is it wrong to lie about CTBing early

[TheHolySword]

I have an online friend that I have a strained friendship with. It was my fault. I did a lot of shitty and horrible things last year because I wanted to die and I wanted everyone in my life to leave. Some did, some didn't. She stayed but our friendship was badly damaged and is never gonna be the same. I debated even telling her but if it were me, I would want to know if anything happened to her. I'm writing her a letter and I'm going to send it as soon as it's done. I'm also going to her leave a couple voice messages on discord so she has something to listen to if she misses me. The only issue is that I won't be CTBing until after May. I don't want her worrying or messaging me because I've all but disappeared online, I want her to have more time to start processing and understanding and healing. But is this wrong? I'm still going to be here while she's hurting because she thinks I'm gone. But it will allow her to move on from this part of my life and free me from everything that could have been. Should I wait to tell her anything until it's actually my time?

A few notes: she doesn't have my number, doesn't know my address or where I live, doesn't know any of my socials except discord, we don't have any mutual friends anymore for her to contact. So her knowing isn't going to jeopardize any plans. The letter isn't going to include any identifiable information to contact me either.

 

[human909]

for me i don't think this is wrong since if you are sure you are gonna ctb then i think it's a good idea since she would be just dealing with the pain earlier rather than later.

 

[TheHolySword]

for me i don't think this is wrong since if you are sure you are gonna ctb then i think it's a good idea since she would be just dealing with the pain earlier rather than later.

thank you. that was my thought process, too. i just want her to finally forget about me and move on from everything that happened last year. i hope it will give her some kind of closure