is it okay to work on my recovery while i’m actively making a ctb plan ? Are these two things completely incompatible?

[Le temps perdu]

i'm sorry if i posted this in the wrong place, mods can delete or remove this

recently i've been feeling ambivalent about ctb&recovery, i'm start to feel that even while i'm making a ctb plan i still can try to make things bearable&a little comfy, but the other brain said these two things can't coexist. i was wondering if someone have the same feeling &thoughts, and if it is STILL worth it to try recovery during i'm still strongly suicidal & making a ctb plan

 

[lastappleonearth]

i'm sorry if i posted this in the wrong place, mods can delete or remove this

recently i've been feeling ambivalent about ctb&recovery, i'm start to feel that even while i'm making a ctb plan i still can try to make things bearable&a little comfy, but the other brain said these two things can't coexist. i was wondering if someone have the same feeling &thoughts, and if it is STILL worth it to try recovery during i'm still strongly suicidal & making a ctb plan

I think it's always a good thing, when you actively try to get better. I hope you succeed in your recovery and things get better for you, wish you all the best

 

[Le temps perdu]

I think it's always a good thing, when you actively try to get better. I hope you succeed in your recovery and things get better for you, wish you all the best

thank you for your kind words, i wish you all the best too ♡

 

[Insufficent]

I'd recommend to do so.
Heck I'm doing so, thought might as well give it a chance.
A way to life is a way to die for all life ends to death. You can try to make the road worth to travel.

 

[Le temps perdu]

I'd recommend to do so.
Heck I'm doing so, thought might as well give it a chance.
A way to life is a way to die for all life ends to death. You can try to make the road worth to travel.

thank you, and i think the sentence "A way to life is a way to die for all life ends to death" is beautiful ♡

 

[lastappleonearth]

thank you for your kind words, i wish you all the best too ♡

Thank you

 

[Dot]

Tbf havng a ctb pln *fr sme ppl* gves thm a snse of cntrol tht thy cn us whle tryn2 recovr

= also sd tht havng tht possblty cn mke recvry mre diffclt t/ commt 2 bt imo thre = nothng wrng wth tryng evry chnce @ recvry tht u cn - ctb = finl decsn s/ Y nt kp urslf opn t/ all othr decsns b4 takng tht 1

 

[Ashu]

They are not at all incompatible, in fact they usually go together. The suicide is almost always ambivalent, almost always torn between wanting to live and wanting to die.

 

[CatLvr]

I have done this very thing for YEARS. And honestly, my plan has played a sizable role in my being able to deal with my brain and whatever the fuck is wrong with it.

We are all gonna die eventually. So much of my life was outside my control. No matter how hard you try there is not pleasing a cruel, narcissistic, downright evil parent. But ... The first 35 years of my life I spent it doing everything I could think of to make her happy because I bought the trope that I had been the one who ruined her life (firstborn child, conceived out of wedlock in the 50s, and not a boy -- how could I have been any more cruel to her than to do all of that?!? ). The last 40 years have been me trying to convince my brain that everything bad that happens is not my fault -- but damn that programming really took.

I do have good days ... And bad days, of course ... But finding SaSu ... And reconnecting with my son ... Along with my pets and garden ... Has slowly shown me that it is actually possible to be happy. And content. And that I do deserve those things just as much as any other person on this planet.

Sorry ... Ran down that rabbit hole real quick ... Anyway, I am absolutely not gonna let a medical community and society that wants to keep me alive until I have been bled completely dry, no matter how unbearable my life might be, control when I take my last breath. There are a few illnesses I refuse to suffer through. I am fortunate enough to have the education, means and equipment to make sure when that time comes it is quick and efficient and leaves as little of mess -- emotionally, physically and financially -- as possible.

But I never stop studying. Just in case, ya know. There are advancements in EVERYTHING ... Even ways to ctb. My old man used to say, after he reached a point in his career, that he was just one bad day away from retirement. I am one really bad doctor's visit away from leaving all this behind. And having a way, and the means, to accomplish my journey, is a great comfort to me on the days when I am at my worst.

 

[Le temps perdu]

Tbf havng a ctb pln *fr sme ppl* gves thm a snse of cntrol tht thy cn us whle tryn2 recovr

= also sd tht havng tht possblty cn mke recvry mre diffclt t/ commt 2 bt imo thre = nothng wrng wth tryng evry chnce @ recvry tht u cn - ctb = finl decsn s/ Y nt kp urslf opn t/ all othr decsns b4 takng tht 1

They are not at all incompatible, in fact they usually go together. The suicide is almost always ambivalent, almost always torn between wanting to live and wanting to die.

thank you for writing this it helps me a lot, i hope you are all doing well lately <3

I have done this very thing for YEARS. And honestly, my plan has played a sizable role in my being able to deal with my brain and whatever the fuck is wrong with it.

We are all gonna die eventually. So much of my life was outside my control. No matter how hard you try there is not pleasing a cruel, narcissistic, downright evil parent. But ... The first 35 years of my life I spent it doing everything I could think of to make her happy because I bought the trope that I had been the one who ruined her life (firstborn child, conceived out of wedlock in the 50s, and not a boy -- how could I have been any more cruel to her than to do all of that?!? ). The last 40 years have been me trying to convince my brain that everything bad that happens is not my fault -- but damn that programming really took.

I do have good days ... And bad days, of course ... But finding SaSu ... And reconnecting with my son ... Along with my pets and garden ... Has slowly shown me that it is actually possible to be happy. And content. And that I do deserve those things just as much as any other person on this planet.

Sorry ... Ran down that rabbit hole real quick ... Anyway, I am absolutely not gonna let a medical community and society that wants to keep me alive until I have been bled completely dry, no matter how unbearable my life might be, control when I take my last breath. There are a few illnesses I refuse to suffer through. I am fortunate enough to have the education, means and equipment to make sure when that time comes it is quick and efficient and leaves as little of mess -- emotionally, physically and financially -- as possible.

But I never stop studying. Just in case, ya know. There are advancements in EVERYTHING ... Even ways to ctb. My old man used to say, after he reached a point in his career, that he was just one bad day away from retirement. I am one really bad doctor's visit away from leaving all this behind. And having a way, and the means, to accomplish my journey, is a great comfort to me on the days when I am at my worst.

thank you for sharing your story&experience, it sounds like you've been through a lot. I'm glad that later on you also experienced some good things in life. I hope you find peace during your journey through life

 

[never mind me]

I think it is very reasonable to try to get better while having a ctb plan. It might actually make it easier to ctb, if you feel like you tried hard to get better and didn't succeed. And obviously it also makes sense to see, if there is another way forward instead of ctb. In the past I was several times in a situation where I wanted to ctb and had a method, too. But I couldn't get myself to do it, because I wasn't sufficiently convinced about it. And therefore I tried to get better, because it seemed like the only way to get out of this situation to try enough to either succeed in making life more enjoyable or try enough and fail in order to be able to go through with ctb.

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

Gotta look after yourself when planning. I'm currently doing a weight training session in the morning. I come home and re_read the pp handbook regarding protocol, look here for more sources re materials, go out and exercise again and then do more study about locations and anything else.

 

[Le temps perdu]

I think it is very reasonable to try to get better while having a ctb plan. It might actually make it easier to ctb, if you feel like you tried hard to get better and didn't succeed. And obviously it also makes sense to see, if there is another way forward instead of ctb. In the past I was several times in a situation where I wanted to ctb and had a method, too. But I couldn't get myself to do it, because I wasn't sufficiently convinced about it. And therefore I tried to get better, because it seemed like the only way to get out of this situation to try enough to either succeed in making life more enjoyable or try enough and fail in order to be able to go through with ctb.

Gotta look after yourself when planning. I'm currently doing a weight training session in the morning. I come home and re_read the pp handbook regarding protocol, look here for more sources re materials, go out and exercise again and then do more study about locations and anything else.

thank you all for writing this, it inspired me, hope you all doing well lately & take care of yourselves!

 

[InversedShadow]

It's absolutely fine if you need the CTB plan for the peace of mind

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

i'm sorry if i posted this in the wrong place, mods can delete or remove this

recently i've been feeling ambivalent about ctb&recovery, i'm start to feel that even while i'm making a ctb plan i still can try to make things bearable&a little comfy, but the other brain said these two things can't coexist. i was wondering if someone have the same feeling &thoughts, and if it is STILL worth it to try recovery during i'm still strongly suicidal & making a ctb plan

You can absolutely do both.

In fact, I recommend writing an obituary.

 

[Dot]

In fact, I recommend writing an obituary.

 

[I Me & Myself]

I agree with most people in this thread. It is definetly still worth pursuing recovery, even while making a plan!

I also find that having a plan gives me a sense of comfort. It's like a safety net, that if I mess up really badly I'm not left without any choices. I currently do not have a plan, but there were times I definetly had one despite already working on bettering my life.

I say keep it up.

No need to just accept your life is miserable just because you are already making a plan.

 

[LonelyPrince]

It is worth trying to recover. You deserve to get better and enjoy your days, even if ctb is at the back of your mind. You can do this

 

[NZkiwi]

i'm sorry if i posted this in the wrong place, mods can delete or remove this

recently i've been feeling ambivalent about ctb&recovery, i'm start to feel that even while i'm making a ctb plan i still can try to make things bearable&a little comfy, but the other brain said these two things can't coexist. i was wondering if someone have the same feeling &thoughts, and if it is STILL worth it to try recovery during i'm still strongly suicidal & making a ctb plan

great q

yeah ive been in your shoes
seems like many others have too as well


its hard to commit to either without certsinty snd i guess i still have a cbt plan wven thought im tsking action

i think for me while cbt is a contemplative option
my behsviour is recovery right now but i have ctb as ?back, partly security, partly so i have illusion of control, partly so i have certainty and comforting

please keep us updated on your recovery journey