Help Is it time to give up?

[nattns]

Let me give you some context. My name is Natt, I am 21 years old, and I suffer from social anxiety and depression. I have spent my whole life trying to heal, but I cannot take it anymore.

I have tried changing my lifestyle habits such as going to the gym, eating healthy, keeping a good sleep schedule, brushing my teeth, showering daily, talking about my mental health issues with my family, going to therapy, trying to make new friends,... but nothing works. I always end up at the same starting point, isolated in my room with no energy to do anything.

After 21 years of trying to "heal" and seeing how everyone around me is already building their families and their lives while I can barely leave my room, I now ask myself: is there anything left to try or is it time to CTB?
Is it really worth living this way?
Please tell me if there is something I am ignoring that could help me, because lately I do not have much hope.

 

[2percent]

It's good that you seem to have been keeping active. It's not a silver bullet but it can help. Have you tried medications, and if so, which? Regarding therapy, what modalities and methods have you tried, and what do you find are the most 'sticky' thoughts in your mind when you're feeling poorly?

 

[whywere]

Well, this comes from a 69-year-old person, 48 years your senior. I mention the prior as part of my answer, which is this: I am 100% pro-choice, HOWEVER, you have so much to experience yet. Along with this is simple facts like a wonderfully beautiful sun rise and sun set.

A tropical breeze flowing over your body with the warm sun adding to the wonderful experience. Skiing down a slope in winter with Jack Frost nipping your skin and the fresh powder swirling around you.

The joy of all the family here on SaSu, where we are all together in this and how the warmth and kindness go way beyond just a computer screen and effects one's heart, mind and soul.

Just imagine the entire sensory package of meeting new people, cultures and ideas intertwined with savory food and drink.

You have 48 years on me to experience, enjoy and above and beyond everything new friendships, like the family on here.

Yep, I have massive depression, and there are days that it really sucks big time, HOWEVER, the joy that I give and receive from others just in itself is such really good medicine for my depression.

I truly care about you and want the very best for you always. Yes, it is a fight, BUT it is a fight worth fighting. Without you here the family would not be the same.

Hugs, loving thoughts and you are a beautiful person!

Walter

 

[unluckysadness]

Hi Natt, I feel you because I suffer from severe social anxiety / agoraphobia & many more shitty things since I was 16. I'm 43 now and things have become worse the 5 last years (with physical disability now). You're still very young. I'm far older than you (I could be your father...) but this is my advice : let yourself time to think about CBT. There's no hurry. In my time (late 90's), people didn't talk about mental illness, but now things have changed and that's a good thing. My life was ruined because nobody gave me meds or even psychiatrist care. It was another time. Everyone around me said "it's just anxiety, nothing important". But it was not my fault, it's something in the brain that don't work properly. I know these words won't help you in your situation, but I think that in the future, there will surely be medical progress with AI or something like that. For me it's too late, but there's maybe hope for you. I wish you the best

 

[-Link-]

First thing that comes to mind: Is anything being overlooked. Is this "just" depression and social anxiety? Or could there be something else going on? eg. ADHD, PTSD, autism spectrum, personality disorder (avoidant, borderline, etc.).

Also, physical health conditions as possible contributing factors: Blood tests to screen for thyroid issues, vitamin deficiencies, blood sugar, inflammation, etc. Autoimmune conditions, hormonal imbalances, sleep apnea, chronic infections, post-viral issues (eg. long COVID) as other possible factors.

going to therapy

I'd look at the type and quality of therapy. There is structured (eg. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, Acceptance & Commitment Therapy), and then there is the more generalized therapy (talk therapy). Duration and frequency will be a factor. Consistent and long-term will have more potential than sporadic and short-term.

Also, group therapy, or one-on-one, or both. And whether the therapy is goal-oriented (specific direction/goals), or if it's more support-oriented (open-ended). Also a factor is the credentials of the practitioner and what areas, if any, they specialize in.

Any past medication trials, or any current medications?

If first-line treatments aren't working, there may be second-line or third-line options available. For instance, with treatment-resistant depression, there is rTMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation), DBS (deep brain stimulation), ECT (electroconvulsive therapy), Ketamine, for example. (Research thoroughly before engaging any treatments like these.)

going to the gym, eating healthy, keeping a good sleep schedule, brushing my teeth, showering daily, talking about my mental health issues with my family,

These are brilliantly good to keep up with.

It sounds like your depression and anxiety are pretty significant, so I'm thinking the therapy and medication angles are going to be pretty important in your situation, in addition to the lifestyle habits.

Therapy programs (CBT, DBT, ACT, etc.) are meant to teach patients various coping techniques to use in their day-to-day lives. Practice and persistence are important because what you're actually doing is reconditioning (rewiring) your brain. By using these techniques, you're literally making physical changes in your brain that go towards alleviating symptoms.

The lifestyle habits are brilliant. But if your situation is as significant as it sounds, then I would also look at long-term, goal-oriented, professionally-guided treatment -- both one-on-one and group. As intensive (frequent) as you can.

I know accessibility is a barrier for a lot of people. If you want to do a treatment that's not available in your area (or maybe there's a long wait list), you could Google for self-guided programs for CBT, DBT, or ACT (maybe equal preference to CBT/DBT, with ACT as a secondary option). Not as ideal as professionally-guided programs and requires more discipline and willpower, but maybe is better than nothing. ChatGPT (or its other AI ilk) could also help with this, depending on its memory capacity.

I have spent my whole life trying to heal

This is resilience.

And you mention you've been doing therapy, the lifestyle changes, opening up to family about what's going on, trying to make friends... This takes an incredible amount of strength, and I hope you can see that in yourself.

You've hit a wall of exhaustion. I'm guessing most people, if they were in your position, would experience the same.

The fact that you're asking this question right now suggests there's an appreciable part of you that isn't ready to give up. Even if you can't feel it right now, maybe you can hold onto that and use it to allow for the idea that you still have more fight in you.

You're a fighter -- you've proven that much. Every fighter needs a rest. It's OK to take a rest.

I'm wishing you well as can be and am sending you strength and good vibes in finding your way through this.

 

[Remember]

21 is still pretty young, I'd give it some more years before giving up. Maybe 30.

I also suffer from a highly isolated existence, I think the thing that helps with my issue (and may help with yours) is when I feel connected and cared for. All of those healthy habbits you've been doing are important, but they're also prerequisites to actually forming connections with people.

You seem strong willed, perhaps you could try pushing through the anxiety and trying to socialize in some relatively safe environments. If you have any passions, or things you really love going to a space revolving around that and gently trying to meet people might start moving you in a good direction.

I have (honestly really bad) social anxiety, and while it's never gone away I find when I get into the practice of being friendly with people it becomes less of an issue. The more you practice something the easier it gets.

 

[chek]

Living is hard work. I no longer have it in me. If you can find the strength, maybe it will work

 

[Tired_of_myself]

Here to get some inspiration to keep going… I feel like the necessity to be productive really breaks my soul… not just because of the financial issue, but as a person… and not the social pressure, but the self pressure we put on ourselves… I hate myself so much sometimes for not being happy, or have many friends, or a successful career, or build a family or owning a house… the feeling of failure truly takes form when I compare myself to others… when I compare myself to my feelings itself, it gets I little easier… I can get thought the day enjoying a good meal, or something stupid that made me laugh or the heartful companion of my cat… the little things keep me going, not the big ones… hope it helps

 

[whatishope]

First thing that comes to mind: Is anything being overlooked. Is this "just" depression and social anxiety? Or could there be something else going on? eg. ADHD, PTSD, autism spectrum, personality disorder (avoidant, borderline, etc.).

Also, physical health conditions as possible contributing factors: Blood tests to screen for thyroid issues, vitamin deficiencies, blood sugar, inflammation, etc. Autoimmune conditions, hormonal imbalances, sleep apnea, chronic infections, post-viral issues (eg. long COVID) as other possible factors.

I think this is a very good point that's often overlooked. Depression and social anxiety are an inappropriate response to a situation. I like to say "you're not delusional if the government is really out to get you". In most developed countries, this is ridiculous, but in some totalitarian regimes, it is the norm. The government is indeed prosecuting it's people.

What's the point in this? Simple. You need to ask yourself if you're really depressed, and unmotivated, or there just isn't anything worth doing. If all you do during a day is what you have to, and nothing of what you want, then what is the point of waking up? No one wants to wake up and grind for 16 hours. This is something profound I've realized during my journey. I, as you, am trying to get better for years, and following all the "advice": I have a job, I work out, I eat healthy, I try to have a sleep schedule etc. But this is not living. This is surviving. During this, you need to move towards something, build something. That could be as simple as a family, your house. Most of the times that's it. If you want a nice house and 2 kids, then all of a sudden, all this stuff is motivating. You want to sleep well to be well rested. You want to be productive at work. You want to work out to be healthy etc.

Anxiety is a similar thing. I have struggled with anxiety a lot during my life. I have done a lot of therapy and pushed through a lot. I also ended up drinking a lot because of it. One thing nobody told me is that maybe it's the people around me. I was feeling anxious and unsafe around the people I was hanging out with, well, because I was not safe. They didn't care too much about me, and, if I messed up, they would use that against me. It's no wonder I felt anxious. My body was telling me to be careful. Again, back to the "you're not paranoid if the government is really out to get you". I slowly realized this as I've made actual friends, and, as a miracle, no more social anxiety.

TL;DR, before trying to treat something as a mental issue, we need to make sure it's actually mental issue. If you feel like shit in your day to day life with the people around you, no amount of medication and therapy will fix that. Soo, maybe try doing something else with other people, see how that feels?

 

[EmptyBottle]

Here to get some inspiration to keep going… I feel like the necessity to be productive really breaks my soul… not just because of the financial issue, but as a person… and not the social pressure, but the self pressure we put on ourselves… I hate myself so much sometimes for not being happy, or have many friends, or a successful career, or build a family or owning a house… the feeling of failure truly takes form when I compare myself to others… when I compare myself to my feelings itself, it gets I little easier… I can get thought the day enjoying a good meal, or something stupid that made me laugh or the heartful companion of my cat… the little things keep me going, not the big ones… hope it helps

I try to avoid comparisons tbh.

Tbh, I sometimes feel happy, but much more often I feel neutral or slightly satisfied... rather than the cycle of "not feeling happy" > "annoyed at not feeling happy" and back, I wonder if the cycle can be partially altered to "feelings are feelings" > "feeling slightly better".

Tho feelings are complex, and it will take some time to change thought habits. writing some thoughts down and writing about alternative thought patterns, may help, idk.

 

[Lions303]

Hi Natt, I really would love to share something I heard which I would like you to hear too. 'Can you give just one more day?' You can always do something if you do decide to do something, can it wait until tomorrow?

It seems to me like you are strong, you try something, get knocked down because it doesn't work, get back up and try something else.Is there something you like doing and you can do some more of that? Reading? Writing? Fighters take a break once in a while to recover and would like for you to try that