is looking for a painless method just an excuse

[fishperson]

Im starting to doubt myself lately , do I actually want to ctb or am I looking for excuses to avoid it, like sure pain is rough but it would last few minutes and its much more worth it than suffering every waking day.
I also keep telling myself that i dont want to end up with brain damage , it just feels like im avoiding committing

 

[behindtheveil]

It's the SI effect. It's a built in self preservation system in our genes. I am no expert but sometimes taking a step back and simply breathing does help in seeing things clearly. Hope it helps.

 

[T22222222]

It's the SI effect. It's a built in self preservation system in our genes. I am no expert but sometimes taking a step back and simply breathing does help in seeing things clearly. Hope it helps.

It sucks so bad. Like I know CTB is the only way forward for me but still my SI is sabotaging it.

 

[behindtheveil]

It sucks so bad. Like I know CTB is the only way forward for me but still my SI is sabotaging it.

You and I, both.

 

[T22222222]

You and I, both.

Where are you from if you don't mind me asking? I live in Singapore

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Yeah, the rational thing to do is just FSH. I have the means at my disposal and the pain is just a few seconds.

I know my soul is all messed up and suicide is my destination. I'm just weak. I know I would minimize pain by just getting it done, but I choose sleep, snoozing, or scrolling, then I have brutal anxiety when I have to go do something.

I would be gone if I had a gun. You wouldn't feel it, you wouldn't hear it. I really should have bought one months ago.

 

[fishperson]

Yeah, the rational thing to do is just FSH. I have the means at my disposal and the pain is just a few seconds.

I know my soul is all messed up and suicide is my destination. I'm just weak. I know I would minimize pain by just getting it done, but I choose sleep, snoozing, or scrolling, then I have brutal anxiety when I have to go do something.

I would be gone if I had a gun. You wouldn't feel it, you wouldn't hear it. I really should have bought one months ago.

same , im rdy for FSH , but when i think bout it starts to sound scary. my dream was to cease to exist , having to do it by myself feels scary and also painful. when i watch videos of people doing FSH my heart starts racing

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

same , im rdy for FSH , but when i think bout it starts to sound scary. my dream was to cease to exist , having to do it by myself feels scary and also painful. when i watch videos of people doing FSH my heart starts racing

Yeah, it's very hard to deal with the terror. I need to think of it as relief, relief, relief. Peace. Terror belongs to consciousness, there's none of it in death.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not in a place to attempt at the moment because, I'm waiting for a loved one to go first. Still, I can see fear of attempting putting me off. I think it is more fear of pain/ failing an attempt and the consequences for me- rather than death itself or, doubts that I want to die.

I know some people claim that if we wanted to die enough, we wouldn't let that stop us but then, I just don't think that's entirely realistic. No matter how much we want something- if an unload pain load, and unknown chance of success is involved, I think it's understandable we are hugely nervous and hesitant.

Imagine saying to someone- I'll give you 5 million but if you accept, there's a 1 in 25 chance I'll shoot you in the kneecaps instead and you won't give you the money either. How many people would actually accept? They'd surely want the money. It would probably greatly enhance their quality of life. But- would they risk increbile pain, maiming and life altering injuries to get it? I'd say they'd be pretty stupid or utterly desperate to accept those odds. So why imagine we would accept fairly unknown odds either?

But, it's still up to us I suppose- to try and work out what it actually is frightening us. If there is any vestige of hope or curiosity about the life side of things then- that does seem worth investigating before we decide on death.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

It could all be over in 30min. It's about making the decision and acting coolly.

Every time I put the rope around my neck I learn I'm not as serious as I think. Not with this method anyway.

But I'll take the chair out and almost-do it again. Maybe today is the day

 

[leaving_early]

I don't think it needs to be. Overcoming SI and catching the bus is already difficult enough on it's own for many of us. If you add in pain and a chance of survival it becomes even harder to go through with it.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Another morning, another almost-hanging. I'm taking partial a little farther into woozy feelings. My indoor anchor is too low. I have one serious one and it's outside. I think I've desensitized myself to the fear of stepping off the chair and the squeeze doesn't even hurt THAT much. I went through this process yesterday, but I'm doing it again: thinking of doing it tonight gives me the peace to get through this afternoon's obligations. I even shaved (face & head). I'm feeling relatively chill. My "attempts," suicide play really, interrupt my anxiety a little. I'm beginning to understand SH

I don't think it needs to be. Overcoming SI and catching the bus is already difficult enough on it's own for many of us. If you add in pain and a chance of survival it becomes even harder to go through with it.

Great avi

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I would be gone if I had a gun. You wouldn't feel it, you wouldn't hear it. I really should have bought one months ago.

You wouldn't feel or hear it if done perfectly. Not everyone manages to do that.

 

[DreamingOfAutumn]

I think it depends on the person whether or not pain is even what's stopping them. When I created this account I intended to CTB soon but decided against it, yet it had nothing to do with pain, in truth I'd be surprised if the method I was considering at the time would even keep me alive long enough to feel pain. On the other hand I used to cut and burn myself a lot when I was younger, some of those cuts needed stitches. The burns hurt more than the cuts, but I think I have a pretty high tolerance for self-harm given those experiences. My meaning is that different people have different reasons for waiting.

 

[fishperson]

I think it depends on the person whether or not pain is even what's stopping them. When I created this account I intended to CTB soon but decided against it, yet it had nothing to do with pain, in truth I'd be surprised if the method I was considering at the time would even keep me alive long enough to feel pain. On the other hand I used to cut and burn myself a lot when I was younger, some of those cuts needed stitches. The burns hurt more than the cuts, but I think I have a pretty high tolerance for self-harm given those experiences. My meaning is that different people have different reasons for waiting.

I have been thinking bout this and I agree. I do think i have high pain tolerance too.
Im starting to think If overdosing was actually efficient i see myself committing to it without fear Because u can do it while being sleepy in bed.
It doesnt feel as real as FSH.
FSH u have to prepare to rope tie etc etc , it feels much more real.
Specially with how i have been living lately fading in the dream realm. FSH , makes everything brutally real

 

[fedup1982]

You're not making it up. Dying is hard because the suffering required to pull it off is so great. Most people stop in the middle of trying if they can because it is unbearable, even worse than the life they were trying to escape

 

[Defenestration]

C'est vraiment nul. Je sais que CTB est la seule solution pour moi, mais mon SI sabote tout.

Same for me....

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

It's a mechanism. Any insect follows the same programming. You've probably seen cases of people who, unable to do it themselves, had to hire criminals to do it. This is more common in countries with high crime rates. It's easier to contact them. In the cases I followed, both were lawyers. This interaction with criminals happens because of their profession. They had the will, they weren't afraid of death, they just couldn't overcome their SI.

 

[Defenestration]

C'est un mécanisme. Tout insecte suit la même programmation. Vous avez probablement déjà vu des cas de personnes qui, incapables de se suicider elles-mêmes, ont dû engager des criminels. C'est plus fréquent dans les pays à forte criminalité. Il est plus facile de les contacter. Dans les cas que j'ai suivis, les deux personnes étaient avocates. Ce recours aux criminels est lié à leur profession. Ils en avaient la volonté, ils n'avaient pas peur de la mort, ils ne pouvaient tout simplement pas surmonter leurs pulsions.

Interesting do you know this 2 ?

 

[ShadowOfASelf]

I mean if you're trying to CTB in order to escape pain, it does make sense that ideally you'd like to CTB in a painless way.

 

[Defenestration]

Si vous essayez de pratiquer le CTB pour échapper à la douleur, il est logique qu'idéalement vous souhaitiez le faire sans douleur.

Yez but ctb without dolor or anxiety is impossible

 

[ShadowOfASelf]

Yes and that's unfortunate. I'm just saying that I don't think it's just an excuse, I think it's a reasonable thing to want. It just sucks that it's basically impossible to get unless you're in the right country and are critically ill/jump through a ton of administrative hoops. But I don't think fear is an excuse, I think it's a reason. An excuse is when you don't actually want to do the thing so you make up some reason not to, I think a lot of people here DO want it, they're just scared because a lot of painless/safe/guaranteed ways are denied to them and they're surrounded by people who act as agents of a system that will strip away your rights if they know you want to attempt, so "getting it right" is a very reasonable concern to have.