
rest in peace
Member
- Feb 23, 2023
- 40
after 10 years of constant suffering, is it better to just give up, at last?
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how can i really ignore SI? honestly, closer i get to ctb, the less SI i haveAt least tie up loose ends right? It's not even giving up, it's gaining the courage to finally change our situation. If it was as easy as giving up then why is it so hard? SI and Hope are easy to ignore for me now.
To really really ignore it, I try to overload my emotions thinking of everything that triggers me. That empty feeling as my hormones subsides is pretty much how I know the end is near, so SI drops. I mean just flirt with it like way too close, have a plan, or get too close to an edge and see if the empty feeling is still there. If I'm undernourished or bedstuck than I do feel a call to the void but still have SI. So stay hydrated I guess lolhow can i really ignore SI? honestly, closer i get to ctb, the less SI i have
This.That's unfortunately something only you can answer.
lol its not my cat but i agree its pretty adorableThis.
@ Rest In Peace Sorry I have no advice, but can I comment on how absolutely adorable your cat is? That's your cat in the avatar pic, isn't it?
it does make me feel more alive, but i dont knowif that is a long term solutionYes. I will not tell you to get better. But I will tell you what helped me has been finding topics and skills to learn. The world is full of vast mysteries which have nothing to do with the human condition or our feelings. Think about it. There are materials, elements, compounds, and forces, phenomena and places yet to be discovered. Or seemingly simple things we take for granted in our reality. We in some way can influence our perception. Death cognition loops are really hard to break out of because they are self affirming truth tables.
thank you <3TL;DR ----> I dunno.
10 years of suffering... That must have been horrible to endure. I hate to give the standard answer "it's up to you to decide" because I don't think it really helps much. I can give my personal point of view, from someone who's struggling with depression for a long time. Something that helps me when I go through phases of extreme sadness is one main philosophy:
The entire universe is, by default, meaningless.
It doesn't give a fuck if we live or die. You can argue that if that's the case, there's no point in living then. But there's no point in killing yourself either. The fact that all of us are alive carries no meaning whatsoever. Now I know this may not sound as a convincing argument, but it can be helpful in many cases. When someone suffers trauma, mental illness, bullying, or is going through a very bad circumstance, knowing that cruelty is not the main force in life can help a lot to put things in perspective and gives time to analize the situation before making an irreversible decision.
In my case, childhood trauma, a low paying job and depression because of hormonal inbalance has become a nightmare for years, and I've been suffering for months trying to find reasons to live. Being informed of how our brain works helped me a lot to deal with depression. I'm probably gonna live my entire life with that problem because trauma just doesn't go away and you need to learn how to live with that (which there aren't enough words in the english language that can describe HOW MUCH THAT SUCKS). However, there are many things that I like doing, and I'm curious about learning new skills. Looking for things you enjoy doing is especially hard but very rewarding once you find them.
So there isn't really one specific reason to get better. It will be a different one for each individual. It helps to try to understand your own personal struggles from an impartial point of view and simply having the desire to carry on. Only then one can change the way they see the future and actually improve their lives.
Hope it helps. Good luck!