Discussion Is leaving notes/messages for loved ones/friends a bad thing?

[Imhopeless]

Before my death I wish to send some people few messages, explaining and telling them what made me do what I did, tell them it's not their fault and apologise but I know some people find it unethical. Saying it'll burden the person who recieved such a message for the rest of their life. I agree and disagree with this statement, itll scare them but at the same time if I were that person I would wonder if it was my fault, why that happened. I'm just so conflicted, how would you feel about receiving something like that? Would you resent the person who send it for making your life sad or would you understand?

Is your opinion different regardless whether it's a family member or a friend? I'm just really curious because I don't want to make a mistake

 

[GoSan1]

Im leaving notes for my family, not "friends" tho. Just to let them know why I did it and that its not their fault... I wouldn't say its either a good or bad thing, but just something to help get clarification...

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I think it's up to the individual whether to leave one, a note may help others understand a bit more if they have an explanation, I'd explain in my case that I've always wanted to die and would always prefer to painlessly not exist than suffer from old age in this existence I always saw as so undesirable.

 

[Seiba]

It's better than no closure. Most people are very confused when someone kill themselves and have a lot of questions.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've not heard of people describe leaving notes as unethical before. More the other way around. That those left behind are left with no explanation. No indication that the person even thought about them as they left.

I guess it depends what you put in the note. 'This is all your fault' type of thing likely would make someone feel bad but then- maybe it was their fault! I imagine those considering writing that probably have experienced awful abuse or neglect.

I doubt notes do a huge amount to soften the blow of an actual suicide but personally, I would think they are at least something.

I'd want to say that it wasn't an impulsive decision for me. That I held on for as long as I could for the people who I felt wouldn't get over it to go first. That there's nothing anyone could have done to help or stop me. And that I hate the thought that I've upset them and that I'm sorry for doing that.

Not that I expect it would diminish all the negative thoughts/ grief but, I hope it would let them know that I wouldn't want them to feel bad or guilty.

 

[lionetta12]

Before my death I wish to send some people few messages, explaining and telling them what made me do what I did, tell them it's not their fault and apologise but I know some people find it unethical. Saying it'll burden the person who recieved such a message for the rest of their life. I agree and disagree with this statement, itll scare them but at the same time if I were that person I would wonder if it was my fault, why that happened. I'm just so conflicted, how would you feel about receiving something like that? Would you resent the person who send it for making your life sad or would you understand?

Is your opinion different regardless whether it's a family member or a friend? I'm just really curious because I don't want to make a mistake

Whats right or wrong for you in your circumstance, is only up for you to decice and judge, nobody else, do whatever feels right for you. I don't see anything wrong with making notes personally. You might be able to reassure your loved ones that it was not their fault and that you didn't think there was anything more or different they could have done for you. You might also then be able to state your reason(s) for being suicidal. It would clear up a lot of possible guilt feelings, give them closure and give them the answers that they'd be seeking.