Venting is it weird wanting to be someones first and only love

[Zaya]

I've never been in a real relationship (closest I got was a toxic long distance relationship) so I am obviously still a virgin.

Is it weird that I want a relationship where my partner and I are both each others first time, both sexually but also in terms of a relationship in general?

Just thinking about being in a relationship (even tho that will never happen aynways lol) and knowing my partner basically said all the exact things he says to me to someone else already would just really weird me out and make them totally meaningless.

I just wish I had someone only for myself who actually wants me and loves me. Just one person in my life that won't leave me..

People used to marry their first love and now dating has just become something casual like a hobby it's so fucked up

 

[ijustwishtodie]

That doesn't sound weird at all. I actually think that it's weird to want to not be someone's first and only love. Why would anybody want to go through breakups and the emotional pain that causes?

 

[SexyIncél]

As I understand, you're a guy? I don't know guy/guy dynamics well. But that's certainly what most guys prefer from gals

(Some will respond cynically, that this is to facilitate manipulation. But no, it's much deeper than that, as Will Smith discovered to his chagrin)

The best relationship I know by far, were two people who were each other's firsts. Together since 13

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

People used to marry their first love and now dating has just become something casual like a hobby it's so fucked up

i hate this new age of hookup culture as well. it's disgusting. people egg eachother on to see how many they can sleep with.

but anyways, no, it's not weird. it sounds like you want to grow with someone, learning new things instead of being behind or more experienced than them. that truly is romantic, not strange at all.

 

[Malaria]

It's a matter of personal preference. One's preference is not more valid than the other's imo. Everyone has the right to have their own standards and boundaries in a relationship.

Personally, I don't mind either way if the person I'm dating is a virgin or not, or has a past love or not, but I might not want to date someone who has a "high body count", if you know what I mean.

 

[Mirrory Me]

It's probably quite normal, when you want to experience equal love. Or then you see it as more realistic that the relationship could last.

 

[Zaya]

but anyways, no, it's not weird. it sounds like you want to grow with someone, learning new things instead of being behind or more experienced than them. that truly is romantic, not strange at all.

Exactly, I just wish I was lucky enough to find someone who wants the same

As I understand, you're a guy? I don't know guy/guy dynamics well. But that's certainly what most guys prefer from gals

(Some will respond cynically, that this is to facilitate manipulation. But no, it's much deeper than that, as Will Smith discovered to his chagrin)

The best relationship I know by far, were two people who were each other's firsts. Together since 13

Yeah I'm a guy. I guess that doesn't exactly make it easier for me

That doesn't sound weird at all. I actually think that it's weird to want to not be someone's first and only love. Why would anybody want to go through breakups and the emotional pain that causes?

I guess for some people it's not as painful as it is for others..

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

There's nothing wrong with wanting that, but just know it may not be realistic. Many people are out fishing for the best option. Even within existing relationships. And you may be someone's first choice for a while, but there are no guarantees that will continue to be the case.

Having really been through the wringer, I can tell you that the less seriously you take your relationships, the happier you'll probably be. I'm not saying you'll have great or fulfilling ones as a result, but when we're overly invested, it seems to backfire. The same applies to a person's history - if you're not so hung up on their past, you'll likely have an easier time of it.

It's a case of letting go, I think. Accepting that the right person may not have the straightforward outlook or as clear a history as you do. Hypergamy is a thing all across the board, and you'll likely have to deal with it all throughout your life.

Still, I do hope you find the type of relationship you're looking for. Good luck.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I've never had a relationship either but I'd honestly prefer any potential partner I have to at least have some experience, enough to guide us both through at least. That might be asking for too much though.

 

[Zaya]

There's nothing wrong with wanting that, but just know it may not be realistic. Many people are out fishing for the best option. Even within existing relationships. And you may be someone's first choice for a while, but there are no guarantees that will continue to be the case.

Having really been through the wringer, I can tell you that the less seriously you take your relationships, the happier you'll probably be. I'm not saying you'll have great or fulfilling ones as a result, but when we're overly invested, it seems to backfire. The same applies to a person's history - if you're not so hung up on their past, you'll likely have an easier time of it.

It's a case of letting go, I think. Accepting that the right person may not have the straightforward outlook or as clear a history as you do. Hypergamy is a thing all across the board, and you'll likely have to deal with it all throughout your life.

That would be my biggest fear, them just losing interest. And tbh I dont know if Im even capable of "letting go" no matter how much I want to. I think Im too obsessive and I generally always overthink everything which also doesnt exactly help my chances of finding someone, let alone keeping them around. Even tho if it were the right person Im sure they would comfort me with these things and not just leave i guess, at least thats what I would do.

Still, I do hope you find the type of relationship you're looking for. Good luck.

Thank you, I know that it realistically won't ever happen but it's a nice thing to fantasize about