡

Your so sweet.... He was the best thing ever.... Im going to die for sure. Got my exit bag.... but want to try & wait.... Im all dried up..have absolutely nothing left to live for.

I imagine your love's absence is driving you crazy. There could be any number of reasons for him to have lost touch for now. Please try not to think the worst. It's also awesome you have been able to experience this budding romance. I hope when all the dust settles, that you're able to continue on with him.

Thank you...your comment is similar to my therapist. Its so hard not to think the worst.

 

[qwerty32]

Please wait. Give it some time.

 

[waterbottleman]

Hi SS Fam.

Ive been on this site for over a year. My last planned date was March 13th. But I met someone and had high hopes.... just when things were getting good. The shutdown came & he caught a bad case of the coronavirus & has stopped communicating with me. Just like the lives of hundreds of thousands, the Covid-19 has robbed me. Sure, I was going to CTB before I met him, but it seemed like a dream come true..... the first time in my life it seemed I had a budding true mutual connection..... I haven't heard from him since the 6th & I'm scared to confirm if he's dead or simply used it as an excuse to abandon me. And on top of it all I feel pathetic & demoralized to wait for him. I really want to wait 30 days so that the Covid-19 can be ruled out. But I'm in such psycological & emotional pain I feel like one week is all I have left. Im so tired of making ctb plans & cancelling everytime there is hope from him..... I have my method all ready to go....

Is this the guy you smoked weed with in a van? (that sounds like fun)

Anyways wow idk what to say about your situation. You're suicidal about to end your life, find this guy who sweeps you off your feet giving you hope in life, and then an externality in life comes in only to take him away from you. That just sounds.....so defeating. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Are you trying to communicate to him through his phone via text or something? Does he have any social media, maybe you could track him down online to get any idea at all if he lived through the virus or not.

Hope you figure out the answer to your question soon, in the mean time hang on even though it's hard to.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Is this the guy you smoked weed with in a van? (that sounds like fun)

Anyways wow idk what to say about your situation. You're suicidal about to end your life, find this guy who sweeps you off your feet giving you hope in life, and then an externality in life comes in only to take him away from you. That just sounds.....so defeating. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Are you trying to communicate to him through his phone via text or something? Does he have any social media, maybe you could track him down online to get any idea at all if he lived through the virus or not.

Hope you figure out the answer to your question soon, in the mean time hang on even though it's hard to.

Yes this is the same guy I posted about last month & you described the situation perfectly. The last time we talked he said he wanted to isolate himself by limiting any communication... He hasn't texted me back & won't call. It pisses me off that he just drop me in a time like this! I just feel like he dont care & Ill wait as long as I can but, I feel like if you can't even send a text or two a week then he not interested anymore... why would any guy go for WEEKS without contacting a girl you supposedly like? I guess he expects me to just take a hint & leave but due to the pandemic, Im trying to be understanding.... But understanding works two ways so I just feel like Obviously I like him more than he likes me which is NEVER a desirable place to be in as a female.... so I just feel like fuck it. Fuck life, fuck this shitty world, fuck him, with all its uncertainty & dog eat dog cruelty...
For a few days I got a taste of what it would be like to be happy, normal...at 40 years old on my first REAL DATES.... Only one positive sex ever in my life. I think I just need to be grateful for the tease & taste & get the fuck outtah here cause why should a girl like me even bother with hope? I need to die with a shred of my dignity intact rather than on my knees begging for a fucking scrap of attention from a guy who at first seemed so excited about me to now fucking crickets.... Im so over this shit.... He won't care when he gets my goodbye text on ctb day...
Like most men, Im sure he will just yawn roll over and move on to the next desperate beautiful girl in his harem.

Yeah..... I just need to determine a date to exit this shithole & all the predators, manipulators, and sociopaths that are in it.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It sounds like bs that he wanted to not just quarantine, but isolate and have no communication. It sounds like a passive, wuss way to break up with someone, to let them take a hint rather than be direct about it.

I don't mean to push you toward ctb. It's your call regardless of his behavior. I'm not going to dangle a carrot and say to live for him when his behavior says he's not emotionally involved or available, and I'm not going to say give up on all men or on life because of his playa behavia either.

 

[Jumper Geo]

@Crushed_Innocence

Tbh it doesn't sound good going into isolation and stopping all communication but there is no need to ctb because of someone who can't speak directly to you, i wouldn't keep sending him messages I would let him contact you now, the lock down won't last forever so try and stay positive and maybe you will meet someone later, have you joined a dating website now you have the confidence join up and check out people in your local area try not to think of a relationship just to have some fun, be selfish me,me,me,me, you might enjoy them more.

 

[Quarky00]

I'm not going to dangle a carrot and say to live for him

I concur.

I'd expand that particular issue -- my personal perspective is that I won't allow my life nor my ctb to hinge on one reason/person .

I also don't believe the "doubts" thing or "when it feels right" . Feelings come and go and doubts are always there , I think ctb/life should be substantive and rational -- I really do make a list and analyze my life . I plan/think how I can survive (or die within) a week , a month , or 3-month period. I am different. I noticed many people ctb in distress. Though the writing was on the wall for them for a long time, they reach a certain place and ctb within a couple of days. People have doubts till the end. Perhaps 'feels right' masks all those subconscious emotional interactions (that I don't relate to). I'm not encouraging anything, I invite OP to reflect.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

I concur.

I'd expand that particular issue -- my personal perspective is that I won't allow my life nor my ctb to hinge on one reason/person .

I also don't believe the "doubts" thing or "when it feels right" . Feelings come and go and doubts are always there , I think ctb/life should be substantive and rational -- I really do make a list and analyze my life . I plan/think how I can survive (or die within) a week , a month , or 3-month period. I am different. I noticed many people ctb in distress. Though the writing was on the wall for them for a long time, they reach a certain place and ctb within a couple of days. People have doubts till the end. Perhaps 'feels right' masks all those subconscious emotional interactions (that I don't relate to). I'm not encouraging anything, I invite OP to reflect.

Hello. Thank you for your reply..... I appreciate the reminder to reflect because I am a serious planner when it comes to ctb. I have a list of things that MUST be completed... finances, logistics, final letters, pre-sent emails ect.
I put this post to help myself AVOID AN IMPULSIVE ACT that I would not want. Because I want to leave the handful of loved ones I will leave behind with as little distress as possible....
The decision to leave life is the biggest Ill ever make & I need to make sure I'm totally at ease... thanks again

 

[Quarky00]

Other than planning the logistics, yeah, take the time to think if it's right for you right now. Obviously you were about to ctb, things were planned, and you want to end things. This guy delayed things and his suspected loss is not the reason to ctb. The hope and joy he gave you were enough to keep you a bit longer. Maybe there are things worth experiencing and exploring (not just specifically him). Maybe there aren't. And the conclusion about that may change from day to day. There could be a myriad of options there, waiting 30d, contacting him, looking for other things on the horizon (though I understand there are little of those), etc.

I aimed at that when I wrote about 'subconscious emotional interactions' that people experience within themselves as they approach ctb, or take a step back from ctb, and how or when it "feels right". It was a general observation, nothing personally aimed at you:) Despite all the mambo-jambo I've written, it is not meant to reconsider etc ... if you feel it's right -- it's okay , we're here to support/accept whatever you decide Feel free to share your considerations , when and if you feel like it .