Story Is it possible or am I just wasting my time on a illusion of hope

[PoisonedOxygen]

So yeah recently I've been thinking about if it's possible for me to recover. In general I used to think I'm a lost case, even that I have drug-resistant depression. There was a lot going on recently. I got a new antidepressant, which first time ever in my life I feel like it works and I need to say pretty good. There's nothing wrong with that, I just you know wonder if this hope is just not a med induced illusion as I know the minute I go off it I will probably try to CTB asap. I have a thought I might be undiagnosed too, maybe this is just some episode and not me actually getting better? I don't know why I'm trying to doubt it, just trying to understand myself. I've got a new social worker, this woman is an angel. She is first to help me, she helped me so much already. We exchange messages daily. I feel like she believes me, in my mother abuse. Another reason I feel like I'm getting better is because my mother doesn't talk to me for a week now. It's so much relief. I'm not being judged and screamed at constantly. I still remain locked up in my room and go out hardly ever but her not talking to be is already 100x better. I feel really lazy recently but since few weeks I've done almost all my school job so that's good. I just wonder If I will ever be able to function normally, or "properly". You know go to work 5 times a week, cook, just live.

 

[Valky]

Everyone struggles with something in life. You don't need to function perfectly. You, trying your best, is more than enough.

I am glad to hear that you found some things that help you!!

Depression takes away your feeling of hope, getting a bit of relieve from your mental illness therefore means that there is some space for hope again.
Don't bother with all the 'what ifs', what matters is here and now. We are with you, here and now and only time can tell if this is the right path for you.
I certainly wish you all the best, you deserve feeling better and hopeful again. <3

 

[timf]

There are those who go through life with little difficulty. They can end up selfish and ungrateful. Those who have known real hunger, been beaten, incarcerated, or have had serious illness for example, can have a such a harsh exposure to reality that the "ignorance is bliss" approach to life cannot be adopted.

There are advantages to having been exposed to some of the harsher experiences in life. One can more easily spot the superficial and avoid them, a friendship can be more difficult to find, but more deep and real when built, and the lost years following fanciful ambitions can be avoided.

Consider how much positive has already happened. This can be a substantive basis for hope.

1. Avoid toxic people.
2. Credit yourself for even the small things you achieve.
3. The experimental method allows you to see an experiment as a failure rather than yourself.
4. The greater the number of experiments, the greater number of discoveries of what works.
5. Small steps turn into bigger ones as long as you keep taking them.

 

[Moonomyth]

I mean it's certainly possible, but I couldn't say if it's probable. Don't know enough about your circumstances to confirm or deny that.

I don't believe in such a thing as an authentic self, so whether or not the new medication is an "illusion" doesn't mean much to me. It's all some kind of illusion. If the current one is pleasant, stick with it.

It sounds like having your mother around as a constant stressor is a big factor here, which does lead to the possibility of recovery if you are able to get away from the stressor. Clearly, getting away from her for even a small period is very helpful. How likely is it that you will be able to move out in any reasonable amount of time?

 

[Kall]

Hello, sadly the effects of antidepressants are painfully slow and so barely visible from your perspective.
From what I understand of your situation, large actions seem pretty difficult to be taken. However I can try to share what kinda worked with me hoping it will help. I agree with what was said above, taking small steps is really important. It might sound silly but personally I focused on what I "achieved" more than what I should be doing. It is small stuff like getting out of bed, getting dressed, washing one plate, etc... The thing that was in my mind was: "when you can't, you can't". However having someone who is supposed to support you pressuring you constantly is a really tricky situation and I wish it will get better in your case.

 

[PoisonedOxygen]

I mean it's certainly possible, but I couldn't say if it's probable. Don't know enough about your circumstances to confirm or deny that.

I don't believe in such a thing as an authentic self, so whether or not the new medication is an "illusion" doesn't mean much to me. It's all some kind of illusion. If the current one is pleasant, stick with it.

It sounds like having your mother around as a constant stressor is a big factor here, which does lead to the possibility of recovery if you are able to get away from the stressor. Clearly, getting away from her for even a small period is very helpful. How likely is it that you will be able to move out in any reasonable amount of time?

I understand your mindset. Yeah even though she doesn't speak to me now when I leave my room I immediately feel stiff. I love when I'm alone at home so I can have a little bit of safety. The biggest problem about moving out is that I don't have a job, trying to find one right now. I'm in contact with carreer coach. I'm scared I wont be able to keep a job though. I'm 100% anxiety these days. I want to move out so bad, but I'm so scraed of making a move you know and it blocks me.

 

[H.O.Xan]

Hope is possible if ur able to grit ur way towards it. If ur hands and feet r bound, u can't do that atm.