I've been trying really hard. I'm in therapy, I'm medicated, I'm eating healthily, I'm exercising, I'm making sure I sleep enough, I'm working on improving my career.
But none of it matters because the loneliness and isolation is crippling. I've tried talking to friends, but they rarely reply, never reach out unless I do first and cancel last minute when I try to arrange to do something with them. I've tried making new friends online, but all I've met is people who just ghost or narcissists who ignore what I say just so they can talk about themselves more. I've tried the recovery partners megathread in here - you'd think that the people there would be understanding and supportive, but they ghost just like anywhere else online. I've tried talking to my family, but they can't even make time for one phone call in an entire week despite me feeling suicidal and on top of that, having just lost my job. The only people who will talk are health professionals who are paid to, and then only for a certain time limit.
I'm getting to the point where I'm beginning to resent everybody. Where I'm just disgusted at having to interact with another human because they're probably going to be the same as all the rest. Where I'm hoping that another covid is just around the corner, except this time it wipes the board completely clean.
I want to recover, I don't want to die,, but I want to live like this even less. So I don't see another option but suicide.
But none of it matters because the loneliness and isolation is crippling. I've tried talking to friends, but they rarely reply, never reach out unless I do first and cancel last minute when I try to arrange to do something with them. I've tried making new friends online, but all I've met is people who just ghost or narcissists who ignore what I say just so they can talk about themselves more. I've tried the recovery partners megathread in here - you'd think that the people there would be understanding and supportive, but they ghost just like anywhere else online. I've tried talking to my family, but they can't even make time for one phone call in an entire week despite me feeling suicidal and on top of that, having just lost my job. The only people who will talk are health professionals who are paid to, and then only for a certain time limit.
I'm getting to the point where I'm beginning to resent everybody. Where I'm just disgusted at having to interact with another human because they're probably going to be the same as all the rest. Where I'm hoping that another covid is just around the corner, except this time it wipes the board completely clean.
I want to recover, I don't want to die,, but I want to live like this even less. So I don't see another option but suicide.
