Story Is it irrational that I want CTB because of my disability?

[Versailles]

I was thinking about this and come on! My family and friends who have seen me depressed or bad as a result of my disability, always tell me about the case of x person who has a worse disability, and who has achieved more things than me.
But then I wonder, am I thinking wrongly? Should I look at other people in worse cases than mine to feel motivated? I lose my will to live little by little but now I doubt if it is right that I want CTB or that I continue living even if I don't have the strength

 

[motel rooms]

But then I wonder, am I thinking wrongly? Should I look at other people in worse cases than mine to feel motivated? I lose my will to live little by little but now I doubt if it is right that I want CTB or that I continue living even if I don't have the strength

There's nothing irrational about giving up if you can't go on...

 

[succor]

There is nothing irrational about being depressed over your disability. Suffering is not some fucked up pain olympics- it doesn't matter if someone "has it worse", that's subjective and coming from someone who doesn't experience what you do every day. I would not be suicidal if I were not chronically ill and in pain every day, or at least not nearly as bad.

 

[All Things Must Pass]

No.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

We never know anyone's full story. In fact, in most cases, we hear only the details that make for the best narrative. In the cases of those who have overcome extreme challenges, we don't always know the depth of the support system they had to assist them in that struggle. Maybe they had significant financial resources, or helpful family and friends, or the right counselor, or a host of any other factors that could have made their story possible.

We are not all blessed with such things. Not everyone is destined to have a motivational "comeback" story. It's on us to determine which path is best for us. Maybe you've determined that you can succeed. It's just as reasonable to make the determination that you can't, given your specific situation. Society should (but doesn't) respect your decision.

I think the correct way to interpret stories like that is to feel happy for that individual, and to perhaps determine if you are 1) interested and 2) capable of a similar narrative. If not, then you shouldn't feel bad and no one should make you feel bad.

 

[Kimuraaaa]

personally, I think there's no real irrational or invalid reasons to CTB. If someone is willing to go to the lengths of going through with any particular method then clearly whatever struggle they had was valid y'know.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I'm disabled too and have been told the exact same motivational stories by multiple people. They always say that if those people can withstand their severe conditions, their fortitude serves as proof that things are not so bad for someone with "lesser" impairments, AKA me.

They don't tell the stories of the people who can't cope with being disabled, those who have given up on life after years of torment, because those anecdotes aren't saccharine and inspiring. There are plenty of disabled people, myself included, who hate being ill and do not want to deal with it any longer.

Regardless, I think anyone's pain is valid regardless of where it stems from. If they haven't walked a day in your shoes, how could these people be the judges of how deep your suffering lies? Comparison is the thief of joy. You need support and understanding, not platitudes, if you wanna instill optimism in someone. Dismissing your concerns as invalid only makes the problem worse.

I love your Kurisu pfp, btw.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Having a disability can strongly (and negatively) affect an individuals quality of life; this is why it is called having a "dis-ability", because you are no longer able to enjoy life to the extent that an able-bodied and able-minded individual can. Even basic tasks such as maintaining personal hygiene or eating food can become difficult, or in some cases next to impossible. Life is no longer life anymore; instead it becomes a monumental, stressful chore. Imagine being incarcerated inside of a prison - with the prison being your own body. If you are serving a life sentence with no chance of parole then some people would agree that it would be better for the inmate to die; yet somehow we do not grant the same compassion to those who suffer chronic disabilities - should they wish this of course.

 

[Versailles]

I'm disabled too and have been told the exact same motivational stories by multiple people. They always say that if those people can withstand their severe conditions, their fortitude serves as proof that things are not so bad for someone with "lesser" impairments, AKA me.

They don't tell the stories of the people who can't cope with being disabled, those who have given up on life after years of torment, because those anecdotes aren't saccharine and inspiring. There are plenty of disabled people, myself included, who hate being ill and do not want to deal with it any longer.

Regardless, I think anyone's pain is valid regardless of where it stems from. If they haven't walked a day in your shoes, how could these people be the judges of how deep your suffering lies? Comparison is the thief of joy. You need support and understanding, not platitudes, if you wanna instill optimism in someone. Dismissing your concerns as invalid only makes the problem worse.

I love your Kurisu pfp, btw.

The worst of all is that I do not find the understanding that I would like to have in such cases from my relatives or close friends

They will always say not to pay attention to that problem and that way it will not affect me, but it is impossible since this problem continuously affects many aspects of my life, so getting it out of my head is not as easy as others say.

 

[Meditation guide]

worst of all is that I do not find the understanding that I would like to have in such cases from my relatives or close friends

They will always say not to pay attention to that problem and that way it will not affect me, but it is impossible since this problem continuously affects many aspects of my life, so getting it out of my head is not as easy as others say.

People are unable to understand what it's like for you. They are putting blame on you for something you have no control over. I'm glad you came here to express yourself to us since we, with our own suffering, are better able to know what kind of suffering you are going through.

It takes a strong mind and will to ignore them when they tell you that others have it worse than you. It's quite cruel of them and they sound pretty bad as far as empathy goes. You have my sympathy.

 

[mothflakes]

Can I ask what your disability is?

 

[xrafinha]

I've readed recently a interesting book about a guy who was disabled. It's called "two arms and one head." Perhaps it would interest you to read it, but please be aware that the history is very tragic and the guy kill himself at the end of it, so if you are not up for feeling down, maybe don't read it.

 

[Versailles]

Can I ask what your disability is?

Facial paralysis which makes my movements strange, in short, the right side of my body is useless, in turn it affects a lot in my social and work relationships, apart from that I am autistic and I have MDD

 

[luten]

you asking a question that I have been struggling with for a lifetime.

Simply put, if you dont want to live, you will find any excuse not to. If you really want to live, then you will find ways to stay alive.

It is a personal decision.

Personally, why do I choose to maximize my time ? simply because I know that life can be good, even while I am suffering. I live my life by the hour, some hours are bad, some are good, I am here for the good ones.

Hope, and proper support are very important when it comes to disability.

 

[mothflakes]

Facial paralysis which makes my movements strange, in short, the right side of my body is useless, in turn it affects a lot in my social and work relationships, apart from that I am autistic and I have MDD

That sounds rough. Of course, you are allowed to feel depressed and tired and overwhelmed. I'm sure having the people around you invalidating your feeling makes it much harder to cope. I think sometimes just being allowed to feel week without guilt or shame is what a person needs in order to heal. I hope you find a better support system.

 

[Foogs]

There's the Stoic practice of "negative visualization" where you imagine someone in a worse position than you who would consider it a dream come true to be in your shoes, and then you can be thankful and accepting of where and how you are. I use it and it works, but it's hard for it to "stick" when all your daily thought goes towards managing current pains/injuries and trying to prevent more from occurring.

 

[Mr. X]

Short answer:
No it's not irrational if you feel this way, and this is an answer coming from a person who is disabled too.

Long Answer:
So as already said, I'm disabled myself. Seeing that this is a public forum which treats a lot of sensitive topics I'm not going to say too much about myself other than that my disability is definately visible, and can cause me a lot of chronic pain from time to time. Personally I think that your feelings are more than valid due to the fact that nobody will ever truly know what its like to walk in your shoes except (as already mentioned by some commentators before me) you yourself. The problem that I personally see with the comments from the people around you is that these comments don't reflect the statistical reality of things, meaning that its extremely hard to achieve big things in life, and having a disability most definately doesn't make things any easier. And while yes, there may be people who are worse of than you, you should always keep in mind that if you look around hard and long enough, you will always find someone who is worse of than you. And while yes, there are people who are extremely successful with their disability, bear in mind that the success stories are still extremely minute compared to the stories of people who weren't so lucky (you know, those stories you never hear about because they wouldn't keep you going or wouldn't keep you motivated in any way).

Last thing that i wanted to talk about here is that as with all things in life, there's much more factors that will influence how you feel in life (besides the disablity). Factors that range from the country you were born in up to the amount of help you can get in the place where you are at the moment.

Sorry for the long rambling text, i hope it's at least partially understandable. I'm just really interested in this topic, seeing that im personally affected.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is not irrational. We are all different and we all have a different limit of how much we can cope and deal with things. I have health problems but I know of those who have it worse can deal with it better. It is because of their personality. Just because somebody has it worse doesn't mean we are not suffering. There can be no escape from health conditions and it can be exhausting dealing with it day after day. Our own bodies can become like prisons.

 

[motel rooms]

Simply put, if you dont want to live, you will find any excuse not to.

I don't like that you used the word "excuse". Living is not our duty

 

[WatermelonMel]

CTBing because of a disability is the least irrational reason, if it's making life miserable.

Prolifers love to use the "There is someone suffering more than you" or "accomplishing more than you" argument because it applies to everyone, and how is that a valid reason to keep living anyway? It's just even more depressing.

 

[GoldLeafIndigo]

When people compare our pain or difficulties to someone else who allegedly has it worse, that can never make us feel better.

Shame isn't a very motivating emotion, especially when it isn't warranted. It doesn't matter if someone else is "worse off" than you. Their depression may not be as deep, they may have a more loving support system than you do, etc. There is no way to know, and comparison is both unfair to you and discouraging.

You have the right to feel sadness and distress over your disabilities. It is totally reasonable to grieve what we cannot have.

 

[Nanako]

I was thinking about this and come on! My family and friends who have seen me depressed or bad as a result of my disability, always tell me about the case of x person who has a worse disability, and who has achieved more things than me.
But then I wonder, am I thinking wrongly? Should I look at other people in worse cases than mine to feel motivated? I lose my will to live little by little but now I doubt if it is right that I want CTB or that I continue living even if I don't have the strength

I know this is old, but I relate to what you're saying so much. I don't think you're wrong, having a disability can impair one's capacity to enjoy doing what they love drastically, and if we can't do what we love then what's the point in living?

The fact there are people out there having to put up with even worse means nothing. So my pain is not as unbearable as that of some others? Fair enough, but it's STILL unbearable!

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

My family and friends who have seen me depressed or bad as a result of my disability, always tell me about the case of x person who has a worse disability, and who has achieved more things than me.
But then I wonder, am I thinking wrongly? Should I look at other people in worse cases than mine to feel motivated?

This is just disrespectful and ignorant. I never understood why that way of thinking only goes in one direction. If you're supposed to feel better because of worse cases out there, are you not allowed to feel worse because of better cases?

You're not thinking wrongly. The only reason people ever spout this nonsense is because mental anguish cannot be seen as easily as physical trauma. Nobody ever walked up to Prometheus chained on the rock as the eagle ate his liver every day and said "Hey, look, there are people doing worse than you."

If it cuts one way, it has to cut both ways.

EDIT: Like @motel rooms said, regardless of what anyone says you don't have a duty to continue suffering. Don't let others guilt you into living. Or dying, for that matter. This is your destiny, nobody else's.

 

[dearlybeloved998]

I was thinking about this and come on! My family and friends who have seen me depressed or bad as a result of my disability, always tell me about the case of x person who has a worse disability, and who has achieved more things than me.
But then I wonder, am I thinking wrongly? Should I look at other people in worse cases than mine to feel motivated? I lose my will to live little by little but now I doubt if it is right that I want CTB or that I continue living even if I don't have the strength

"Worse" extremely subjective, I think what your ableist family means is "visible", a person can have an extremely debilitating and painful disability that can't be seen with the naked eye, and someone can be confined to a wheelchair and completely content. People confuse "visible" with "worse". I would prefer being paralyzed from the waist down (or even completely) than to be in excruciating agony 24/7. These are just my two cents.

 

[johnr]

So sorry you have to endure. I wish there were magic words of support; there are none. All the best to you, and every one of us

 

[meetapple]

These people will never tell you that CTB is okay. Their worldview is that everything can be overcome with therapy and/or meds and/or hard work. The fact is that you have to make this decision for yourself because you are the only one who can be honest in this circumstance.