Is Mental illness your reason ?

[lostintheloop]

In the past I've had depression and was barely functioning. But now I don't think I'm depressed anymore and I'm functioning well. Yet I'm still unhappy, and still certain on CTB. There's no reason to stay and nothing will ever change that. I'm not depressed or ill, I'm just a realist and thinking rationally.

I hate when the media paints suicide as ' if only they knew they were loved, if only they talked etc.' or 'just hold on, it gets better, you want out of your situation and pain not life'. I know for some people, they want an escape. But I don't. It's not that simple. I've talked to professionals and family, I've tried treatments. I know people care, i know helplines exist and all that BS.
My life is fine, i'm not in a shitty situation, it's me that's the issue. Even if i was somehow magically happy, life is still meaningless to me, and I'd still want to die. I will always be me and I can't stand to live with myself much longer. I shouldn't be alive I'm a waste of space.

It's not that I'm overwhelmed by pain and need an escape. At one point it was. But now I just know life isn't for me, I'm meant to die soon, that's my choice that I'm at peace with.

What about you guys ?

 

[Roseate]

It's both for me. It gets harder dealing with all of these rollercoaster emotions and I can't handle the slightest stress or things going out of control, it drives me to chaos and usually it's hard for me to find my way back. But even when it's not so bad, the things that goes on in this world, whenever I'm forced to see it, I can't help but wonder and wondering never ends well for me. For the most part I feel like I don't belong and I've rarely felt that. And there just isn't enough happiness in this world for me. Just distractions and I'm tired of the distractions but the only way to be happy in this world is to distract yourself and that is truly sad.

 

[Ambivalent1]

No

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes- I feel very similarly to you. I think at most- I have mild to moderate depression. Still- seeing as I've had ideation most of my life- even when things were relatively good- presumably that means I've had depression all that time too. I don't have a different head space to find my way back to- this just IS the way I think. I don't particularly want to change it either.

I'm not a psychologist- so- I couldn't say whether it's mental 'illness'. Regardless though- I don't think mental illness necessarily prevents people from making rational decisions about their lives. Why SHOULD someone want to live if they are that unhappy? If the only way to make themselves happy is to take a shit load of drugs and go through all sorts of therapy and 'self improvement'? With the distinct possibility that that might not even be effective- Why SHOULD they put themselves through all that? Is it REALLY for their sake?

 

[Anonymus]

No, because I've always been like this... my problem is that I've been socially excluded despite having tried, without succeeding, to prevent this from happening.
//
No, perquè jo sóc així desde sempre.. el meu problema es que m'han exclòs socialment tot i haver intentat, sense aconseguir-ho pas, que això no pasés.

 

[g56f32Z4n8#uExEuU*@]

I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago, but I do not think I am here because of that. I am not taking any drugs for it, and I am confident that I see things very clearly. I am peaceful in my suffering, and I can still be caring, supportive of others, and fully "functional" at work. I just don't think that what life is giving me - and could give me in the future - is worth the suffering. Mine is a simple cost-opportunity consideration.

 

[LittleJem]

mental illness definitely. every day is an ordeal. all day long SI and agitation. This is currently with a medication that is helping me, it's usually worse than this: crying all day, low functioning, no motivation, fatigue. twenty years of suffering and counting. plus my life is empty

 

[numbnesshuman]

Diagnosed as depression few years ago also. Since then I feel like I became a different person (or finally realized who am I). I keep trying to find a peaceful way to ctb because I don't have emotions and feel like I only bring harm and negativity to others.

 

[Vizzy]

I don't know

 

[DesperateOne]

No, because I've always been like this... my problem is that I've been socially excluded despite having tried, without succeeding, to prevent this from happening.
//
No, perquè jo sóc així desde sempre.. el meu problema es que m'han exclòs socialment tot i haver intentat, sense aconseguir-ho pas, que això no pasés.

Yup almost the same. My entire life I lived in this sort of dissociated state filled with brain fog. It feels like my executive function is none existant and I have no energy to do anything at all besides staring at a computer screen or sleeping. I have a theory: I was not socialized as a child > social exclusion > severe internet addiction > lots and lots of isolation > depression, anxiety, social retardation > hikikomori lifestyle > suicide (I am here).

 

[FuneralCry]

My wish to die is certainly not an "illness" and it could never be, my wish to cease existing is just the logical response to having awareness that existence is just a futile and unnecessary process of slowly dying, existing could never appeal to me and I'm not delusional enough to wish to deteriorate from age and suffer in the process, there is no benefit to this empty existence and I only wish for the permanent relief that only leaving this world could bring. Existence in itself is the true problem that can only be solved by death, the only relief lies in the thought of everything being forgotten about for all eternity.