Discussion Is love the answer?

[Gnip]

I've read a book called "Your erroneous zones" and the first thing it says is:
"If you can't love yourself, you can't love anybody/anything else. "
I so agree with you!

I need to dig out and read my old copies of "Your Erroneous Zones" and "Pulling Your Own Strings."

Wayne Dyer was criticized by David Burns for expressing what Burns described as "cognitive distortions" in Burns' 1980 bestseller "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" (the bestselling book ever on cognitive-behavioral therapy) but the passage of over 40 years has not always been kind to Burns and the CBT theory of mental health. (Gary Emery, the developer of Rapid Cognitive Therapy and a mentor to Burns later reportedly abandoned CBT entirely.

Retroactively, Dyer may have been right that fairness and justice do not exist, and that we might all have an improved outlook by taking it for granted that notions of fairness, justice and equality are a myth. (Of course the hard and fast rule that my retired elementary school principal father forcefully and violently hammered relentlessly into me all my life under threat of painful death, with the enthusiastic support of school psychologists, is that I have always been the worst person who ever existed, born as such.)

 

[sadpenguin]

Today I was jogging and saw lots of happy couples and I thought: "Been there. Done that. Or maybe...that's what I need...?"

Do you think love could save you or at least postpone your ctb date and suicidal thoughts? Is it really possible?

I don't feel ready to be in a relationship so there's no way I'm dating any girls but hey, in a few months, who knows? Gotta enjoy life before "leaving."

Hello
In some cases, I believe so - atleast in my case it has. I am one of the "lucky ones" in the way that I found a true love & have managed to keep it thus far. It's not a cure-all. My obsession with ctb and attempts have put quite a strain on our relationship. However, our love has withstood many storms, but so have my suicidal thoughts. From the outside, one would think I have everything - a beautiful home, marriage, family, and so on. Do I still think about it? Damn, straight! I'm not always able to voice these things either, even with those that I love most. It has definitely postponed my ctb though. I used to think our love could save me, until I realized, only I can save me. It's a constant back & forth - do or dont I want to be saved? I envy you in some ways - it'd be a hell of a lot easier!✌

 

[Freedom Believer]

For me, I would be too happy to think I actually I got someone from outside of my family to care about me to think about CTB.

 

[Daveyjones]

Love kept me alive five years ago when I wanted to ctb. Turns out it was a deception. It would've been better if I had died back then.

I resonated with this so much, especially recently even more so. I've put so much into it and have so much love to give and it's like she doesn't want it anymore and using dating apps as a means of "joking around with ppl" which is just lies behind my back. But I'm too good of a person to tell her to leave.

I've read a book called "Your erroneous zones" and the first thing it says is:
"If you can't love yourself, you can't love anybody/anything else. "
I so agree with you!

Everyone tells me this as well, its just so hard to love yourself when no one else seems to love you. Or you don't even like anything about yourself.

 

[Merlay]

I've read a book called "Your erroneous zones" and the first thing it says is:
"If you can't love yourself, you can't love anybody/anything else. "
I so agree with you!

I've read and heard that quote almost everywhere. But in my case, I love other people (friends and artists) more than myself. So the saying goes with me, "If you can't love yourself, you can't accept the love you ought to deserve."

Today I was jogging and saw lots of happy couples and I thought: "Been there. Done that. Or maybe...that's what I need...?"

Do you think love could save you or at least postpone your ctb date and suicidal thoughts? Is it really possible?

I don't feel ready to be in a relationship so there's no way I'm dating any girls but hey, in a few months, who knows? Gotta enjoy life before "leaving."

You can love someone, but can't accept that person's flaws so you try to change that person. You can love someone, but despise that person in the worst times. Sometimes, love is not enough. It doesn't always work. But acceptance is.

 

[Captive of Mind]

I'm sure this has saved a lot of people in the past and it could no doubt bring you all sorts of benefits. This might even be your best shot at recovery. Remaining single for the rest of your life doesn't seem like a good option.

For me, I refuse to bring anyone else into my life like that knowing how I will inevitably ruin everything and hurt them.

 

[stygal]

I don't think I ever felt love so I wouldn't know...

One thing that helps for sure is finding someone or a group of people you're able to be yourself with or have the feeling that they truly and deeply care about you.

Also for me personally being healthy (physically and probably a little bit mentally) is my number one priority whatever happens while or after I got there ...I'd just let the universe surprise me.

 

[NightmareTour]

I don't think I'd be capable of getting close to anyone anymore, romantically or otherwise. I definitely wouldn't be able to have a healthy relationship. Having romantic feelings towards anyone is the absolute last thing I'd want right now.

 

[Pookie]

Love will not save me. Nothing will. Except maybe a miracle and I don't believe in miracles. My body is ready for the scrap heap.

 

[lifegoeson]

I think it depends on the reasons you want to ctb. If your reasons come from a lack of connection/ lack of love then finding love may be exactly what you need to help heal yourself.

 

[aneurysm]

I have been in love with someone all my life, and I feel like the love only keeps on growing. I know he loves me too. However, we cannot be together because we are cousin. I would probably rethink my CBT if there was a possibility of us being together.

 

[lucacaro]

(I think I may have said something similar on another post maybe by you but I'll say it again anyways. Sorry I got a little off track at the end.. )

I think I could be happy and want to live if I found someone who loved me like I loved them. It would be a amazing to even just see the person I love everyday - I'd literally treasure every conversation we would have and I'd give them all the gifts I could. It would make everything else I hate about life worth it just to be able to hold their hand.

However just loving someone who I have no chance with/does not share the same feelings as me is not enough. I'm kind of going through that right now. I can't even describe just how much I really like someone I know - it's just so intense. If I could live my life with them I'd trash my SN immediately and maybe even ditch this site. I think part of my love for them is due to me being mentally ill - I can't imagine being this obsessive over someone else is normal.

But that's not going to happen and I won't be delusional about it either I know there isn't a chance and it's okay - Sometimes people just aren't meant to be together for all sorts of reasons and I know we are incompatible. I really really hope that this person of mine finds a lover (or two, if they want) who will treat them with all the love and respect they deserve. I really want them to be happy.

 

[newave3]

If love is the answer, what's the question again?

 

[Niirvana]

It could be mt friend ;)

 

[JustHeckinKillMe]

Yes. Self love. Which I lack

 

[MrBlue]

While I'll never experience it, I imagine someone loving me like that would at least postpone my suicidal thoughts. Though I also know that in the faint chance someone did love me, their feelings would be short lived or the relationship itself very co-dependent.

 

[sadworld]

I don't know tbh... good question.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

I would definitely postpone my suicide, but who am I trying to fool, no girl will ever see me as a possible date.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I'm that messed up I could probably fall in love with a tree stump.

Hence the expression "I've got wood" !!! :-)

 

[throughtheglass]

In my case love made me suicidal and drove me to this state. I'll never be content with my life like I used to before him. The pain that I got from that is unbearable and made me even more empty.

 

[WornOutLife]

In my case love made me suicidal and drove me to this state. I'll never be content with my life like I used to before him. The pain that I got from that is unbearable and made me even more empty.

Damn! I'm so sorry to hear this.
To tell you the truth, when I was a teenager I also felt suicidal because of a toxic love relationship. Fortunately, later on, I moved on.
The thing is that now I'm depressed for so many reasons!
I don't know what the best is! lol

 

[Ghost2211]

It would make life a lot less lonely and scary, but even if I give a lot of love and care in return I can't imagine being that dependent on another person would lead to a happy healthy relationship. If we -need- a relationship in order to be ok then we may be looking for something lacking in ourself. It would be better to figure out what that is and fix it rather than suffer heartbreak.

 

[Deltawaves74]

the prob with love is it is never just that it comes with every other emotion

 

[plsgodno]

yes. it saved me. and i saved her. but she had to go out of town and she couldn't take being away from me. because i was her medicine. so, she ctb. now, i have to do the same. i wish we could be together. but there is no afterlife. and even if there is an afterlife. we wouldn't be the same. the love we had and us how we were are gone for all eternity. hell does exist. i promise you that. because i'm in hell right now. i think tonight i want to sleep

 

[notreallynow]

For me it would be. Pity I've lost the ability to feel it for anyone 2 years and counting. Mother went = vacuum of love in existance. Dad's still here but its a sword of damocles situation. I can't love anyone new, never been close to anyone outside of family (not a warm person) - so that's all really. There's my personal favourite thing about life, so I'm choosing not to live without it.

 

[*Hope*]

Being in love is a small part why im here If only I had the courage (or a few more inches of height lol) then I would of been the happiest man alive. Love is the answer, but it seems like a different answer for each individual